A coward who bends at the whims of her mother no matter the direction. She didn't have the strength or courage that they did. Calliope hadn't been ready to step out of her mother's reach, and she was frightened to walk down a road that hadn't already been perfectly laid out for her. Who was she if not her mothers' daughter? That was an identity that had yet to find her even now. While she had grown far past who she was when they were together, Calliope couldn't confidently say she was finally ready to take that leap of faith.

"I thought you'd hate me by now." The words escaped Calliope in a soft whisper. It was a thought that had weighed heavily on her mind ever since she made the choice that she did. She felt shame, she felt regret, yet she never turned back from the decision. It wasn't hard to choose the familiar world of her mother over the uncertainty that meant taking the hand of the person next to her without a plan of where to go next. To avoid her own abandonment Calliope left them behind. Wasn't that truly regrettable?

They hummed at her words. Their hand moved to take hold of Calliopes in one swift motion. "I couldn't hate you if I tried."

"You should."

"Maybe, but I don't. Would it be easier if I hated you, Cal? If I cursed your name and prayed on your misfortune? Would you rather I use you as an origin story for villainy?" Her last choice of words brought about a hearty chuckle from them both that lifted the heavy air that settled in the room.

"You're not funny I'm being serious-"

"So am I. So answer the question, Miss Hills."

"I don't know...I think it would be easier."

"And why's that?"

The answer hung dry in the space between them. They both knew why. It was because she felt she deserved it. While the answer was clear neither of them would fix their mouths to say it.

"I might've done the same, Cal. That's just what a mother's love is capable of. It'll turn you into something you can't recognize just to have a taste of it. Why would I hate you for something like that? Would you hate me if it was the other way around?"

"Not at all." She didn't even hesitate with her answer. If anything, Calliope felt they deserved everything they strived for and then some. While they compared their situations so easily, Calliope couldn't do the same. Calliope didn't even know exactly what she wanted from her mother. 

It was hard to chase after something she never knew she was supposed to have to begin with.

On the other hand, they used to have it. That bliss. That warmth that cradled your heart and sang to your soul when your mother looked at you and said you were worth it. To have that love just for it to be snatched away for something out of your control...that kind of pain seemed unmeasurable. So, if she had the same chance Calliope clung to, Calliope would never fault her for taking it.

"How's it working out for you?"

"I don't know if I'll be happy in the end." That was an undeniable truth Calliope couldn't hide from them even if she tried. She wasn't happy then, she wasn't happy about it now, and she's uncertain if she'll have a happily ever after waiting for her at the end of the tunnel. Her mother felt impossible to please, yet Calliope couldn't help but strive for the perfection the older woman sought. Calliope ached deeply for her approval, and it truly made her feel pathetic. Just thinking about it was enough to wet her eyes. She did her best to blink away the rapid gathering of tears but they inevitably spilled. With her free hand, she tried to wipe them away. "I'm sorry," she said, a dry chuckle following suit. "I'm just a bit frustrated, you know?" That was the best descriptor she could find for the overwhelming weight that kept her firmly in place. She gave up something truly worthwhile and replaced it with suffocation and endless dread. She felt a light, comforting squeeze from the hand of hers that was being held.

"Don't start saying sorry about stuff like that to me. I don't like it." She shifted herself to turn to face Calliope completely. "You can cry all you want, remember?" That was right. That's what they did. They cried together. They cried for each other. They cried alone but in the company of each other, always okay with listening. To think that wouldn't change after all this time. 

It was no wonder their presence utterly stripped away and knocked down every brick Calliope managed to stack up around herself. Every trick she pulled to prevent herself from bothering others who she was sure she only needed to fill a role for. The role of a friend, a place of comfort, a place of peace, anything she could do to ease the burdens others might carry alone. She had gotten so lost in these roles lately that she had forgotten what it felt like to be on the receiving end. At the end where you had someone who didn't want anything from you. Who simply strived for your happiness no matter what it might cost them.

That's what they were for Calliope and what she strived to be for them. A mutual understanding that placed the others well being as a top priority. It wasn't that she hadn't grown to find friendships and relationships that could compare up until now. It was just, she was frightened to allow the same things to repeat themselves again. What if she allowed herself to be this raw and open with the friends she made now? With the people who now held such an important place in her heart? Calliope genuinely believed it would be a repeat of what happened all those years ago between the two of them. A repeat of her mother deciding that Calliope simply wasn't supposed to allow herself to get this wrapped up in the whims of others her mother deemed less than. 

The first time she fell in love, love became a treacherous disease that left your mind inconceivable; that's how her mother so graciously described it to her.

A foolish endeavor. A place where the clouds swallowed you whole and left you in a trance filled with pure fantasy and wonder. While the cruel intentions to stomp out the flame in her heart were there, the Love Calliope felt was never quick to die. Still, how could she claim to love someone and then allow them to endear the same cruel words and temperaments? It was truly for the best that Calliope let them go when she did. 

Though, what about now? Now that they were in front of her comforting her as if time never escaped them. As if the mistakes, the regret, the losses, as if none of it cracked the path they walked together and split them apart. The past wasn't something that simply died with time. It always reared its head and how you dealt with it would be a testament to your character. That was something Calliope believed to be true yet right now she wasn't sure how she should handle this. 

How should she handle the closing distance between them? The spinning of her head, her heart drumming in her ears, even the way she shamelessly craved the warmth they shared moments prior.

"Yeah, yeah I remember." Calliope mumbled the words in response just as their foreheads comfortably pressed against one another. That simple testing of the lake had now taken her knee-deep. Every passing second she was sinking further and further until her feet no longer had a place to stand. The water was an all-consuming force of nature that shook her resolve and waited patiently for her to completely plunge under. Her face was gently cupped in their palms, their thumbs tenderly gliding beneath her eyes.

"Even if everything else is different that never changes." 

Then Calliope felt a kiss placed gingerly on her forehead. The sweet gesture sent static through her veins. It was almost ridiculous how easy she found it to melt under the sensation of their soft lips against her skin. They dropped their hands from her face in clear hesitation but didn't make the move to back away. The two of them were utterly stuck in each other's space. Oh how easy it was to fall back into old habits. 

"So.." Calliope began, attempting to brush aside the flush of her cheeks and the banging in her ears. "So what's different? Why'd you come here?" Whether that meant here at Davina or here with her. Either could be applied and the other was direct enough to answer both.

"I came to Davina for a change of pace. I thought that, if I really believed in myself for once, then I could really do it. The whole hero thing." She paused, her fingers so casually drawing circles on top of Calliope's knee as she processed what she wanted to say next. "I came to see you because I wanted to know if I still had a place. I wanted to see just how much really changed."

"Were you just feeling nostalgic?" Calliope teased. "I'm sure you still have plenty of pictures for that."

"You're right but the pictures aren't the same as the real thing. Have you made any friends?"

"Yeah, I made a few. I still talk to Mai. Simone is around. We have interesting first years."

"Have you met anyone?"

"Yes." She paused for a moment. She wondered if she should go on but the thought of withholding was always fleeting when it came to them. It felt damn near impossible. "I think so at least. It's complicated...I don't know. Maybe I'm just overthinking."

"Are you together?"

"No..."

"Do you want to be?"

"Yeah, I...I really think I do."

"What are they like?"

That was a question Calliope wasn't sure how to answer. To her, Soda was many things wrapped up into a perfectly packaged present, and every time she was around him, she found something new inside when she unraveled the bow. He was a blinding ray of sun that peaked through the clouds even on the stormiest of days. He was someone she couldn't help but long to be around. He felt homely. The kind of person you wanted to start and end your day with. He wasn't perfect, no, but he was captivating. She wanted to be someone he could count on no matter where the wind took them. Despite all this, she still found herself hesitating. Constantly stopping in front of that crooked line between them. She was scared to fail again. Always questioning his intentions and her own. If it was real and if it was worth it to allow herself to take that final step off the deep end and fall without desperately clinging to the edge of the mountain. To the safety net the two had created. Whether she sunk or fell, she was sure the outcomes would be the same and that's what terrified her the most. 

How silly she was being. She was asked a simple question and instead went on a deep spiral over nothing.

"He's exactly the kind of person I thought he was and then some. He makes me want to try again." It was hard to put him into words that didn't feel generic or simple to say. Of course, he was kind, he worked hard and looked out for others, he had a good head on his shoulders, and she thought him to be empathic and endearing. Someone who made it easy to leave room for in your heart. Still, the kind of fears that weighed her down was hard to brush aside. She let them get in the way and then she wondered if that aided in the back-and-forth routine she and Soda often played. If it was a part of the reason they didn't talk about the feelings that mattered. If it was the reason she felt more at ease when she approached him as a friend over that of a lover. She knew she was being ridiculous, but it was difficult to sit down and open that complicated box. Who knows, maybe the day the two of them finally sat down and talked about all the things that plagued them, they'd find more things they could get each other through as a team.

"Yeah? Then you know I'm happy for you." while something else lingered behind their words Calliope knew she meant them.

"You met anyone?"

"For a while there was someone, yeah. She took me for a bit of a ride."

"Good or bad?"

"A bit of both." There was a fondness dancing in their dark eyes as if they had been taking a stroll down memory lane. "It was great until it wasn't. Might have been rockier than the end with you."

"You regret it?"

"No. Not her and not you. Regret isn't anything but thinking too much about stuff out of your control."

"Never thought of it that way. I figured regret was just feeling shitty over things you did. The choices you didn't make. Stuff like that."

"Or all of the above. It's complicated."

"Yeah, complicated."

"Complicated isn't a bad thing, though."

"You think so? I don't know, I thought some things were just supposed to be easy."

"If it's too easy then something ain't right."

"That just sounds exhausting. Don't you wanna know what easy feels like?"

"I already got a taste of that. Started easy then got complicated."

"Which part of it did you prefer?"

"The easy parts."

"Exactly. Easy and simple is just the better way to go."

"But it can't always be that way. It's a constant back and forth."

"You're right. Easy, complicated, then easy again."

"That's the order if you're lucky."

Calliope felt the buzzing of her phone in her pocket. The sensation pulled her away from the conversation. She checked the time and then the messages. She sighed, her brows furrowing. Right, she had things to do. She couldn't just stay here and get lost without a care. They couldn't dance from conversation to conversation without interference from the world outside that door. She looked at the person across from her with apologetic eyes.

"You got to go?" She asked.

"Yeah," Calliope answered. She moved to slide off the bed. The distance felt unnatural the moment it was created. "Let's walk out together?" She wasn't ready to depart from them just yet. She still had questions she wanted to ask. She wanted to know what they had been up to. Which Academy they attended before coming here. The friends they made. The stories she was sure came in the dozens. She wanted to hear it all.

"Yeah, let's."

So that's what the two of them decided on. Taking their time through the halls until it was finally time for them to part once more.