They had just finished their breakfast when Lumi decided it’s the right time to confront Cain.   

“You still do not want to talk to me?” 

Yes, count on Lumi to throw questions Rigel wanted but unable to ask. It had been three days since Cain became almost completely mute prince. Rigel wanted to complain since Cain now ordered him with only a few gestures, but it must be more frustrating for Lumi whose status was the prince’s friend. Rigel, dislike it or not, only a servant for Cain. He could not complain even if Cain decided to treat him like an air. But with Lumi, it was a completely different story.

Cain sighed. “... If you want to investigate the queen…”

“We have talked about this before. How long do you want to refuse it?” Lumi slammed her fork to the plate, almost stabbing Rigel who wanted to pick up the empty plates onto the tray. “You were angry at me before because I didn’t consider your sister’s feelings. And I was sorry about it. But now? Do you still refuse to discuss this? This is about your life. One wrong step, you might get yourself killed.”

“She wouldn’t go that far...”

“She would!” Lumi raised her tone, almost snapping. “Let’s say, you are capable enough to evade her murdering attempt. But for how long?! Who would be her next target when she failed to aim at you? Rigel might be next or I would be.”

Rigel stayed silent, observing Cain whose expression now was a mixture of defeat and annoyance.

“Andromeda had to rely on your sister to keep her position in the palace. Whoever her daughter marries, he has to be next king of Alrauna or else she might be reduced to her original class, madam of Lacerta. It just makes sense that she got rid of that Ruben.” 

“There’s no evidence that the queen is the culprit.” Cain sighed. “What could I do? Ask the king to pry into her everyday activity? One word about these leaks to the press, and people would start questioning the king.”  

“We have to, Cain. Like it or not, we have to investigate her!”

“I can not ask that from him, Lumi. She is his wife.”

And who was Cain again? Only the illegitimate son Holden might never admit, if only Andromeda could give birth to another son to be his heir. Cain was trained to not voice his wish to his own father.

Rigel realized that Cain–being as capable as he was–usually tried to do nothing that might cause a clash between his father and his step mother. This young man chose to endure hardship, bullying, and just defend himself when needed. Like stepping on thin glass surfaces, Cain lived his life carefully, almost not trusting anyone. 

Lumi might not understand this, but Rigel does. 

After all, he had experience with someone like Cain. Someone who keeps quiet about the hardship they are facing, hoping that everything would be all right if they just endure and hold out long enough until everything falls back into their place. Just hold on for one more day, then to one month, and finally years. The sacrificial act had turned into a forced habit, a really bad one.

And Rigel also adored the way Lumi forced Cain to open up. Seeing this young miss, Rigel sometimes wondered what would happen if back then he was as sensitive and caring as Lumi. 

“What do you think, Rae?” Lumi asked in a tone asking for support. Rigel was taken aback because he was not ready to be involved in this kind of conversation. 

“Me?” Rigel pointed at himself. Lumi and Cain rarely involved him in their conversation. Sure, he was Lumi’s bickering partner and Cain’s servant. But he was never directly involved when they were talking to each other since for him, it’s already fun seeing them go into a fight so often.

“Yes. Duh? Who else is in this room beside the three of us?”

Lumi’s icy blue eyes stared intently at Rigel. But so did Cain’s honey gold irises. Both asking him for support, Rigel had to pick whose side he had to take. 

“I am not sure…” Rigel really was not sure who to cheer on actually. He understood Lumi’s sentiment and yet Cain’s his master. How difficult. He better divert the attention back to Cain. “Let’s be clear about what the prince wants first?”

 Rigel looked at Cain, eyeing even his slightest change of expression. “Let’s not talk about your father or your sister, not even about missy.”

Lumi frowned deeply hearing Rigel’s sentence but she patiently waited about what Rigel would say next.

Rigel looked directly into Cain's eyes. The gold gleam in his eyes had dimmed a lot, compared to what Rigel’s remember at their first meeting. He had been through so much after all.  

“What do you want, Prince?”

 What do I want?

Cain never really asked himself about that before. Almost all his life, he spent it to please Holden, being a good brother to Estelle, and accepting whatever Andromeda did because he was guilty for taking the queen’s happiness as the illegitimate son of the king.

He didn’t want to be the king, yet he studied hard about politics, economics, state administration, et cetera just to fulfill others' expectations.

“I… don’t know…”

He couldn’t even remember what he wanted to be before Holden came and shaped his dream for him. Now Rigel talked as if Holden was out of the picture, Cain found himself so empty. 

Rigel had expected this answer. He sighed and patted Cain’s head. His gesture might seem impolite to an outsider. Cain was a prince and nobody shall touch even just a strand of his hair without permission. But to Rigel, this young man who had not been twenty yet, was still a kid at heart. 

“Then, your homework for today is finding out what you want.” Rigel sighed. “Then we could decide our next step. We can investigate the queen or we can just go back home to Bianca Village, Beckett would also accept you if you want a change of atmosphere. Nothing and no one is holding you back.”

This time, Rigel did not want to repeat the same mistake. Assuming what he thinks is the best option as what the other party also wanted. That way of thinking had led him to life where he lost his only family. There’s no way he would repeat the same mistake. 

“Be the king or be the commoners, you choose. Nothing is really wrong. There’s nothing absolutely right about which path to take either. If you can choose your difficulties, then also choose what makes you happy most, Prince.”

***

“Are you always that good at handling people?” Lumi asked as she sat together with Rigel, observing Cain in the middle of his archery training.

“Am I good?” He didn’t mean to be humble when he replied to Lumi with another question. It was true curiosity since nobody really told him that before. He was told that he was charming or worse, simply ‘flirty’. But never ‘good at handling people’. “What makes you think so?”

“Duh…” Lumi rolled her eyes in annoyance. “I have been his friend since forever but he never really listens to me. But to you? He didn’t resist you at all?”

Lumi of course didn’t know what Rigel went through before. She had not witnessed how Cain abused their ‘bond’ to force him into submission just because he took what Rigel said or did the wrong way. If they had to reminisce about the past, they really had gone through much until this point where Cain trusts nobody but Rigel to keep him safe. 

“Don’t you think it’s because you are too young to give advice? I also won’t take advice from someone who’s barely seventeen.” Rigel chuckled while Lumi started hitting his upper arm.

Lumi sighed deeply. A big heavy sigh. Then she observed Cain who was pulling the bow and aiming at the target. “Ever since Ian’s gone, it’s never the same between me and Cain. You know why?”

Rigel shook his head, he just patted Lumi’s head, persuading her to continue to talk her heart out. Less word but his calm gesture sure gave Lumi’s space she needed. Rigel realized that more than the silent and introverted Cain, Lumi’s actually needed to be heard more. Her talkativeness and dominating nature were just a cover to hide that she was actually afraid of many things. She was trying to be in control of her own emotion and fear by acting though.

Seeing Lumi, it’s like seeing a piece of his past self. Confident yet fearful, and tough looking but actually fragile. 

“Ian was someone dear to me, my only family since we lost our parents in the civil war. I lost him because of that sister of his. Though I never blamed Cain for it, he seemed to mind about it a lot.”

“I can understand that.”

“I know maybe we could go back to how we used to be if only I could forgive that Estelle…” Lumi covered her eyes with her palm and bit her lip. It must be so painful to talk about Ian.

“But I can not. I don’t want to.”

The feeling of not wanting to forgive, all so familiar to Rigel. After all, forgiving someone when they treat you badly is one thing. But to forgive someone who you think had hurt people you love was like a betrayal. 

If it was not for your beloved’s sake, it still would feel like a betrayal for your own self. Toward your own loyalty and feelings. 

It’s arduous. 

“Healing takes time. If it was not easy for you, it doesn't mean you are evil or whatever.” Rigel was not an innocent person. On the contrary, he’s even here by Cain’s side because he’s a sinner. 

But as he was, it had taught him that committing a sin was not always about giving into temptation nor doing something for one’s own greed. 

Sometimes, only having feelings could lead someone to be a sinner.  

“Who in this world is perfect? We are just humans, born with feelings.”