Mika gulped, feeling his hands getting sweaty. He had mentally prepared himself to see Aleksandr giving him a lecture, going through a detailed presentation on his laptop, or showing him a list with at least 100 points.

But he didn’t expect to hear that there were only two rules. The simplicity of it caught him off guard.

“First, I would like us to refrain from any physical contact when we’re at work or outside of our private space, such as our apartments,” Aleksandr stated, then paused to give Mika a moment to collect himself and respond.

Mika knew something like this would sooner or later come out of Aleksandr’s mouth. But even with that, he felt a little throbbing in his chest. Knowing something was completely different from hearing it. Words are powerful, but as long as they remain unspoken, their effect is diminished.

And now, with Aleksandr saying this out loud, he couldn’t stop the train of thoughts racing through his mind. What if the Aleksandr I saw back then at my home was a one-time situation? What if I never see that passionate gaze, hear those comforting words, or feel that warmth again? Wasn’t he longing for a touch as much as I am? Doesn’t he want to show the entire world how happy he is?

Aleksandr, quick to pick up on Mika’s internal battle, comforted him by saying, “Things will be different when we’re alone.”

“But… why?” Mika asked, looking at him, still not able to understand why he wants to refrain from physical contact in a public space. Then he added, his lips parting as if unsure of his own words, “Are you by any chance… ashamed of me?”

In Mika’s dating history, his boyfriends had always showered him with affection. He never had to hide the fact that he liked men and was gay: his parents loved him for who he was and never questioned the choices he had made. This is why hearing ‘no physical contact in a public space’ was something entirely new to him.

But that was his world and the life he had experienced.

All he knew about Aleksandr’s past was what Aleksandr had told him: ‘I have less dating experience than you.’ Mika never asked him what he meant by that, but he hoped that when the right time came, Aleksandr might open up and share more about his history.

Maybe I should just give him more time, Mika reflected as the waitress came with their order. He took a sip of his coffee and a bite of his strawberry cake. While he was doing this, Aleksandr waited for the waitress to leave before leaning forward, ready to give his explanation.

“Do you really think I would be sitting here with you if I were ashamed?” he bounced the question right back at Mika.

Mika shrugged, then dived his fork into his cake. Whatever the reason was, he wanted to hear it from Aleksandr directly.

“You’re completely wrong. I’m not ashamed of you right now and I’m sure I’ll never be in the future. The thing that I said… the rule I mentioned first…, “ he answered, trying to put the sentence together, “… is because I believe that if something or someone is dear to your heart, you should protect it…”

Mika stopped, his hand frozen mid-air with a piece of cake.

“…and by protecting, I mean keeping it away from other people’s knowledge,” Aleksandr finished, meeting Mika’s eyes, which were wide with shock at this sudden confession.

The phrases ‘dear to your heart’ and ‘protecting from other people’s knowledge’ rang in Mika’s ears so loudly that he stopped hearing the music playing in the café. The clinking of cups and murmurs of conversation faded into the background. Yet again, he was left speechless by Aleksandr’s words, which seemed to pierce through his very soul.

Letting out a long sigh, he placed his hand on the table. Truth be told, he now felt uneasy because of his silly assumptions. Why was being ashamed the first thing that came to his mind?

He rubbed his forehead helplessly with his other hand, unable to grasp the situation. How is it that the person who claims to have less dating experience was constantly leaving him speechless? How was he able to touch the deepest part of his heart over and over again?

He sat quietly, contemplating how he should reply. “You got me here; I don’t even know what to say now,” he murmured, hiding his face behind both hands. “And the second rule? You said there were only two,” Mika asked, lowering his hands slightly to peek through his fingers. As much as he wanted to respond to Aleksandr’s beautiful words, he couldn’t help but feel anxious about the second rule. What could it be?

“I would like us to be in an exclusive relationship. Helping and supporting each other. No dating other people. Having sex only with each other. Of course, if you agree to that,” Aleksandr smiled softly before taking a bite of his chocolate cake.

That’s about the time when we clarify those things, Mika noted, feeling relieved. He was waiting for those words since their conversation at Mika’s apartment. He didn’t want it to be just simple ‘helping’. He wanted it to be a true relationship, in every sense of the word.

Up until now, Aleksandr offered his help by becoming part of Mika’s life and helping him regain his smile. It was all about his time and commitment. He wanted to be there for Mika and support him without asking anything in return. But with these words, the situation had changed: Aleksandr wanted to know if Mika was willing to do the same for him.

He looked into Aleksandr’s green eyes, which were patiently waiting for his reply. He didn’t want to keep him hanging, so he wanted to reassure him about his intentions.

“I’m glad you brought this up. When I’m in a relationship, I dedicate myself 100%. The person I’m with becomes the most important one for me and always comes first. There is no one else, I can promise you that.”

With this, Mika aimed to express his willingness to not only accept Aleksandr’s support, but to do the same for him. He wanted them to be equal partners. He wanted to make sure that Aleksandr could rely on him as much as Mika would be seeking his support.

Seeing Aleksandr’s smile widened, Mika couldn’t help but believe that the other man was pleased with his response.