I am writing this entry from deep within the bowels of the lab, deep in hidden tunnels I built decades ago but never anticipated truly using. If I run my fingers along my torso, I can trace a Y-shaped incision sutured down the length of my chest and abdomen. I learned His name tonight- Taoxhul. The intention was clear, that I was not to forget it. He most certainly is not anything of this realm, much less this plane of being. 

Admittedly, my practices have never been humane. Countless individuals have disappeared into my lab, taken and used for experimentation- never to be heard from again. I have a keen interest in anatomy, and how the body works. I say this to establish that among the twisting halls of the lab, a few of the many rooms are vast operating theaters in which I operate on my subjects.

He brought me there tonight, after I failed to ambush him while he had his back to me. Though, I fear he already knew my intentions- and allowed me to continue with my plan, just so he could enact his punishment and establish his domineering position in my new life. 

The plan, truthfully, was pathetic. I approached his towering frame as he was inspecting a bookshelf full of antique medical texts. I thought he had not heard me as I raised the scalpel I had been clutching in my hand- ready to pierce his back. Not an intent to kill, but to distract him long enough for me to get out of this place and flee to God knows where. But much like Icarus, I had flown too close to the sun- as the towering beast grabbed me by my face firmly, squeezing my jaw as he looked down into my widened eyes. My body trembled and my heart beat so fast in my chest I thought it may burst. The abrupt clatter of the metal instrument on the wooden floor was the only sound in the room at that moment, and time felt as though it stood still- just the two of us there. 

“Tsk…it seems you have forgotten that your mind is not your own anymore, little worm. Did you really think this pathetic attempt at rebellion was a private affair?” the sharp angles of his face twisted and contorted into a wide grimace, “I have lived epochs sustained by thoughts of grandeur, larger than your mind could begin to ever comprehend. Your blueprint was read as soon as that little seed was planted in your head, I just wanted to see if you would follow through.” 

I fumbled over my words, searching for something- anything- sputtering out a half apology in desperation, in fear of whatever was about to come from my poor choice of actions. Taoxhul only smiled at me, squeezing tighter as his claws threatened to pierce my skin.

“I found your plan quaint,” he chuckled, his expression now that of wry amusement, “But you must understand that your defiance has an agonizing cost.” 

That is when he led- no, forced me- down into the lab, leading me down the halls until he found one of the many operating theaters. The space was expansive, and the air was stale and cold here- one light in the center of the room dimly illuminated a single operating table. The beast fought me down onto the cold steel slab, easily restraining my fighting form in place. 

He traced the curvature of my chest with a pointed finger, almost as though he were admiring my flesh itself. I let out puffs of air as my heart raced deep in my thoracic cavity, blood pressure high enough to spring a fatal leak. Taoxhul hummed in the dark as he located the old tray of medical instruments, the squeak of old, rusted wheels made me painfully aware of what was about to happen to me. He clicked his tongue, holding a finely sharpened scalpel to the light and watching it catch what few rays the old dying bulb above produced down here.

I hardly had time to process what more was to come before I felt my captor slice through my tissue. The pain was absolute, but the most horrific part was the absolute precision of his hand. I felt the sensation of my skin peeling back, my ribcage exposed, my vital organs cooling in the frigid air of the room, yet I was paralyzed and utterly conscious. He performed the most intimate, clinical dissection, all while using his voice to lecture me.

“This,” he spoke, almost in a mocking tone- feigning sympathy for my unfortunate position, “Is the anatomy of a coward. And this,” the words echoed through my skull as he reached into my chest to remove my still beating, still alive, heart- “Is where Taoxhul shall reside.” The first time he had stated his name. The very first time he made sure I knew who he was. 

I felt faint, the world was spinning- and the dim light alone made me feel ill, every nerve fiber in my body radiating a burning hot agony as my body lay splayed open on this unfeeling table. The declaration of my captor’s name was a profound truth that rattled what remained of my psychological walls, breaking me down to dust. I lay silent and still when it was over, not bothering to watch as he carefully sutured my body close to once more. He knitted me whole with an uncanny ability, as if he had done this countless times before. 

The message was clear as could be; my vessel was his laboratory. His experiment. His alone to utilize as he pleases, and if I failed to fall in line, the consequences would be dire. He punished me by making me a subject of my own morbid scientific curiosity- as I had done to countless unwilling volunteers before. The horror of this is: I am forced to acknowledge the perfection of his vivisection of my form, the careful yet flawless technique. The perfect surgery.

I am in hiding now, deep beneath the Genesis, praying the ancient concrete and wiring can shield my thoughts from the presence that now dwells just as much inside my flesh as it does outside my window. ​This is no longer an experiment; it is the documentation of my enslavement.