3 years had passed which felt more like a decade. Every morning as usual she heard her alarm go off half contemplating to stay in bed and not get up to stay in the comforts of their blanket, the one that had lost the smell of Adam. She begrudgingly threw her legs off the bed and smacked her face to be more awake. Feeling tired, more and more tired but can’t sleep, she finally got up and trudged her way to the closet grabbing the first clothes she saw after getting ready. Selena put her hair in a messy bun not wanting to deal with her hair that needed to be cut but couldn’t find interest in bothering to take care of her needs and not wanting to wash her hair she can do that later, it takes too much energy to bother especially so early in the morning. Eyeing the time she had 15 minutes before she had to go to work and decided to make herself a to go coffee to deal with another day.

As Selena drugged her legs that felt like a hundred pounds she finally got to the kitchen while starting up her coffee and adding creamer to her to go cup she started looking around the house. Dishes started piling up again. I'll throw them in the dishwasher tonight and run it, she thought. The house got messy again, a jacket on the couch, her shoes on different sides of the room, and trash that needed to be taken out again. All Selena could think about how Adam would take out the trash how they would do the dishes together she washed them while he dried them, how they would each have a list of tasks they would tackle and spend the rest of the day together watching movies and talking about their days and laughing even if it might’ve not been interesting but rather it was interesting to them. All Selena could see in this house is what they would do with each other. A certain smell would remind her of him the simplest things that she never thought much of reminded her of him. She couldn’t stand it but she wouldn’t leave this home. Their home. Once the coffee finished brewing she poured it into her cup and left for her shift at her job.

Driving down the familiar mountain seeing the snow making her feel a bit bitter and seeing where it happened the place she lost him to she couldn’t help but tear up missing him. Had she made him stay and not work that day when he was already fighting an on coming cold she should’ve made him stay if she did he would still be here making the same dumb jokes and laughing together. It’s all my fault I should’ve forced him to stay even when he insisted on working. I should’ve listened to my feelings from that morning that made me feel queasy earlier. I should’ve said more to him instead of just saying goodbye at the door dismissing him while thinking about that morning’s appointment to confirm if that positive pregnancy test was indeed true.  I shouldn’t have thought that my feelings of that pitt in my stomach that morning was just about the thought of possibly being pregnant rather it was a warning of the unfortunate event that would happen that evening. 

As she got out of her car and went into the hospital to start her shift as a radiologist. When going in and setting everything up she seen Michael, her director and went to greet him.

Good morning Michael, do you have any overtime available? I want to work a bit longer today.

Michael glancing up from his paper work that he was concentrating on sighed before responding, “Selena you are already doing too much overtime as is I can’t allow you to do anymore for your well being.” 

But I am perfectly fine. I can do more. I feel great. She argued back.

Selena just looking at you anyone can tell you are sleep deprived ill tell you what, how about I drive you home you really don't look well. Ruby walked in as she was going towards the printer that had documents being printed out. 

I don’t need sleep. I am fine I always do my job and I can handle doing my own shift so mind your own business. Selena snapped, giving a glare towards her friend Ruby which in turn stuck her tongue out. 

Like Ruby said we can tell you haven’t slept well and this is a safety concern seeing the type of equipment you use I let it slide a few times seeing as you seem more alert but you are to sluggish now I don’t think you realized that your voice is flat and are talking slow, even the bag under your eyes is very concerning and I can see you were crying earlier. Michael replied smoothly. 

This is not fair I am fine let me wor-

No, Ruby doesn’t have to drive you home, but I will be taking you home. Give me your keys, I'll be driving your car back. You can come back tomorrow if you're well rested, otherwise you'll be taking tomorrow off too. Michael said, taking off his tag while standing up. 

Selena gripped her purse hard, holding it back to try to stay here knowing it wouldn't work as she saw Michael hold his hand out patiently and in a stern way. Selena dropped her keys in Michael's hands while glaring and muttering curses under her breath feeling slightly humiliated about feeling like she was a child being scolded what to do by a parent. Michael ignoring her frustrations smiled and thanked her while taking her bags and started walking to the first exit to get to the employees parking section with a reluctant Selena following behind knowing full well her colleagues were going to gossip about her yet again oh how she hated most of her colleagues. 

Driving in silence Selena fighting a losing battle fell asleep.