‘We had television in the 70s, I know what a TV show is,’ she answered coolly, ‘people date on them now do they? It does sound entertaining I suppose.’

In fact, in her head it sound positively scandalous. Thoroughly debasing and disgusting. Exactly the sort of thing a person bereft of feelings might be able to use to their full advantage. She found that idea extremely appealing. The question was, why would James sign up for such a thing? He did not suit scandal.

“Uh, yeah. It’s a popular genre. There have been a whole bunch of them, with different concepts, but the one I’m joining is... It’s called ‘The Monster Dating Show.’”

"Sounds disgusting. I like it.”

James laughed at that and said, “it’s new, they want to show that these beings that people thought were myths, but we now know are real, are just people like everyone else. Not, monsters.’

“But they called it the ‘Monster’ dating show?” She pointed out.

“Oooh, you missed a whole lot about that, but to keep it simple, the word “monster” has been reappropriated by the paranormal community.”

James went on to explain what other words had been reappropriated. It might have been an interesting story, but Blythe was more curious about why he had chosen to join the show. Was he, unexpectedly, desperate for a date?

“They called me because not enough guys had signed up. And since the purpose of the show aligns with the work I do, I wanted to take part if it could help,” he explained.

She rolled her eyes, of course they couldn’t find many people like James. Of course they had to go and search for handsome social workers to be on their stupid show. What a kindhearted fool he was. Now it seemed like some heartless monster, like herself, would chew him up and spit him out for all the world to see. Hardly an ideal prospect.

She decided she would have to take action, but that was easier said than done. They pulled up to the refuge home she had been staying in, a squat little yellow house with a sloping roof. The owner was a strange old lady with several big dogs. She, for whatever reason, had agreed to let displaced ‘monsters’ live in her basement suite. James got out the car and went and opened the passenger door for Blythe like a perfect gentlemen, so she smiled graciously at him and patted him on the chest as she glamorously emerged. Before she could give him any further advice though, he was already getting back into the vehicle.

“Leaving so soon?” She asked.

“I’m sorry. It’s a becoming a bit of a crazy night, I seem to be in demand,” he said showing her his intelligent mobile telephone and all of the little digital envelope symbols on its marvellous little screen.

“I will see you soon Blythe!” He called out as he drove away again, rushing off into the night.

She considered going straight through the garden and down the stairs to her room, but it was not so late yet that people would be asleep. As a vampire she had to take great care going out in the daytime, and yet right now she didn’t really have anywhere to go at night either. She had no one to visit, and nothing to distract her from her predicament. This wasn’t even the remnants of her old home, this was instead somewhere completely alien. She had been tossed here by random chance, and despite what people had told her, she saw no signs of being welcome, or being a part of society once more. She was still locked off, a vampire in a human world, still regarded with unearned suspicion at all opportunities. As soon as James had left, her heart had sunk and she had felt the weight of the approaching night, with no companionship whatsoever.

It was possible she would never see him again either. A ‘monster’ might sink their teeth into him far away where she couldn’t help him. It could not be allowed to happen.

She had a narrow window, and she used it to go and visit the upstairs of the building, to see her new landlady.

The door opened almost as soon as she knocked.

“Ahh, you’re the Ontarian Vampire right?” Said the old lady, looking Blythe up and down.

“I suppose I am,” Blythe answered. “May I come in?”

“Alright, alright,” the old lady said, waving her inside. “There isn’t any trouble is there? Is it that Sasquatch that’s in the other room? Sasquatches are always trouble, I always tell them, ‘don’t send me any more Sasquatch’s’, but they always do.”

Blythe breezed into the lady’s home, now that she had been invited past the threshold. She gazed around at the wood panelled walls, the lurid orange carpet, the dead houseplants and random piles of clothes.

“Lovely place you have up here. I can assure you, there’s been no trouble at all, the Sasquatch was very friendly and just wanted to play board games. I used to play Hearts, the card game you know, but there are so many new games these days.” Blythe told her, but the old lady was not listening.

“They’re activists too you know. Those Sasquatches. Always doing roadblocks and scaring the life out of people out in the mountains. It’s just a matter of time until one turns up at my door with a police escort.”

Blythe smiled politely. Clearly this was one of those people who only liked the sound of her own voice.

“My dear sweet lady, would you be willing to do me a favour? I just need to borrow your mobile telephone, just for a moment.”

The old lady chewed her false teeth for a second then chuckled to herself.

“You can do whatever you like with it, my son insisted I have one, but I’ve no idea how the darn thing works. The buttons always seem to change.

She handed the device to the vampire. Blythe felt for the first time since she had woken up like she was taking things into her own hands. She toyed around with the touch screen for a moment until she got an idea of how it worked.

“Who are you calling then? You know their number?” The old lady asked. Blythe did not know, but it turned out that her landlady knew more than she admitted. For the next twenty minutes she taught Blythe about this new digital directory called ‘The Internet’, which seemed to have numbers for any place in it, but scattered on nonsensical ‘pages’ with the information completely differently organised on every different page. Someone was going to have fix that system someday. Finally, Blythe dialed the number for the Monster Dating Show. It rang for a very seconds and then she heard a polite voice on the other side. She spoke back to it.

“Hello operator? Could you patch me through to the Monster Dating show? Do you need me to read out the number I entered?”

“Yes, this is the Monster Dating Show applicant phone line, are you hoping to join us?” Asked the polite voice on the other end. Blythe automatically tried to wind the phone cord with her finger, but there was no cord, which for some reason made the phone call seem much less fun.

“Yes.”

“That’s great news! And what kind of dater are you? Are you a human, or are you paranormal?”

“Oh,” said Blythe, “I’m a monster.”