CHAPTER 2
SIN OF COWARDICE, part 10

"Jones... the fuck?"

"I don't want these powers" I admit, surprising him into a long pause. He clearly was not expecting my request.

“I don’t believe it. You’re still set on saying no to the task,” he says indignantly.

“Deck, don’t judge me. Can I have the brace—?”

But he moves it out of my view.

“You’re not getting anything from me, okay? Did you see what we did today? We saved Paris and this person. Look at him,” he says, pointing.

“Deck…”

“I said look at him! The necklace is working. See how peacefully he’s sleeping? You wanted me to find a solution, and I did.”

“Please…” He doesn’t realize it, but his words hurt.

“And I’m not talking about the invention itself. I’m talking about you. You fought against him. He was very powerful, but you won. Without banishing him into a black hole.”

“You think I didn’t see it?”

“You tell me. Apparently, you’re still whining about the steel man. A man who hurt your family and tried to kill you because he had nothing better to do.” He knows the situation was actually much more complicated than that. “How can you be so self-contradictory? You’re able to avoid getting angry at people who try to kill you, and yet you’re not comfortable fighting to defend innocent people from them. You, who have the power to do it.”

“You tell me how it is that you don’t understand. Deck, I’m afraid of my powers. I’m afraid of myself. When the fencer attacked me with everything he had, I felt cornered. I… I admit you were right. I wanted to send him into that black hole. That’s why I materialized it. The same thing happened with the steel man. That’s why the hole opened up. Otherwise, it never would have appeared.”

“Damn it, Jones, you’re human. It’s normal to get angry, to be afraid, but you’re the only hope for—”

“What hope? You say that I’m the only mutant who can do anything because I’m conscious of what I’m doing. But says who? You? The truth is, I don’t even know myself. Maybe I’m just the calm before the storm, and that’s why I can’t feel one hundred percent when I fight. Maybe the more I use my powers, the sooner I’ll lose my mind like the others. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I have dark powers!”

“Stop it!” he exclaims, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me in an attempt to make me see reason. “We don’t know what’s going to happen, and maybe you’re worrying for nothing.”

“Deck…”

“Shut up and listen to me!”

He quickly takes the box back and opens it, showing me the costume inside with the mask resting on top.

“This mask may look grim, unsettling, with stitching that looks like scars and all that, but that doesn’t mean it can’t symbolize something else: a hope for a new world where humans and mutants live in harmony! You did something amazing today. Many people, both humans and Nixtrians, are convinced that the only way to bring about peace is to eliminate that which is judged to be an evil. But the two of us… actually, you—because I wouldn’t have even bothered with the experiment if you hadn’t asked me—have proven that these people can change. You care not only about protecting humans but about protecting everyone. You could use your powers to materialize swords or other blades of dark matter, yet every time, you’ve created a shield to protect yourself and others. You are the shield of the Earth, Brian Jones. I beg you, I implore you… Accept it.” With tears in his eyes, he begs on his knees and remains silent, looking at me with a pained, pleading gaze broken by his sobs.

I take the mask and run my fingers over its details. I feel the cold of the metal covered in leather and the rayon inside. The difference in temperature between us causes a chill to pass through my hand, all the way to my back, making me shiver. With this mask and my powers, I have saved people. With Deck’s inventions, victory is possible. We can fight mutants without fearing extreme consequences, protect others, resist Blud. What I’m doing isn’t just a daydream. It’s not impossible; we can seriously do this.

…

But I won’t.

“I’m sorry.” I open a small black hole behind me, close the box, and toss it, along with its contents, over my shoulder. Both disappear into nothingness. “I know you won’t believe me. I know you’ll hate me now, but I simply can’t do it. I’m unable to do it. Don’t ask me why.”

Deck stands up again and turns away. He doesn’t want me to see him wiping away his tears.

Did it mean that much to him?

“I don’t want to generalize about your species, so I’ll focus on you.” He spins toward me, locking his eyes with mine. Contempt. And it’s all for me. “You may very well have your reasons for not doing what you know should be done, but I can’t imagine a single one—let alone a hundred—for giving up. So forget it. You’re not getting any of my dampers. You’ll keep your powers, so that every single day, you’re reminded of January eighth, when you chose to be a coward. You’ve just proven today that cowardice is the worst sin, Jones. You don’t deserve anything.”