Julien closed the car door behind him and waited impatiently for the vehicle to take off. But even after a minute had passed, then two, they didn’t move.

“Hurry up.”

He couldn’t be here for even a second longer.

Andrew stared at him for a while, as if itching to say something. But he held his tongue and slowly pulled off. The castle grew smaller and smaller until it was no more than a memory.

Julien couldn’t relax, and it wasn’t long before Andrew finally said what was on his mind.

“Are you, okay?”

So you couldn’t stay quiet after all.

“Just drive.”

Julien bounced his foot impatiently.

He wasn’t trying to be rude, but if he could just get one second to himself—

“Would you cut that out?”

Andrew kept glancing at him, and it was really starting to grate on Julien’s nerves.

I should’ve sat in the back.

Andrew furrowed a brow, but in the end, he didn’t look at him again. Julien closed his eyes, trying to ignore the man beside him.

It wasn’t working.

Damnit.

He felt jittery, high strung, and more than that, he was angry.

Damnit.

No matter how many times he went there, he could never get used to it, no, he thought he had.

Julien covered his eyes with his hands, preventing himself from acknowledging the other in the van. He felt… Julien wasn’t sure. He was angry, he was resentful, but there was another feeling swelling within him, like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

A feeling of being observed.

Julien blinked his eyes open when the van stopped, looking out the window, he saw their gate blink shut behind them as their vehicle warped to the next Monico center.

Julien took a deep breath.

It didn’t do much, but at least they were closer to home.

Julien paused.

He didn’t want to go home.

He hesitated, watching familiar scenery pass by as they made their way towards the circular line. Then again as their vehicle docked within one of the vehicular freights of the CAE.

Julien picked at his thumb.

They were 3 stops away from home.

At two stops his heart rate began to speed up.

At one stop his palms began to sweat.

Then the train began moving again, and the next stop was their own.

I can’t do this.

“Take me somewhere else. Please.”

Andrew licked his canines uncomfortably, hesitantly, he said.

“...I, don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Julien scoffed.

“Since when do you have opinions?”

Shut up Julien.

Andrew visibly frowned and looked in his direction.

Julien ran a hand through his hair.

He needed out.

“Shit, no. Just, anywhere else.”

The train stopped and once the van detached from the freight, Andrew put the van back into drive. Soon enough, they were on the backroads, tracing the edges of the forest. It was the way back home.

But he didn’t want to go back.

“Fucking hell, will you listen to me?”

Andrew glanced at him, furrowed his brow, glanced at him again and finally spoke.

“...Where?”

“It doesn’t matter where, just stop!”

Andrew tapped the steering wheel with his right index finger, and pulled over to the side of the road, putting the hazards on, he looked at Julien again.

“Are you, okay?”

“I’m just fine, just—”

Julien unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door.

Andrew grabbed his arm, preventing him from going any further.

Frustrated, Julien tried to yank his arm away, but Andrew’s hold was firm.

“Andrew, let go.”

“... This, isn’t a good place.”

Julien pressed his lips together into a derisive smile.

“A good place? I don’t fucking care, I said let go.”

“Calm—”

“I’m calm. I’m as calm as can be, so as I’ve said a dozen fucking times Andrew, let me the fuck go.”

He laughed self-deprecatingly.

“Or what? I’m not gonna run out into the road Andrew, I’m not a fucking 12 year old.

Andrew loosened his grip.

“I never—”

Using the opportunity, Julien yanked his arm free.

“Never what? Don’t say you’ve never looked down on me Andrew. You’re doing it right now, aren’t you? Stop fucking looking at me!”

Julien stepped out of the vehicle and started walking in the opposite direction, clutching his eyes shut and gritting his teeth.

Damnit.

Andrew quietly stepped out of the vehicle. Grabbing Julien’s arm again, he shook his head and prevented Julien from going any further.

Julien shot Andrew a piercing look.

“What the hell are you good for if you can’t even listen to the most basic of instructions? I said let me the fuck go! Or what? I’m not the one paying you to listen to whatever the fuck I have to say so it doesn’t matter what I think does it?”

Andrew remained unmoved, glaring at Julien with chilling ferocity.

“Get back in the car Julien."

That quiet, that calm, Julien wanted to wipe that look off his face so fucking bad.

“I knew it.”

Andrew tugged on Julien’s arm, pulling him back towards the car. 

“What do you want me to say?”

Julien dug his heels in, but it did nothing to stop his movement.

“I want you to admit it”

Andrew kept silent for a while, his eyes facing straight ahead.

“…There’s nothing to admit.”

“Don’t play dumb with me Andrew, what else are you here for then?”

Julien struggled to break free.

“You don’t care what I have to say at all do you? You’re just my sister’s little bitch and now here we are! Are you, or are you not coddling me, ignoring me, treating me like a fucking child!”

Julien laughed as Andrew released his arm. They were beside the van again.

“You, all of you just care about your fucking selves, but oh, oh poor Jules right? He can’t take care of anything himself because he’s just a pitiful little cockroach right? So what, you all take turns acting as though I can’t see what you’re doing, you self serving little—”

He slammed his fist on the side of the vehicle, causing it to rock slightly.

“That’s not even the most frustrating thing! You all treat me like I’m a fucking 2 year old and won’t tell me shit! I know nothing, but you, you people get to know every fucking thing about little ‘ol me right?”

He glared at Andrew.

“I don’t know shit, no one will tell me shit, and yet, I’m just supposed to accept that I’m stuck with you? WHY? I’ve been trying, you know, trying to ignore you, trying to pretend like you know nothing about me when I KNOW YOU DO.”

Julien circled the vehicle.

“It’s driving me fucking nuts and I’m sick of pretending like I’m comfortable when I’m not.”

He climbed into the driver's seat, but when he went to shut the door, Andrew grabbed hold of it.

“And you, you just keep—”

Andrew didn’t say anything, but his eyes burned with silent fury.

Julien shivered, but he was more angry than unnerved. Unperturbed, he continued to prod at Andrew, leaning closer until they were face to face

“Go on then, you have yet to deny it anyway. Why keep it to yourself? Or what? You think that’d be enough to shatter me into tiny little pieces? Please, with the shitty month I've been having, you’d be lucky if there were any pieces left at all.”

Andrew frowned.

“...Are you done?”

That made Julien livid.

“Am I done? Yeah, you know what, I am.”

Julien sat back down and put the car in drive, not caring to readjust the seat to his level. He pulled on the door to close it, but Andrew just stared at him. Unmoving, the man sighed.

Julien scoffed, letting go of the handle.

“Can’t even trust me to drive a car by myself? It’s not like I’m gonna kill myself. Oh, why don’t you tell that to my sister? See how she treats you when she hears I'm getting worse under your oh-so-diligent care.”

Julien pulled on the handle again, and this time, Andrew let it go.

“Take a fucking hike Andrew. And while you’re at it, go fuck yourself.”

Not paying any attention to whether he ran over Andrew's feet or not, he sped off, leaving Andrew behind.

—

Andrew stared into the distance, in the direction of where Julien drove off, the sight of the vehicle long gone from view.

What a frustrating little–

He inhaled, letting the chilly wind caress his lungs and cool over his boiling frustration.

Andrew almost didn’t care what happened to him at this point.

Almost.

“¿Qué estoy haciendo mal? (What am I doing wrong?)”

Andrew ran his hands down his face, joining them together to cover his mouth with his hands. He stared at the starry night sky.

So what if he knew more than Julien did? So what if he was a little selfish in how he approached caring for him? So what if…

He looked in Julien’s direction again.

Maybe… maybe my approach was wrong from the start.

He felt for him, he did, but he was human too, and there was only so much he could do when he wouldn’t tell him anything, and only so much he could take before—

Andrew paused.

I’m such a hypocrite.

Sighing he pulled out his lighter and flicked it open, watching the flames dance in the wind. There were a lot of things he swore off of when his sister died, but he couldn’t help but crave a cigarette right about now.

He knew Julien was just feeling… frustrated, angry, repressed, maybe even a little resentful.

He didn’t blame Julien for his outburst, if anything, he felt he had been negligent, and now, here he was, alone. His charge god knows where with a car and enough anger to fill 1000 shopping carts.

More than that, Julien seemed… scared.

Andrew knew there had to have been a way to avoid this. He could’ve said more to him, he could’ve assured him, somehow, that he wasn’t out to get him, and he knew that sometimes he was treating Julien like a child, and he shouldn’t ‘ve.

For one fleeting, reprehensible moment, Andrew wondered if he’d be better off if Julien never came back.

The thought made him sick.

‘No.’ 

He muttered, like saying it aloud could grind the vile feeling into the dirt.

I need to apologize.

He had failed him enough already, and he wouldn’t let misguided thoughts get in the way of doing better.

Not for himself, but for Julien.

Andrew started moving.

It was going to take forever to make it back to the city by foot, but with no sign of Julien, he didn’t really have much of a choice. He hoped to at least make it to a motel before daybreak, or even just a bench to sit down and contemplate his life choices.

Either way, he started moving.

He absentmindedly flicked his lighter open and closed, open and closed several times, letting the heat of the flame and the click of the latch aid in keeping his mind steady.  

Phew.

As Andrew walked along the forest's edge absorbed in his thoughts, a rustle came from within the pitch black canopy. Quiet and unnoticeable, it stalked closer to the unassuming human.

—

Julien was parked at a nearby park, not far at all from where he’d left Andrew—alone, on the side of the road, and in the dead of night to boot. He had no intention of leaving him for long, though he had no idea how long he’d been sitting there either. And while it wasn’t cold, Julien already felt bad enough driving off without him.

Not just bad, he felt horrible.

I didn’t mean to do that, I didn’t want to do that.

I was just, just—

Julien finally had a word for what he was feeling, especially now that it was at the forefront, fresh and ripe.

It was shame.

He slammed his head onto the horn.

I shouldn’t have done that.

He lifted his head and took a deep breath.

I need to go back.