The sound of the ocean could be heard as she was walking the beach with Adam. A memory she held fondly the day he proposed to her a year after they got their house that was now furnished but still being fixed with different little jobs that still needed to be done. She was still in college as was he at the nice age of 21 and enjoying running around the beach and setting up for a picnic. They might’ve been broke then but being with him she felt so rich, rich in love and pure happiness. Going to college and working full time took so much energy some fights came out of it from not being around each other and feeling frustrated about that. They decided to try to align their schedules up as much as possible to be able to be with each other more than they have for the past year. Changing their schedule and making plans to go to different places at least once a month and working on the house together helped and made them feel stronger than they have in their relationship. Everything seemed to be getting better. That day at the picnic, as the sun was going down, Adam got down on one knee and proposed in which she said yes before he could finish asking the big question and jumped on him and hugged him tight.

She awoke to tapping on her shoulder. As she stirred and started waking up she looked over seeing a man waking her up seeing brown hair and eyes she couldn’t help but say. Adam?

I am sorry but I am Michael remember? We are at your house if you want, I can walk you into your house? Michael offered in a sympathetic way. 

No I am fine I was just dreaming I can go in by myself. Selena said almost too coldly and more angry at herself for believing he was still around and mistaking Michael for Adam. 

Alright then, here are your keys please get some rest. My uber is here, make sure you eat and stay inside as the snow will get heavier. Michael said concerned for his dear friend. 

As Michael took another look back seeing her walk swiftly into her home with a resounding slam at the door he left to continue on with his work.

As Selena went into her home she felt the same deep loneliness in her home the one she tried to stay away and work as much as possible and if not working going to different sides of the town eating out, seeing movies at the theaters, or even just getting into her car driving to a random place and sitting in her car for hours trying to keep everything suppressed as she felt if anything else more happened she'll drown in her emotions and won’t be able to continue on. If she didn’t stay out she'd bring home frozen meals to pop in the microwave or oven. Looking at the eucalyptus candle she bought all those years ago she felt the deep loneliness intensify and her heart ache and feeling rage that's always been an undertone in her feelings; after contemplating lighting the candle and smell a familiar smell for what was over the thousandth time she went to see what she had to eat. Her cabinets were barren as per usual but was hoping she had at least ramen to eat. Sighing she looked in the fridge and freezer only seeing baking soda and her creamer in there getting more frustrated she decided to go back out to bring something home to eat. 

Driving to the gas station she went in and grabbed all of the ramen she could find and grabbed a few frozen meals to keep her from coming back at least for a while and stopped at the alcohol aisle. Finally giving in to her desires for the first time in 2 years sense  she got black out drunk and didn't show for her shift for 3 days. Selena started grabbing a variety of different bottles of alcohol, anything that seemed to have a high alcohol content. 

As she got home she noticed the snow was cleared again from her driveway, most likely from Hopkins. He started to do things for her when she was struggling when her lawn would start to overgrow she would see Hopkins mow it. When she had opened her door she'd notice at times there was donuts and coffee, sometimes groceries and pre-made meals even when she told him countless times he didn’t have to. As she started eating her prized possession, ramen watching the news and drinking a bottle of tequilla. After the news went to break an ad for day care came up. Feeling highly offended and upset she threw her bottle, breaking her television that they bought together.

WHY me why did I have to lose everything, my husband, my kids why did you take them from me? She started yelling and sobbing. This isn't fair. I had faith I had been patient. I had always tried to do good so why did you take them all from me? She went into the room, the nursery she had started setting up before she lost her children the following month from her severe depression and overworking. As she looked at the dolls she got and the cribs that were still in the box she started hitting them throwing everything to the ground. The book shelf with children's books she threw it down with the amount of rage she had. Losing Adam was hard enough she already started working a  bit more getting a nesting egg fund started for when her children came, the only grasp of hope she had. The one thing that she felt she had to stay connected to him by blood was stolen from her just like Adam was stolen a month earlier. As she started looking around the room she trashed she got more mad about how unfair life was to her she started towards the kitchen getting resentful at the dishes that seemed to mock her about losing her Adam she started throwing them and breaking the glass shattering them all over the tiled floor, throwing the silverware, throwing her coffee maker, and kicking the chairs to the ground. Marching towards the living room she threw the magazines, the books, flipping the coffee tables, unable to move the heavy couches she kicked it with resentment. Thinking about the different memories, how they take turns cooking for each other, how they would read and discuss books together, how they chose the tables thinking how complete their life will be once they have their first kid. She lost all her babies and her husband. Her energy from her rage already seemed to dissipate; she fought to go to her room to break things but ultimately collapsed on the floor and passed out.