Chapter Six: Amorette

To say that the next few days pass me by in a blur would be factually incorrect. The truth is, I’m so in and out of consciousness that days have no meaning to me anymore. I might go to sleep one night and wake up after God knows how long to find red on my hands, on my clothes – basically everywhere. Or I could be shopping for groceries, and suddenly I’d just pass out – and when I became conscious again, I’d be slumped against a wall and the sight of decaying bodies would cause me to heave whatever I had eaten previously.

It happens so often that it’s sort of become a cycle. I get too much sleep, but not enough. I don’t even know what the date is. And it’s all God’s fault, because the first time this happened was when I saw her last, and it’s been happening non-stop since. I can only imagine that it would get so much worse if I were to see her again any time soon.

When I wake up today, I’m surprised to be in my bed for once. I quickly reach for my phone on my bedside table, and when I realise it’s not there I groan and haul myself out of bed. I make it to the bathroom door before I remember that it’s probably in the last pair of jeans I wore. So I turn around, and drag my feet back to my room, then I start to dig through my laundry hamper. After ten minutes of wasted efforts, I find my phone. I press the on button once, but the screen remains black. Then I press and hold the on button, hoping that the screen will come to life. Five seconds later, the only thing that appears is the battery icon, saying that the phone is dead. Great.

I grab the charger and shove the end inside the phone’s charging port, out of patience and out of energy. I stand there for a minute, watching it regain battery, and wondering if I’ll ever be able to sleep properly again. Soon enough, my eyelids start dropping, so I crawl into bed and let the darkness of sleep engulf me once more.

‘WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?’

More screams.

‘SOMEBODY! HELP ME! PLEASE….’

More blood.

‘STOP! PLEASE, STOP!’

More bodies.

‘I’LL DO ANYTHING… JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP HURTING ME!’

More joy.

Each incision in the skin draws more blood, the thick, crimson liquid oozing out from the wounds like ink from a pen. Their desperate cries for help are in vain. A slit to the throat, a few broken bones, and one’s heart can stop beating like that. Sometimes it’s more fun to make them unrecognisable. The more blows they take, the more bloated and misshapen their body becomes. But the slow deaths are the best ones. Pressing the blade of a knife to the skin with increasing force until it breaks through the barrier, ripping apart a veins and arteries. Holding them underwater while the air slowly exits their lungs, and though they struggle and they fight it makes no difference in the end.

They all end up dead anyway.

I gasp awake, the ghost of a scream still echoing in my ears. But when it’s gone, I notice that something feels wrong. Though I’m still in my house – quite the miracle – it’s quiet. Too quiet. And while I usually don’t mind the silence, I’ll always have a problem with silences that amplify the sound of my heartbeat by a thousand decibels.

However, it’s not just my heartbeat that’s louder, but my thoughts, too. And it doesn’t take long for me to finally feel something about everything that’s been going on. Essentially, I’ve become… a murderer. A word I never thought I’d have to use to describe myself, but because of her that’s what it’s come to.

It’s always been looked down upon. By everyone I know, and even by me. It was always something I was taught to avoid, always something my parents tried to avoid for me. Though they never thought my current life would be my future, it didn’t cross their minds once that I would end up a serial killer. It’s not in my DNA and it’s quite frankly not me.

I want it to stop. I want it to stop so bad it could kill me. Ironic, really, given that I’m the one doing the killing. But the more I think about it, the more I realise how problematic it could be. If this doesn’t end now, I might end up losing the people I love. And I won’t let it get to that point.

It’s time to make a deal with God.