Greetings Humanity! Again, I was to give you sacks of meat some meaning in your humdrum lives. A reader wrote a compelling notice about the condescending tone and snide remarks I gave. Well, too bad this is my telling of this Story. I thought I stated that rather clearly.

The great I will tell those readers to read another tale of some horny edge lord or loser that somehow made a change of character with some fairy tale ending.

But that is not why we are here. We are here, humanity, to read the tale of a struggling hero stumble from the words and view of its antagonist, villain, foe, and all-around not-nice guy. That is the Great I. Why name myself for the audience? The voice-over or announcer rarely gives their names right off the bat.

Let that simmer and stew for however long I desire, unless your attention span is shorter than your nose on your face. You look at it cross-eyed and have already forgotten it all, haven't you? No? You say that I was wrong! Fine. Though continue to read along with me, myself, and rot.

Yes, I will be writing these events from past memories that we will see together until we arrive at current events. I want to stay entertained when the hero is being an idiot, boring my sensitivities.

Yes, we'll see if I skip over these parts or include them. I don't plan to redact but to summarize; I won't promise. Why trust a being that most would think to be a demon?

Anyway, enough of my rambling after reading a commit in Wormscript. Oh, sorry, I meant written by a human of lower intelligence and sentience.

So you want to know what happens next, right? Well, I stepped into the shadows. I fused my being into another plain and opened a view in front of the great I. I lay in the darkness, sitting on it elegantly. Shaped into the form of a sofa. I love how this unstable and deadly energy can work out knots built up over the millennium.

I want to watch this trainwreck in action. I mean, what would I be if I did not look out for the safety of my summoner?

I raised a hand and gave a snap, sending out a small shock wave, causing the darkness to ripple a little. The screen soon showed that freak standing around. Now, a standing old scarecrow in what I can only say is a brown parka and green jeans, standing before our hero, Shirou.

Hmm, seems that he did indeed think that I was the shopkeeper or his nephew. Well, it looks like he bought that unsealed box. Maybe I should use it to get a hold of some of my old friends if they are still alive or in a reachable dimension.

Well, let's listen in on what is happening. "Sir, thank you. I don't really know why, but this box. I really like it," said Shirou, the trash heap. Sorry, habits die hard. It's so hard to kill. "Sir, thank you. I don't really know why, but this box. I really like it," said Shirou. There. Happy?

"That is fine. I don't remember that particular piece among the pieces here. You know, some things seem to be magically drawn to this store of marvels and wonders the world over," said the old man. You know he is right for the most part. Anything that he has probably brought in is junk. The only things that have value are those that are phased or are brought into the shop by someone else.

"Then I guess you can't tell me more about it, then," questioned Shiou, the not paying attention dog. Too many shiny objects and squirrels fill his thoughts.

"Right."

"Well, I also wanted to thank your aide for the mask he gave me."

"Mask? I don't deal in masks. Many are cursed. It would be bad for business. Besides, I don't have an assistant. I am the only one who runs this store. So if someone did sell you a mask, some hobo probably broke in here again. You might have bought junk, and I can't help you there."

"Okay, then I will be off. See you again sometime around," said Shirou. Ah, did he miss this great I. He walks out of the store and goes on his merry way. While the old fossil, well, he fell down after he tripped on my foot that was sticking out of the shadows. Calling me unemployed. I give others an experience and feed off of their misery, negative emotions, and karma, and use other such changes of causality in transactions and deals to give service and feed myself. Really, some people. Am I right? But then again, are you truly people?

Still concerned about the old man. He had some device to call for help; he'd be fine, but that was a big cost in his expenses, though. Ah, misery. Now, back to the demon boy. Why a demon? Have you already forgotten? If you're not convinced, then wait a little longer to see what I really mean.

So, he is now in a nice house. Wait, that can't be right! How could this lowly beast not live in a hovel? Well, I guess being born into money helps children. At least the parents seem to be doing something right. I mean two stories, well furnished, good taste, set in a way to drive away bad luck, well built on a good foundation, with a well-kept garden. It is too good for him. I guess I will have to change that in the future, but I can't make too big of a change in his current environment without giving him a buildup of future fortune. Hmm.

Let's take a peek at the zoo's monkey in its natural environment. Yes, he is in a monkey suit, or would you call him dressed up as a penguin? It's not all that creative for a costume party. Imagination is key to these events. But wait, he will probably be the only one with a costume, and it was a regular old dance this whole time, and he just didn't bother to check. I can see it now. Hahaha. 

"Katy, thank you for accompanying me tonight. The night is beautiful, but the moon is a pale light compared to your brilliance that glows like the sun. Yes, I think those lines will do," said Shirou. What respectable female falls for such lines? Ah, one blinded by love, perhaps. I think that it is his wishful thinking. I hope she sees him as nothing more than an abandoned beast and takes pity on it, or an ant to burn with a magnifying glass. I hope for the latter.

Hmm. Maybe we can make the first act into a Cinderella story. If you're wondering how I know of this tale, then it doesn't matter that I have also met one of the readers here as well and added their knowledge to my own one day in my past. Don't think too heavily about it. It's not like I will jump out one day. At the moment, I am too busy with this life story of sorts and watching my idiot of a savior in his daily exploits.

Yes, I believe the Cinderella tale is what my past self thought of. I mean, look at my wonderful smile slowly spreading along my lips. Those teeth even have a sparkle to them. Oh, it seems some shadows are creeping along unbeknownst to our hero and are struck down after a cobra strikes its lethal venom into its victim.

After falling to the ground, the mass of shadows wraps around him and melds into the would-be hero. He gets up and looks in the mirror. He seems shocked since he now looks more attractive and like a real person, along with clothes that fit. He seems to be now reluctant to wear the mask, it would seem.

Well, get on with it. Your date doesn't have all night. She is wasting the best moments of her small existence on you.

Shirou puts on the mask to complete the look. He takes it on and off again. It looks like he appreciates the work I have done. Good. "I can't lose. I will probably win best costume by the night's end because of how well I clean up. Maybe I have a chance at being Katy's heartthrob after all," said Shirou.

Would you look at that? I am doubled over in a fit of laughter from his delusion. It can't be helped. He seems to have overinflated confidence from a little magical makeup and wash. I can't wait till the surprise at midnight. I am not a fairy godmother, after all. Hahaha.

He got into a nice red car and drove away. I wonder if his parents permitted him or if it was a joy ride he stole from them for the night. Well, it's a bad move either way.

The pest arrived at his destination. He knocked and waited at the door. What greeted him was his date, by human standards, a stunning noble beauty of a knight ready for a high society gathering.

I always find this funny. They now look like master and attendant, no butler, no, make that jester and their queen. No standing for development in the future from a budding romance because of social differences.

It seems that Love is blind, or did I do too good of a job to gild the lily? She even bought those corny lines. I see no hope for her poor future; I might as well add her to the festivities then.

Speaking of, they arrived at the school for the dance all right. I was hoping for an accident or two from Shirou, saying, "Tonight, I will tell her how I feel. I shall be your knight in shining armor for the evening. I look good. No greater beauty have I seen but you this night. Well, it looks good. I have something I want to tell you after the dance tonight. Would you hear me out?"

I mean, so many death flags are being raised. Do I need to change anything here? Why yes, I do.

He takes her hand, and they walk from the car and give the keys to the parker the school hired for the night. I laugh at how he dented Shirou's car with a street lamp. All the other cars for the night were in perfect condition.

While the two blissfully danced the night away, I worked my magic behind the scenes. Set up new lighting, readying the exits for the new local for the after party, and other party favors that I would give to my patrons' companions of the night. No, I didn't touch the punch bowl. I don't want them to run from reality. How else was I to enjoy this meal?

It is all set and almost midnight. The fun is just about to start. I will say farewell for now, Humanity, but the wait won't be too long till I write again.

Yours truly, The Great I.