I opened my eyes.
I was surrounded by darkness.
I couldn’t move.
I tried to look around me…
“What the… chains…?”

My wrists and ankles were tied.
I was levitating under an empty blackness.

“Where am I?”

Slowly, I saw a shadow appear.
How could I even see a shadow in total darkness?
Without any light?
I didn’t understand.

The shadow slowly shifted into the shape of a person — long black hair, shiny red eyes… and wings.
An angel?
No, the wings were black.

Despite the darkness, I could clearly see that… person?
She smiled… but in a frightening way.

With a sharp and unsettling voice, she said:

“Hey, stranger! Happy death to you!”

Dead?
Me?
No…!

A flashback hit me, and I remembered what happened.
Tears welled up uncontrollably.

“Oh great… here we go again. She’s gonna cry endlessly and talk about her… whatever life…” muttered the fake angel.

“I… I’ll never know how my mangas end…” I said, crying.

“What?” she replied, bewildered.

“No more shōjo-ai.… stuck in hell…” I continued, in a blasé tone.

“Don’t act like I’m not here!” she protested.

I stared at her silently.
She stared back.

“Okay, so. I’m in hell. And what? Am I going to experience horrible stuff forever?” I asked, still jaded.

A deathly silence followed.
She observed me for a long moment, then resumed speaking in a calm tone.

“My name is Ar-ek. I am what your people call a fallen angel.”

“Hmm… fake angel. I was right.”

“Shut up!” she screamed like a fury before regaining her composure.

“You don’t look like it, but you accomplished a lot of good actions while you were alive. And despite being antisocial and agoraphobic, you didn’t do anything bad…”

She continued:

“So, I grant you one wish.”

“A… wish…?”

“Yes. A wish. A desire. Call it whatever you want. Something I can grant. But be careful what you ask for — you only get one chance.”

“Is there a trap?”

“It depends on how you wish for it.”

“Hmm…”

I started thinking.
A long silence settled.

“I wish…”

“I would like to live inside shōjo-ai, eternally.”

She said nothing, only stared at me with a unimpressed look, like my request was stupid.

I stared back, silently.
Does she not understand, or what…?

“That means…?”

“I just want to watch people live their shōjo-ai life, like in my books. Is it difficult?”

“Not difficult to fulfill your wish… but maybe difficult for YOU to live with.”

“I don’t understand. I just want to feel that emotion.”

“Are you sure? You won’t be able to touch people. All your senses except sight and hearing will be deactivated. You’ll be like a free spirit, only capable of observing. Sleep, hunger — everything will disappear. You will no longer smell or touch anything. Do you understand?”

“Will I be able to feel that love by proxy?”

“In your own way, yes.”

“So… I want that.”

“Fine,” she said in a resigned tone, before adding:

“You’ll be a spirit. You will wander from world to world, in an eternal quest for shōjo-ai. Have a good new life.”

She closed her eyes.
A red light shone, blinding me.

I closed mine too.
And when I opened them again…

I blinked awake.
“Water… Am I… underwater? …Oh fu*k!”

When I realized I was actually submerged, I started to panic.
For the record, I’ve always been terrified of water. Really, really terrified.

But I quickly noticed I could breathe.
Stupid… of course I could — I was a spirit.
It felt almost like being in a dream.

— Well, okay. Water time. And so what? —

I looked around, and when I saw it… I understood.

A little girl was drowning, and another, taller girl was saving her.
I remembered the first yuri anime I had ever watched. Genre: drama.
Just thinking about it made me tear up.

And that was the beginning of my reincarnation cycle…