One month. 

One month since I've been here. Since I lost my parents. My home. Everything I knew. For one month I've been living here, on this strange planet, among strange people, among strange species. Elves. Dwarves. Orcs. Things I'd only seen in movies or games my whole life.

It's crazy how quickly people adapt. How quickly you get used to a new environment, to new routines. But it's also crazy how little some things change. Even though I was transported to a damn other world, even though I was given the chance to do something new, I'm still the same. The loser. The outsider. The one nobody likes.

After that thing with Antoine, everything changed. Not immediately, but slowly. He spread rumors. I don't know exactly what he said, but it worked. People believe him. They look at me differently. Some ignore me completely. Some whisper when I walk by.

Shit. How can it be that because of such a stupid situation back then, everything escalated like this. I did nothing wrong. I didn't attack anyone, didn't embarrass anyone, didn't betray anyone. It was an argument, yes, but no reason why it had to become something that's slowly taking away all my social air here.

And yet that's exactly what was enough. Not because I was in the wrong, but because Antoine stands higher in the hierarchy than me. Because his opinion counts more. If he doesn't like me, then it's easier for many others not to like me either. Not out of conviction, but out of convenience.

People are no better than animals. They organize themselves, they follow those who seem stronger, are louder, appear more confident. And someone like me stays at the bottom, even when doing everything right. It's enough for someone at the top to decide you should be at the bottom. After that, everything runs on its own.

It's normal that people in a situation where everything is hard and everyone is at their limit need some kind of compensation. Something they can momentarily elevate themselves with. Something that gives them the feeling for a moment that they're not at the very bottom. Someone who's worse off than them, so they don't feel like they're the weakest ones themselves.

I understand that. I even understand why it happens. I just don't understand why it always has to be me.

Squad Seven isn't as open as at the beginning. They're not mean. They don't hit me. They let me work. They let me come along. But they don't stand close to me in public places anymore. They talk quieter. They talk faster when others are nearby.

Daisuke has stayed the way he was. He talks a lot, pulls me along, tries to get me out of my head, even when he doesn't always notice when I really can't.

Nikita is the same. He evaluates performance and behavior, not rumors.

Cealith too. He says little, but he sees everything, and when people stare too long, sometimes just his look is enough.

Carmen seems normal too. She smiles, talks to me, doesn't treat me worse.

Amina is the only one who's really gone. She ignores me like I'm air. New friends, new clique, and when I come near her, she turns away. I tried to talk to her once. She acted like she hadn't heard anything.

It's not the worst thing that can happen to me. I won't die from it. But it drains energy. It makes my head tired.

And the world around us is becoming different too. The forest has changed. Leaves lie everywhere. Many are no longer green. The ground stays wet longer. The air is colder more often. The rain comes more frequently. The days feel shorter, though I'm not sure if it really is.

Some in camp speculate that it's autumn now. It looks like this planet has seasons too.

We still know little about this place. Everything is new. There are new animals, new plants. We have a camp that gets better every day. But we have no answers.

The ruin today wasn't an answer. It was just a new question.

We brought the deer to the butchering unit, left it there and then went straight to Basha's hut. Inside it was warm. Lydia stood next to Basha, both had maps spread out on the table. Squad 3 was also there, three people, two humans and an elf woman. Cealith was among them. He saw me and waved quickly. I nodded back but said nothing.

People stood in front of the hut. Squad Three was there. They were just reporting. I saw Cealith immediately. He stood next to a human who had a list in his hand. Two others from Squad Three glanced at me quickly and away again. An elf woman whispered something to a boy. He grinned for a second. Then he acted like nothing happened.

We waited. The three from Squad 3 looked over at me. The elf woman whispered something in the other two's ears, and all three laughed quietly. My stomach contracted. I looked at the ground, clenched my hands into fists, breathed slowly in and out.

"Good," Basha finally said. Squad 3 nodded and went out.

We stepped forward. Old Ben explained everything. The ruin, the columns, the hole in the middle. Basha listened, said nothing, but her eyes got bigger. When Old Ben finished, she leaned back and rubbed her face.

"This has top priority," she said. "Tomorrow morning, with full equipment. I want you to go with Squad 1."

My heart dropped into my stomach. Squad 1. Antoine. Shit.

"Alone it could be too dangerous," Basha continued. "We don't know what could be down there. Squad 1 is our strongest unit, they should secure you."

I felt dizzy. My hands trembled. I tried to breathe calmly, but it didn't work.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning. With them. With him.

Shit. Shit. Why?

Basha said something else, but I wasn't listening anymore. I just nodded, turned around and went out before anyone could say anything.

I didn't go back to my hut. Instead I walked to the river, there where Squad 7 normally has its station. It was quiet. The rain had stopped, but everything was still wet. I sat on a stone by the shore, stared into the water. The current was weak, the water dark.

I trained here often. At night, when everyone was sleeping. I wanted to become stronger. I didn't want to be weak anymore. But no matter how much I trained, it never felt like enough.

"So a new ruin was discovered."

I turned around. Cealith stood behind me, hands in his pockets.

"Can I sit down?" he asked.

I nodded. He sat down next to me on the ground, legs crossed.

"I've seen you here often lately," he said. "You always train here, right?"

I shrugged.

"Pretty crazy that a new ruin was found," he continued. "For the people here, this is the first find. They don't know that we already found one."

I said nothing.

Cealith looked at the water, then back at me.

"I see that you've been struggling with the rumors lately."

I breathed in sharply, tried to change the subject. "It's okay. It's not that important."

"Do you remember," Cealith said, ignoring my deflection, "a month ago, when we had a small camp together? With Nikita, Daisuke, Carmen and Amina?"

I smiled slightly. "Yeah. That was cool."

"Do you remember when I got beaten up by those elves?"

My smile faded. "Yeah. That was less cool."

Cealith looked at the water. A few leaves fell from the trees, landed on the surface and drifted slowly away.

"I've actually wanted to ask you for a while," I said quietly. "Why were you beaten up anyway?"

Cealith was silent for a moment. Then he breathed out, leaned back and looked at the sky.

"Okay," he said. "I'll tell you now why I have no elven friends here. Why I'm hated by elves."