This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This work contains mature themes, including violence and sexually explicit content, and may not be suitable for all audiences. It is only intended for readers 18 years and older. Reader discretion advised. 

        The interior of the training room was large. So large, in fact, that it could hardly be called a room, at all. By Alexei’s estimations, the interior was roughly the size of a football stadium, though it contained none of the seats or turf that would make him think it had once been one. Every surface was painted a cool grey color, with black lines running both horizontally and vertically, creating hundreds, if not thousands, of squares along their intersections. The sheer emptiness of it is what caused him an eerie sense of unease, and he couldn't help but feel like he was trapped inside of a massive grid. 

So far, all that Alexei had seen of The Lamb Center were it's residential and medical wings, along with the lush resort-like courtyard that encircled the Merciful's living spaces. The training room was by far the most military-like space Alexei had entered since arriving, and as he walked toward the small group of people gathered in the center, an all-to-familiar panic started to twist and churn in his chest. His steps faltered, but Felix’s grip on his arm pulled him forward. To Alexei, it was obvious that Felix hadn’t detected anything unusual about his behavior. The man still smiled just as brightly, his clear eyes looking straight ahead as he continued to chatter. 

“Isn’t it cool?” Felix said in an excited whisper. “You finally get to meet the whole team.”

Of course he would be meeting the whole team. Alexei hadn’t even considered that, and upon realizing, it did nothing to ease his anxiety. Still, he followed Felix’s gaze and sure enough, the remaining unmet members of the Merciful all stood together talking in hushed tones. Red, orange, yellow, violet, and pink. Alexei’s legs locked, his muscles refusing to move even an inch forward, and Felix’s arm snagged as he tried to pull the now panicking guide forward.

"You okay?” He whispered.

A firm voice came from behind them, and for reasons unknown even to himself, Alexei felt strangely relieved to hear them. “He’s fine,” Daniel said. “Go with Kalvis. We'll be there in a moment.”

Felix seemed unconvinced, his eyes moving from Daniel to Alexei with an unmistakable look of reservation.     

       “Well, if you’re sure…”

“We’re right behind you,” Alexei echoed quickly, as he tried his best to keep his voice from shaking. “I promise.”

Felix squeezed his arm, giving Daniel a sharp look as if to say "Don't do anything stupid." 

       “Alright,” he finally said with hesitation. Then he turned on his heels and trotted after Kalvis, catching up to his husband’s long strides with a few sleek bounds. 

       Alexei envied him. For a guide, with no innate powers of his own, Felix didn’t seem worried in the slightest. Alexei cast a sidelong glance towards the other Merciful. This must seem like a day off to everyone here, considering the alternative was fighting real beasts with real teeth and real claws. The panic started tightening its grip around his lungs again, wringing him free of much needed oxygen, as he grew more and more lightheaded. Alexei didn’t want to think about the gates. He didn’t want to think about how he would be expected to go inside them, either. It was a hellish thought. He would be horrifically torn apart as soon as a beast laid eyes on him, just like that boy he’d been too cowardly to even try and save. It was of no use to train. It was of no use to make friends or try to navigate a partnership with Daniel. 

       None of that mattered when he would most likely die instantly like some sort of weakling. Or worse, what if he distracted someone and they lost their life? Felix would surely try to help him if something went wrong. What if he got the only experienced S-Class guide killed out of sheer incompetence? Kalvis would probably kill him, right? He was a nice guy, but getting a man’s husband killed would be more than enough to push someone over the edge. He hadn't even really thought about what either esper he'd met could do. He'd been too busy trying to find a way out of the Center and arguing with Daniel to really think on it. Maybe Kalvis would flay him alive with his mind to take his revenge? 

       The more dark hypotheticals Alexei imagined, the tighter the feeling in his chest became. Could Daniel do things like that? No, surely not. His thing had to be ice-related. Those cold, unseen fingers he enjoyed using so inappropriately had to be related to his powers. There was no reason to assume someone who could manipulate temperature could flay him alive, as well. That Alexei’s mind raced, and the ruminating thoughts of blood and gore flitted behind his eyes like a gruesome 35mm film, dark and unyielding. 

        Then another grim vision snaked into his mind. What if he got Daniel killed? Alexei couldn’t stand the man, but what would happen if he died? Would he be expected to partner with another esper? He’d told Daniel before that he didn’t want an esper at all, and that was true, but he trembled at the thought of starting this process over with someone else. Daniel was undeniably insufferable, but who’s to say that the next esper wouldn’t be even worse. It hadn’t just been Daniel waiting for another S-Class guide to appear. From the sound of it, it had been most, if not all, of the unmatched espers desperate for a guide. The thought of someone with even less consideration for his boundaries made Alexei’s skin crawl and set his teeth on edge. 

        “Hey,” Daniel said. “What’s–”

“Why did you–” Alexei interrupted, as Daniel moved from behind to block his view of the group.

“Lie for you?” Daniel offered. 

Alexei nodded, his breaths growing shorter and more ragged.

“So I was right?” Daniel asked. “You’re not fine. What’s wrong with you?”

Alexei flashed a scorching glare his partner’s way, but found that Daniel was looking down at him with an unexpectedly earnest expression.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” Alexei huffed, stumbling forward a bit as he wrangled another breath into his lungs.

Daniel reached out a hand to catch him, pulling the guide’s forehead against his shoulder to steady him. “Just breathe when I breathe, okay?”

       The two men were only an inch or two apart in height, and as Daniel pressed Alexei's forehead to his shoulder, their faces came within a finger's width of touching. Alexei jerked his head and was startled to find that the man's neck was surprisingly warm compared to the rest of his body. His hands and arms bore an unmistakable chill, but his neck— his neck radiated a soft warmth like when one props up their feet around a bonfire on a winter's night. A persistent warmth that makes the surrounding frost bearable, or at times, even pleasantly comfortable.

"Stop touching me!” Alexei whispered gruffly. He reached out with both hands to push Daniel away, stumbling back a few steps, legs trembling. 

Daniel caught him again, holding him upright. “I’m not touching you. I’m keeping you from falling. It’s different.”

Alexei glared at him. What Daniel was saying was true, of course, but there was something so different about the way it felt to be touched by him. It wasn’t like when Felix touched him, soft and warm and sincere. When Daniel touched him, it made his insides squirm and it left cold shivers across his skin for hours. He hated it.

Daniel whispered to him again, “Do you want your first impression to be made from the floor? What’s the worst that could come from just doing as I say? Everyone thinks we get along? Isn’t that better than them thinking something’s wrong with you?”

The panic in Alexei’s chest rattled his ribs and left his lips dry from panting. He felt very sure that there was indeed something wrong with him for even considering Daniel’s offer, but rather than totally embarrass himself, he did as he was told, letting his forehead drop against the esper’s firm shoulder. 

Daniel’s hand landed softly between Alexei’s shoulder blades, cold to the touch, and moving in slow, concentric circles. The chill took Alexei by surprise, just as it always did, forcing him to suck in a massive breath. The darkness clouding the edges of his vision eased slightly. 

“Just breathe when I breathe,” Daniel said again. “There is nothing here that can hurt you.”

Alexei felt his breaths begin to stabilize, the icy hand at his back distracting him from the panic and keeping him alert. He’d tried ice before for his attacks, dunking his face in a bowl of ice water, but it hadn’t yielded anywhere near the same results. Why did it have to be his hand though? Couldn’t it have been anything or anyone else? 

“The cold,” he mumbled, forehead still pressed to Daniel’s shoulder.

"Is it helping?” Daniel asked, his hand still moving in an easy circle.

Against his better judgement, Alexei answered truthfully. 

       “Yes,” he replied. “But don't think I'm about to be in your debt, so consider this paying me back for your guiding.”

       Daniel chuckled, “and if you need my services again?”

       "I won't," Alexei replied hastily. “It’s nothing more than first day jitters.”