The drive back was less enthusiastic, with Nevaeah asleep—having conked out long before anyone else from her food coma, the liveliness that lifted the mood earlier was replaced by a subtle tension.

Andrew wasn’t a very big conversationalist, and Julien simply wasn’t in the mood to talk. His mind too busy planning his next move.

He had effectively failed at getting rid of his new guard dog, but on the bright side: He no longer needed to worry about his capstone internship.

Small victories right?

But that only meant his family would effectively stop at nothing to prevent him from receiving any other offers.

Knowing that just as he was meant to perform research at the lab, his family would have him under their own microscope, scrutinizing his every move, and expecting nothing less than absolute perfection was enough to stifle him even at this distance.

Of course, even perfection wasn’t enough for them.

Julien glanced at Andrew through the window’s reflection. Furrowing his brows, he thought.

Can he be trusted?

Trust may’ve been a bit of a strong word, but how he acted around him, how he planned around him, and the questions he could ask him would change based on the answer.

And the biggest factor influencing that answer was the who behind Andrew.

His sister, he could accept to a certain extent, and while there were certain sides of him he’d rather not let her know about, he trusted her enough to think she would at least respect that and not have Andrew report on it—should Julien let his guard slip a bit. 

Even if she was a complete wackjob.

On top of that, if he was going to be in one of his family's labs, no, even before that, if he was expected back home without Theia around to keep them in check, Andrew would be an almost ‘reassuring’ presence—as much as he wouldn’t want to admit it.

The only issue with that was that he wasn’t exactly comfortable with being seen so…

Vulnerable. 

However, if Andrew wasn’t actually under his sister’s control—but an eye planted amongst the other candidates by his family to bypass the blockades Theia had in place—

The thought alone was enough to make his skin crawl.

He doubted that was the case, but he could never be too careful, and Christmas would be as good a time as any to put at least that paranoia to rest. 

The van rolled to a stop in front of Nevaeah’s dorm building with a soft hum, breaking Julien out of his reverie. He shifted and lightly shook his sleeping friend, causing her to abruptly open her eyes like a corpse in a horror movie.

“Huh?”

Wiping her face she looked around.

“Ah, we’re here.”

Nevaeah slowly crawled out and yawned.

“Goodnight, *yawn*Goodnight y’all.”

Julien used his flashlight to check if she’d missed anything before giving her a small smile, his brows slightly tense.

“Goodnight Nevaeah, text me when you get inside ok?”

She nodded groggily and the door slid shut, secluding him with Andrew once more.

As he watched her disappear into the building, he regretted not talking to her more tonight, but at the same time, he thought that maybe it was better he was uncomfortable. He couldn’t always use her as a crutch, and it kept him sharp enough to ask questions at least.

Though he was slowly losing the willpower to do even that.

Her message simply saying ‘safe’ came through on his phone, and he nodded at Andrew to start moving again.

Julien watched him put the van into gear, but he didn’t turn back towards the window this time.

He was hyping himself up.

There was still something he thought he could get an answer to before he gave up to let things play out on their own.

Though he doubted he’d ever get to confirm what he was being protected from until it jumped out and literally bit him in the ass, he figured he could get at least a hint.

But he wasn’t in a rush to ask.

Now that his fate was sealed, he had all the time in the world to learn what he needed to anyway, or make it out the other side unharmed and none-wiser.

So he started with something small.

“What were you doing before this?”

Andrew glanced at him through the rearview mirror.

“Security, for a friend.”

He paused.

“Not far from Mrs Michael’s, there’s a club.”

So he was a bouncer.

“Before that?”

“Casino.”

“Before that?”

Andrew didn’t respond for a while.

“…Military.”

Julien raised a brow, but he wasn’t surprised. More confused about the hesitation.

Is it not something to be proud of?

Julien shoved the thought to the back of his mind.

Since the Q&A shop wasn’t down after the first round, he wanted to see if he could get some clarity on one other thing that’d been bothering him from the jump.

“What do you know about me Andrew?”

Andrew waited until they were in the parking garage of his apartment complex before turning to face him completely, looking him in the eye as if trying to figure out what Julien was thinking as well.

It was a bit uncomfortable, to be under that penetrating gaze, but Julien endured the scrutiny and waited for his response.

Finally, the man spoke.

“Why do you ask?”

Julien shrugged.

“Just curious.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. And for a moment, Julien thought he wouldn’t say anything at all. But as soon as they were back in Julien’s apartment and the pup was released back into the wild, Andrew loosened his stiff vocal cords.

“Your name is Julien Amand Rubane, roughly 1.83 m tall, reddish hair, pale blue eyes—”

He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a small booklet with several pictures lining its interior.

“This is the picture she gave me.”

He glanced at Julien then added.

“It’s a bit, outdated.”

Julien looked at the photo.

Is that my graduation photo?

Julien touched his eyes and frowned. Flipping the photo over, he pushed it away.

“Not my bios, what did she tell you about me?”

Andrew looked him in the eye again.

“Not a lot.”

Julien was starting to get annoyed, but he tamped down his frustrations. He was beginning to recognize a pattern with the long pauses Andrew took to respond to him—the longer the man took, the more he had to say.

No matter how frustrating it was that he had to wait.

Andrew put the picture away and tilted his head, as if thinking.

“You like flowers, you don’t have many friends…”

Julien frowned.

Andrew looked away.

“...You shouldn’t, need a lot of protection.”

Julien didn’t miss his hesitation.

Is he lying, or was that some shitty form of reassurance?

More than that though, he was surprised.

At least now we’re getting somewhere.

“What else?”

The man stared at him again but Julien turned away, unable to take the staring anymore.

“No alcohol.”

Julien’s eyelid twitched.

“...Did she say why?”

Andrew looked away.

“No.”

Julien felt like that was a lie too.

His heart skipped a beat, and he shifted uncomfortably.

“And there was nothing else? What do I have to look out for exactly?”

Andrew turned back and stared at him, his jaw tightening ever so slightly. But Julien was no longer looking at him.

“There was nothing else.”

He paused, looking off to the side and furrowing a brow.

“You…don't need to look out for anything.”

But you do?

Julien waited anxiously for the man to continue, but he didn’t. Andrew simply disappeared into the study, leaving the door cracked and Julien alone. 

He breathed out.

That was more than I was hoping for at least.

Yet simultaneously, still not enough.

Julien looked at the double doors, listening out for the telltale signs of movement before heading to his room.

—

The next half a month could be described in one word: hectic.

Time passed by in a blur, with Julien deciding to take things one step at a time, starting with his finals.

Nevaeah was a common staple in his place during this period, and it kept Julien from feeling awkward with the new company, especially since ignoring the guy all the time was stressful to his nerves.

It was frankly, a terrible environment to study in, but the good thing was that Andrew knew how to stay out of the way. He merely brought them refreshments here and there like some oversized housemaid and ensured that the puppy yet-to-be-named remained busy as well.

Julien still wasn’t sure if that was part of the job description or if he just liked doing it.

Andrew would brew chamomile late at night and herbal teas in the morning, leaving it on the counter back when the study was still occupied, and on his desk when the spare corner room was finally cleared out.

Julien was at least mildly thankful for it, if not a little confused.

It might’ve just been a habit. 

And even though Julien was slowly and reluctantly growing accustomed to Andrew's presence as a result—maybe even, in some tiny, secluded, drowned out part of him, he was even enjoying the company. He was simultaneously feeling increasingly bothered by… something.

With finals taking up a majority of his brainspace though, he chalked it up to the unfamiliarity and left it at that.

Speaking of unfamiliar things, Professor Vale made his triumphant return, causing the students to breathe a collective sigh of relief knowing they no longer had to put up with that other professor’s incessant rambling.

But somehow, even he was low on the energy scale, seeming almost as worn down as the students. The soft scent of cinnamon hanging off his sleeves became tainted by a faint burnt smell, like pies left in the oven for far too long.

That unfamiliar sight knocked Julien off for the rest of the layup period, but soon, even that passed and finals were finally over. Leaving him with some much needed—almost—alone time.

And, as obligated, Julien celebrated by visiting another plant exhibition, causing his collection to grow quite literally in two senses.

He took a deep breath.

Freedom.

Unfortunately, that feeling was as short-lived as a mayfly, because with the end of the busy period, his nightmares came back in full force, more unrelenting and utterly exhausting than before. Like the dam of busyness that he’d built up was overwhelmed by a sudden flood after a calm storm. 

It didn’t help that he couldn’t shake the tension effectively with someone else around. And so, his exhaustion rapidly built and built, folding over into an unreleased irritation that he compressed, and sieved into a secluded corner of his mind as best he could.

His prior unease was also growing as the days silently ticked by.

It took root in the pit of his stomach as though he’d eaten the rot in a spoiled milk carton and it slowly tumbled and churned with the acidic pit in a sickening melody.

But there was no time to dwell, for the day had come for him to go home.

—

Julien woke up that morning in a fit. Coughing and hyperventilating as though he’d just climbed ashore after his ship was torn asunder, drowning him at sea.

He clutched the blanket tighter around his trembling form as if it would serve any relief for his aching body, and used it to wipe the sweat off his brow.

He felt cold, so so cold.

This one was different.

He wasn’t sure how, or why, but he knew it was, he could feel it as deep in his bones as the marrow and as clearly as the chime of silver bells, ringing in eerie warning.

Julien looked to his bedside, it wasn’t anywhere close to 10 yet, but he couldn’t wait that long.

He took one of his slow release tablets dry and clutched his throbbing head, waiting for the effects to kick in and for the recoil of his nightmare to subside.

Something terrible, something terrible is going to happen.

But what?

Julien rushed downstairs. Forgoing his slippers, he swung open the door to the guest room and shook as he glared at the bed, his chest still heaving in a strained, erratic breathing.

Andrew squinted in his direction at the sudden intrusion but quickly shifted to stand up, alarmed by the panicked expression on Julien’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

Andrew looked around the apartment and held onto Julien’s shoulder. Seeing the coast was clear, he crouched down, bringing Julien down with him. He scrutinized Julien’s frazzled appearance and asked again, softer this time.

“What’s wrong?”

Julien didn’t respond, just kept staring at Andrew’s face. Julien's eyes were red, his brows furrowed and his lips quivering. He may've been looking right at Andrew, but it was as though he was looking at a ghost.

Andrew, unsure of what to do, stiffly wrapped Julien into a hug and patted his back soothingly. Julien listened to the rhythmic beating of his heart.

One beat, two beats, four.

He’s alive.

Julien felt a rush of relief, causing the tension to seep out of his body and the adrenaline to fade to a quiet murmur. That relief was very quickly replaced by exhaustion and confusion.

What am I doing?

Julien pushed Andrew away and stood up.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

He backed away.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

Julien practically ran for the stairs like a bat out of hell. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, so he locked himself in the greenhouse and took several deep breaths.

Why did I do that?

Even though he was much calmer now, the beating of his heart wouldn’t slow, and the anxiety plaguing his mind wouldn’t fade, only relegated to his subconscious as the tablet slowly began to take effect.

It’s not my first time going back, is it because I’m taking someone with me? Then why..?

Julien looked at his scarred palms, an illusion of red coloring their rough surface.

Why did he need to know if he was alive?