I remember when I was younger, I had the worst sweet tooth and would constantly get cavities. My dad would get upset because he didn’t spend money to get them fixed, even though we definitely had the money to do so, and my mom would get upset because it was ruining my teeth, and after each new cavity, she would tell me, “Stop making holes in something perfect when those holes are easily avoidable.”

The reason I bring this up is because that’s exactly how I feel right now, like I’m making holes in something perfect when I could’ve easily avoided the whole situation. Everything was fine, perfect even, and now ever since I met Wesley, things have started to fall apart.

Part of me can’t stop blaming Wesley for this whole thing, even though I know it’s not his fault, but it’s easier than trying to accept that it’s my fault and that I wasn’t good enough to stop all this shit from happening. If I had been more careful, none of this would’ve happened, everything would be fine.

And yet part of me still is blaming Wesley, simply because of the fact that ever since the day I met him, my life has gone to shit. Now, because of that, I’ve been ignoring Wesley for about a day now, which I know isn’t fair to him, but it’s the only way I can cope right now. Finding out that one of my only friends from Earth is still alive after believing that she had been dead for a year doesn’t help either.

Despite my bitchy attitude, Wesley is still being his annoyingly happy self, and I just don’t understand why. I don’t understand why he is still being nice to me or why he hasn’t left. Why would you be nice to someone who is treating you like shit? …that sounds familiar, doesn’t it? …STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! DON’T, DON’T TALK ABOUT THEM, OR EVEN THINK ABOUT THEM! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! LEAVE! LEAVE ME ALONE!

“Edi… Are you okay?” Wesley’s voice snaps me back to reality, my head whips around to face him, my face resembling that of a deer in headlights. What did he say? I don’t know…I couldn’t hear him, all I could hear was his voice. He said my name, I think…I can’t remember.

“Are you okay?” He repeats, moving closer to where I sat on my bed. I don’t want to lie to him, I’ve already lied so many times, but there is nothing he can do to help me. Regardless, I shake my head, and I can see the sadness in his eyes grow, there is no way he actually cares that much…right?

“Is there…anything I can do to help?” I shake my head once more. Even if there was something he could do, I wouldn’t let him. He doesn’t need to deal with more of my shit than he already does. He sighs, and I can tell he’s disappointed. I don’t like that. I don’t like that my problems are making someone else upset. So I stand up and walk over to him. I already know I’m not going to like this, but it’s the only thing I can think of that might help. I take a deep breath, trying to hype myself up, then I do it. 

I hug him. My arms wrap around his torso, and I press my body close to his. All I can do right now is hope that I’m doing this right. It’s been so long since I’ve hugged someone that I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like. I can hear his breath hitch, fuck, that means I caught him off guard. Then I feel all the tension drain from his body, and he hugs me back. It feels a lot nicer than I thought it would, and I wish I could stay in this moment forever, because for just a second, everything fades and it’s just the two of us. Nothing else matters, and that’s fine. 

And then it’s over. As soon as it started, it had ended. For a brief moment afterward, I catch myself thinking about my childhood and my friends from Earth, and I wonder just for a moment, ‘Is Wesley my friend?’, before pushing that ridiculous thought away, because why would Wesley want to be my friend when all I’ve done is treat him like shit.

“Thanks, Edi…I needed that,” Wesley says, smiling at me. I look away. I still can’t believe I actually did that. That I actually hugged him, and worst of all, that I wouldn’t mind doing it again. 

“Well, I’m going to go make some lunch,” Wesley says, walking towards the door. I nod briefly at him as he leaves the room. When he’s gone, and I’m alone again. I let out a sigh. These last few days have been hard, finding out Piper is still alive, protecting Wesley from P.A.G., everything seems to be going so fast, I can barely keep up.

I quickly change my shirt and head out to the kitchen, where Wesley is making lunch, just like he said he would be. My gaze flicks over to my computer in the living room, and I think back to my last conversation with Piper. She’d said she was going to try to find a way to come over to my apartment without drawing too much attention. I don’t know how she’s planning to do that, but I have trust that she’ll figure it out, she always does.

A beeping from the kitchen pulls me out of my head. I look and see Wesley taking out a dish of mac n cheese from the microwave. Screw Muffin being psychic, Wesley must be psychic, because there is no way he just so happened to make my comfort food after what just happened. My stomach rumbles at the thought of that cheesy goodness, and I walk over to the kitchen, as if drawn to the food itself.

Wesley sees me walking over and smiles. “I made mac n cheese, I hope you like it,” You little shit, smiling like that after making my comfort food, what kind of manipulation is this? Certainly not a tactic I’d been trained against.

I snatch the dish of mac n cheese from Wesley. It doesn’t matter if he wants some, because he’s not getting any. I start eating it before I even sit down, shoveling forkful after forkful of cheesy heaven, not caring that Wesley was staring.

“You uh…Like mac n cheese?” Wesley asks, I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not, so I nod, not stopping for a moment to even look at him. “I couldn’t tell,” Wesley teases. This time, I could tell it was sarcasm.

I quickly finish the whole dish and finally turn to look at Wesley. “So…you still hungry?” Wesley asks, I cock my head. Why would he think I’m hungry? I shake my head. “Oh, ok, just checking, cause you ate that mac n cheese like it was your final meal.” Wesley jokes, and I guess a look of pure realization had appeared on my face because Wesley dies laughing. I couldn’t have looked that stupid, right? Well, I guess I must’ve if Wesley was laughing that hard. 

The moment is broken by a loud knocking on the door. I hesitantly approach and look through the peephole. There’s no one there, what the fuck. I cautiously open the door and look around. There’s no one in sight. I look down, and then I see it. A letter, with big sprawling handwriting on the front. It reads “To The Phantom Darkness”. Great, yet another hole added to this set of no longer perfect teeth.