"Is LukYu over?"

That was the thread shippers were torching the site with lately. Even with promotions extended—more music show stages, and the broadcasts deliberately handing the final shot to Lan Yu and Luke—the two kept a subtle distance, whether in collAGE's self-shot vlog or in fans' follow-cam footage.

Even the fans had noticed the problem; Luke, naturally, felt all the more keenly the deliberate distance between him and Lan Yu. Yet he never found an opening to ask; Lan Yu seemed especially adept at using the packed schedule as his excuse to avoid any conversation.

"Yu, are you avoiding me lately?" When the last stage wrapped and the members were stepping down, Luke walked straight up and blocked his path.

"..." Lan Yu opened his mouth, then forced the denial back down. He knew he'd been avoiding Luke too obviously for a casual brush-off to work, so he fell silent.

Because it was the final music show, the plan after was a celebratory barbecue with the members, plus a company dinner with TV-station staff. Everyone knew what nights like that meant for rookies. Lan Yu understood he wouldn't be able to slip away like before.

"Yu, can we talk?" Luke's ask was too earnest to refuse. Lan Yu couldn't find a reason to say no, so he nodded and followed Luke out.

They walked in single file, saying nothing, to a café behind the station. Luke was a regular here, so the staff had saved him a tucked-away corner. "Yu, let's sit here for a bit. It's hard to be overheard."

"Mm..." Lan Yu answered, but his mind was elsewhere.

"I know it's been a while since we really talked."

"Mm..."

"Feels like ever since that ship site for us popped up, you've been dodging me, right?"

"Mm..."

Lan Yu had no idea how to answer when Luke stacked up the facts like that.

Sensing the dead end, Luke tried a different tack. "What I want to know is... Yu, what are you actually thinking?"

"I... I don't know either." It still sounded like a flimsy evasion, but it was the truth. He didn't know how to respond to his own mood; he hadn't forced himself to give an answer, and Kaede hadn't asked him for one.

He hadn't answered the question at all. What am I thinking?

He had chosen to be an idol; that meant giving things up, piece by piece—his body, his time, his feelings. To mind it now... felt like lying to himself, and greedy besides.

"Has this made things hard for you and Kaede?" Luke blinked at him and asked it straight.

Lan Yu shook his head. "No, Leader-nim."

"Ah." Luke let out a breath. "Yu... it probably looks like I wedged myself between you and Kaede. That day it was all three of us, but only our hug got seen—and everyone took it as... something else. That must've made things messy between you and Kaede, Yu."

Lan Yu paused for a moment at Luke's words. He hadn't expected Luke to be worried about that. Then it occurred to him that ever since Luke had walked in on him and Kaede, he had never actually sat down with Luke to talk about what he and Kaede were. For any normal person to mistake them for a couple was only natural.

"Leader-nim, it's all right. niisan and I weren't affected by it." Lan Yu thought that since Luke didn't know what they truly were, it was better left alone—after all, a 'friends with benefits' arrangement wasn't something that could be declared publicly.

"If that's the case..." Luke leaned in across the table, gaze imploring. "Yu, can you tell me why you're avoiding me like this?"

There it was again—that look. Lan Yu truly suspected that Luke already knew this was the one move that left him defenseless; there was no way to refuse the plea in those eyes.

Lan Yu let out a long breath. "Honestly, I don't know. Leader-nim, when I said just now that I didn't know, I meant it. Ever since people started hyping our ship, it feels like something's been happening that I can't quite grasp. From the beginning the company paired us up, and on the group reality show we followed the script. But when people take those beats as traces of real feelings, I get this sense of dislocation. It's like everything before had been mapped out beat by beat rather than chosen from the heart—and even so, everyone treats it as real. I don't know how to face that mismatch."

Luke listened to the whole run without interrupting, then answered softly, "When I'm with you, Yu, I'm not acting."

Lan Yu couldn't help a smile. "Is that really the only part you heard, Leader-nim?"

"Yu, I might not fully get why this feels like a dilemma for you. But when I'm with you, Yu, it's the real me—no act. I'm not playing to a script for the cameras, and I'm not spending a second worrying about how people will cut or read those clips later." As he spoke, Luke kept his eyes on Lan Yu; the earlier hurt had drained away, leaving a steady, unguarded sincerity.

Having heard Luke out, Lan Yu let out a small laugh. "Leader-nim, that's the same look as always."

"What look?" Luke tipped his head, puzzled.

"The you-always-know-how-to-comfort-me look." Lan Yu smiled and lightly tapped the brim of the baseball cap Luke was using as a disguise.

"I mean it." Luke caught Yu's hand as it started to pull away after he tapped the brim, holding on and meeting his eyes. "If this whole 'playing up the chemistry' thing is making you uncomfortable, I'll handle it with the company. Even with the company being the company... when it comes to this, if I say no, they listen."

Lan Yu hesitated for a beat. He hadn't expected Luke to offer that; it wasn't that he'd never considered such a fix—he'd simply never wanted it to end that way. “We... we don't need to,” he answered, a little awkwardly.

"It's okay, Yu. You don't need to worry about me. If you don't want this, I'll say no for you. I won't be hurt over something like this." Luke kept his grip on Lan Yu's hand, head cocked as he watched Yu stumble for words.

"I... I don't want to end things with you, Leader-nim..."

He hated admitting it, but that was the truth. He didn't like staging a relationship for the cameras—it kept him second-guessing himself—but he disliked even more looking as if he were deliberately dodging something. If it hadn't been for the company-arranged group reality show, he and Luke might never have fallen into this way of being; and when that once-a-week assignment ended, he couldn't imagine where the two of them were supposed to go, or how.

Was it just going to reduce him to the pitiful, dutiful leader who had accidentally seen his own member having sex with his "boyfriend"? Lan Yu watched Luke go slack at that naked truth. He had no wish to step back into that possibility.

"...I'm not dreaming, am I?" Luke's uncertainty was so thick Lan Yu could almost touch it.

"What's wrong?" Seeing how Luke suddenly looked thrilled and careful at once, Lan Yu felt the weight on his own chest lift. He teased, "Leader-nim, are you trying to cut things off with me?"

"No, no." Luke shook his head fast, terrified that a slow answer might change Lan Yu's mind. "I just didn't expect you'd want to keep going, Yu."

"I really do enjoy being with you, Leader-nim." Lan Yu looked at him—flustered, clueless—and couldn't stop smiling.

Maybe this is fine, Lan Yu thought.

"Yu..." Luke's voice broke as he pulled Lan Yu into a tight hug, burying his face against his chest and refusing to lift it.

"Leader-nim, you're impossible." He didn't really mind; he stayed where he was and let Luke hold on. Pressed to his chest, Luke felt like an oversized puppy—all warmth and coaxing. Lan Yu wasn't a pet person, but with Luke like this he couldn't help softening—his hand went up on its own and settled in Luke's hair.

Because Luke had moved so suddenly, the baseball cap he'd been using as a disguise slipped off. Lan Yu caught it and kept it in his hand. From this angle all he could see was Luke's pale blond hair—no reason to hurry the cap back on.

With Luke's height, Lan Yu rarely had the vantage to really look at—let alone touch—his hair. Luke's hair was light to begin with; after debut the stylists had bleached it even paler. As Lan Yu's fingers combed through, he could feel the trace of the bleach; fresh off the stage and stiff with spray, the strands were almost like fibers. The tips grazed his palm, tickling something low in his chest.

The sensation was utterly new to him.

Kaede, by contrast, had always kept his hair ink-black. The company had never told him to perm or dye—officially because black suited his personal image, though who could say. Whenever Lan Yu teased him about it, Kaede would answer that he liked his black hair anyway, always in a tone that made it sound as if he were keeping it that way for Lan Yu.

"..." Hidden against Lan Yu, Luke felt the pass of those fingertips through his hair. "...This is the first time you've touched my head, Yu..."

Lan Yu chuckled. "Leader-nim is so tall. When would I ever get the chance to reach it?"

"...I can bend down so you can..." Luke's voice slipped into that familiar, wheedling note Lan Yu knew too well.

"Okay, okay." Lan Yu knew if he didn't cut it off now, Luke could happily stay in his arms forever. He gently but firmly eased Luke back, settled the cap over his hair, and said, "I won't pick fights with you anymore, Leader-nim. If something's weighing on me, I won't hide from you, okay? And it's time to head to the barbecue place for the team dinner—they're probably waiting."

For a second Luke pouted at being pried loose, but the moment he heard that promise—that Lan Yu wouldn't hide—his face lit up.

"Okay!" he said, trotting after Lan Yu as he stood to go.