Read Coin Rush - Series 3 :: Episode 3 - The Hair Game

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INT. HOTEL PIZZA - DAY

TIFFANY: (reading a magazine, sees an ad) "Bad Hair? We got you covered!"

(Mr. Birchum stands behind her.)

MR. BIRCHUM: (serious) Sorry for disturbing. In science they say disturbance results in good listening. Which I believe is true.

TIFFANY: (confused) Which science teacher said that?

MR. BIRCHUM: Myself. Probably. clears throat Anyways, you've got more homework. Square roots, division, circumference, and a pie chart you need to answer. If you don't complete before 7pm, well you're dead like your sister.

TIFFANY: Um..can I do it later? I've got something to attend t-

MR. BIRCHUM: (forced laughter) NO! If you move, I'm gonna spank you.

(Silence. Beat.)

TIFFANY: (gulps) Okay...then. Thank you for the work....birchy.

MR. BIRCHUM: (serious, then screams) A COCKROACH!

TIFFANY: (confused) Huh?

MR. BIRCHUM: (serious, walking away) Nothing, do your work.

(Rita whispers from a flower pot.)

RITA: (whispers) Psst, Come over here sis!

TIFFANY: Rita?! Why are you hiding in there?

RITA: (jaw clenched) Let's just address the elephant in the room.

(A big elephant is in the room.)

ELEPHANT: I have to pay my taxes, girl.

(Tiffany walks over.)

RITA: Alright, sis. You have to obey my orders because we have to find a way to skip this math homework. And the only thing to do is to escape. But, according to ChatGPT, escaping results in more damage.

TIFFANY: (confused) You started using ChatGPT now?

(Beat.)

RITA: (shouting) Well do you have a better plan, genius?! Your mouse-house hair won't make it, either!

TIFFANY: (angry) How dare you insult my hair! Do you know how much simps pay for it?!

RITA: It's not about the simps, you idiot! It's about how people perceive you, your looks, your attraction, your hair...your-. Let me not go too far. Just..I have something better to give you. Follow me.

TIFFANY: (thinking) Your advice is so...cringe.

RITA: That describes high-school, indeed.

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INT. LIBRARY - DAY

FIRESLAYER: (proud) Welcome to the library, lil' drunk-knight. It's the most quietest, boring, dumbest, but enjoyable place of all time. Think about it, you're reading sci-fi and imagining it in your head, and you wanna know how it's done? Because of whispering Silence.

(Silence. Beat. Sir Drunkalot whacks books with a golf club.)

SIR DRUNKALOT: Wow, I never knew playing book golf was so satisfying. Thanks, Fireslayer. Let's go grab a beer!

FIRESLAYER: No, No, No...Drunkalot. We're not playing golf! We're here to read books, not to start causing violence in the shelf.

SIR DRUNKALOT: B-B-But you said-

FIRESLAYER: We had a hangover last night for Christ's sake!

(Fireslayer breaks the golf club.)

Here's the thing,grab a book, sit down, and shut up.

SIR DRUNKALOT: We're here to shut up, not to read books? Yeah, that's what I thought.

FIRESLAYER: That's what you thought! Because you're in a complete wasted mindset.

SIR DRUNKALOT: (slurring) I thought I heard ice cream dropping on my head.

FIRESLAYER: (sigh) Listen, just get a book and read. Simple as that.

(Grabs a book.)

Or maybe you don't know how I used to love reading as a kid.I'll show ya by reading this book called ''The Ancient Temple.''

SIR DRUNKALOT: (whistles) Fiction. Visual, cartoon, un-believable. I was talking to a person.

(Beat.)

FIRESLAYER: (sigh) This is gonna take 20 years isn't it?

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INT. HOTEL PIZZA RITA'S ROOM - DAY

(Rita searches frantically through her shelves.)

TIFFANY: Aw, Rita. I know you care, but if you're gonna take hours looking for a wig, then you might as well quit it.

RITA: I need to find the perfect wig! It's also a disguise for Mr. Birchum. And say, that name sounds like that terrible TV show. Screw it.

(Finds a wig.)

RITA: A-ha! Found it!

(holds a red wig with a star)

Try it on,Tiff.

TIFFANY: Alright.

(Tiffany puts on the wig and looks in the mirror.)

TIFFANY: Wow...How do I look?

RITA: You look way better. Last time you looked like Mickey Mouse.

TIFFANY: (chuckles) Yeah. I guess it will take time getting used to.

RITA: Yep. But let's try to find ways to complete our math homework without actually doing it.

TIFFANY: I don't know how. Maybe ask ChatGPT?

RITA: (scoffs) Really? After you judged me for it?

TIFFANY: Well...I'm hypocritical sometimes.

RITA: Finally you said a flaw of your own. But yes, let's try cheating like other universities do. Boy, this is gonna be fun!

(They cheer and dance. The elephant walks in.)

ELEPHANT: I got bullied on Social Media for making elephant noises.

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INT. LIBRARY - DAY

(Sir Drunkalot drums noisily. Fireslayer's eye twitches.)

FIRESLAYER: (shouting) OH FOR THE LOVE OF-- SHUT UP!

SIR DRUNKALOT: (stops drumming) Louder.

(The Librarian shushes them and puts up a "NO NOISE" sign.)

FIRESLAYER: (whispering, clenching his book) Sir Drunkalot...I'm gonna end your life when this is over.

SIR DRUNKALOT: (astonished) That's cool. So the librarian is not just some old young woman? That's great.

FIRESLAYER: (whispering) Lower your voice down, pipsqueak!

SIR DRUNKALOT: (loud) No, thank you!

(The Librarian shushes him.)

SIR DRUNKALOT: Oh, it just gets better. (shouting) I have an appointment at Taco Bell tonight!

(The Librarian shushes him again.)

FIRESLAYER: (whispering) Drunkalot...You're skating on thin ice...

SIR DRUNKALOT: (shouting) Hey librarian, you're so old! Where's your momma?! Dead?!

(The Librarian throws a book at him.)

SIR DRUNKALOT: My knight-y balls!

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INT. HOTEL PIZZA - DAY

CHEESY: (to a bowl of spaghetti) As I said, you are beautiful. Man, I wish I can write fanfics of you on Wattpad.

(Silence.)

And do you have a job?Because I can screw you over tonight.

(raises eyebrows, clicks his teeth; his teeth fall out)

Ah,crap.

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INT. HOTEL PIZZA RITA'S ROOM - DAY

RITA: And, what's the answer on number 6?

TIFFANY: Well, it's actually 49 according to Chat.

RITA: (writing) You know, I've been thinking about this recently. Does A.I have feelings?

TIFFANY: No it doesn't, silly. It's a machine programmed to mimic human behaviour. If it has ever did that, then it just tries to please you.

RITA: (scoffs) A.I has feelings, Tiff. You just- oh, wait. It does not.

TIFFANY: Caught ya.

RITA: (sighs) I'm just craving for love, y'know. The reason why I always try to look good and attractive is to attract many men. Which doesn't work most of the time, it feels like I'm shouting to the void, and it doesn't respond. I just wish someone would see me for how I look, I'm pretty, stylish, but people think I'm not. Why?

TIFFANY: Listen, sis. Correction: For who you are, not for how you look. People don't go for ladies who are pretty but bad. They go for the inside, and that's what's important.

RITA: (sobs quietly) For what?! When someone's kind you just get manipulated. Which is stupid, just like how life is.

TIFFANY: Not all get manipulated, Rita...I was once like you, trying to act stylish, pretty and thought people love me for my beauty. But I realized I gained friends because I was kind, I was humble and then people returned it back to me, and they will never forget me.

(Silence.)

RITA: I don't even have friends. I want correct answers because I want people to know I'm a genius, which I'm often not. I struggle to fit in...and I'm graduating next month.

TIFFANY: (softly) Listen, you're the older sister. The advice I give you, is the same advice you will give me, I know you may have trouble fitting in, but the only way is to be yourself. Not some facade. Money can't buy friendship, the same way attraction can't buy relationships.

(Silence. Rita smiles.)

RITA: How are you still here for me? Even if I acted like a meanie towards you?

TIFFANY: Because we're sisters, and sisters stick together.

(stands and extends her hand)

So,are you with me?

(Rita hesitates, then takes her hand.)

RITA: Now let me remove your hairstyle.

TIFFANY: Nah, thanks. It fits me pretty well... For a while.

MR. BIRCHUM: (O.S.) Rita, Tiffany! Come in my office right now!

(They peek out the door.)

RITA: (sigh) Damn it.

TIFFANY: Um..why is that huge elephant sitting on our toilet?

(The elephant is on the toilet.)

ELEPHANT: (shouting) I'm elephanting, y'all!

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INT. LIBRARY - DAY

(Fireslayer and Sir Drunkalot stare at each other in rage.)

FIRESLAYER: (whispering) Listen drunk-y, I am not getting hit by a book, you hear me?!

SIR DRUNKALOT: (quietly) Me neither. We have dodged about 50 books! Thrown by the librarian!

FIRESLAYER: (whispering) This is all your fault! If you had just listened and picked a damn novel, none of this would have happened!

SIR DRUNKALOT: (shouting) Don't frame me! Frame your green ass for taking me here!

(A bookshelf falls on them, flattening them.)

LIBRARIAN: Shh! People are reading and you have left me no choice, boys.

SIR DRUNKALOT: You're gonna spank us?!

FIRESLAYER: (eyes spinning) At least do it on my face.

LIBRARIAN: (angry) Oh, you little cumbersome brats! (shouting) SHUT UP!

(Everyone gasps. Fireslayer and Sir Drunkalot smirk.)

FIRESLAYER: Well, you've made noise, Librarian. I guess it's time to shut you up.

SIR DRUNKALOT: (standing up) Oh, you know the drill!

(Fireslayer punches her. She falls and a shelf lands on her.)

LIBRARIAN: Oh, you're not running away from me, punks! I will come back, and this time...more vicious than-

(The shelf smashes her. Fireslayer whistles.)

SIR DRUNKALOT: (whistles) She's hot. Even when she's 80 years.

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INT. MR BIRCHUM'S ROOM - DAY

(Mr. Birchum paces and shouts.)

MR. BIRCHUM: (angry) Oh my god, How many times do I have to say this?! You haven't took your math homework and then you use A.I to answer the questions! Cointropolis University is suffering with A.I!

RITA: Look, Mister. I-

MR. BIRCHUM: (shouting) Get out of my office!

TIFFANY: (confused) Why did you call us here if you-

MR. BIRCHUM: (shouting) Get out of my office!

RITA: But, I-

MR. BIRCHUM: (shouting) Get out of my office.

(Silence. A paper drops.)

MR. BIRCHUM: (shouting at the paper) Get out of my office!

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INT. HOTEL PIZZA - DAY

(The whole gang is gathered.)

CHEESY: (proud) Well, gang. Today, I was on a date so I never supervised the hotel that much, but how was your day?