INT. HOTEL PIZZA - DAY

CUSTOMER: (shouting) Um, Manager. Your ''customer service'' sucks. You barely serve food, you barely acknowledge customers, and worst of all, you never acknowledge the fact I got a Pepsi instead of a Coke!

RITA: (tired) Uh, yeah. Get out.

CUSTOMER: I want a refund!

RITA: (checks watch) You'll get your refund at 50.67879...pm.

CUSTOMER: (stares blankly) What are you talking about?!

RITA: You might have taken a lot, today. Or is it me?

INT. HOTEL PIZZA - DAY

(The customer, now named Ray, returns with purple hair and a broken T-shirt.)

RAY: (shouting) How is my look, girl? Is it LEGIT?!

RITA: What are you doing here? I thought I chased you.

RAY: (shouting) You don't even know my name, you sick-twisted-- (sigh) Name's Ray. And you?

RITA: Are you blind? It literally says on my cap, you sick-twisted-- (sigh) Name's Rita. And you?

RAY: (shouting) I already said mine! (normal voice) And before I say ''you sick-twisted'', and then a boring, repeated, low budget sigh, I'm gonna take this complaint to upper management.

RITA: (scoffs) What is Cheesy gonna do about it? Cry in tears and force us to overwork for 72 hours straight, no thanks.

RAY: (angry) I got anger issues, lady!

RITA: (on phone, with headphones) I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. Yeah, I didn't hear that.

RAY: (walking away, grumbling) Screw this sick-twisted dirt-ass pizza hotel place.

(Fireslayer approaches Rita.)

FIRESLAYER: Jeez, Rit. What was all that conflict about?

RITA: Your momma. Go away.

FIRESLAYER: (chuckles) I'm not in the mood for these middle-school insults, I'm in the mood for launching my own radio station! Isn't that right Sir Drunkalot?

SIR DRUNKALOT: (jumping) Hell yeah! Let's start it now.

FIRESLAYER: I know you're excited, bud. But we need capital, and we need to register it. Because if we run an unregistered business, those handy upper-management will come and take our candies away.

SIR DRUNKALOT: (through clenched teeth) I hate government, but it's the only way to survive in life.

FIRESLAYER: Yes, knighty. So how do we start looking for capital?

SIR DRUNKALOT: We sell my weiner, or my brain, or my eyes. (removes eyeballs) I can only see your legs.

FIRESLAYER: (shocked) What, Have you lost your marbles?! You can't sell your body parts for money. Yes, it's expensive. But you need those to function, and also the police will catch you.

(A pineapple, Pineapple Joe, gives Sir Drunkalot $9,000 for his eyeballs.)

PINEAPPLE JOE: I'll take it, dude. It looks dope.

SIR DRUNKALOT: Here you go, sir!

FIRESLAYER: (shouting) What the hell is wrong with you, dude?! Now we gotta get your eyeballs back!

SIR DRUNKALOT: $9,000 dollars, man. What are you talking about?

FIRESLAYER: (running) Fast! The pineapple's leaving!

SIR DRUNKALOT: (running, bumping into things) I can't see!

(Fireslayer chases Pineapple Joe's car but fails to stop it.)

SIR DRUNKALOT: Hooray, my leg's broken!

INT. HOTEL PIZZA - STUDIO - DAY

CHEESY: (scrolling phone) Oh, Cheeseburger. Isn't it nice when money's just flowing and you're just sitting worrying about nothing?

CHEESEBURGER: Absolutely, Cheesy. But get your legs working a bit. I'm just from the gym, and reached..4 steps? What is happening to my phone these days?

CHEESY: Mine shows 600.....600 laziness meter.

(Ray bursts in.)

RAY: If you are the boss of Hotel Pizza, I have a complaint.

CHEESY: Should've taken it to the FCC. That happened to the 2020 Super Bowl halftime show, right bro?

CHEESEBURGER: That's for television, this is a small pizza place with surprisingly big profits.

CHEESY: (clears throat) So, customer. What's your complaint?

RAY: I ordered my pizza from Rita at the counter today, but after 4 hours I never recieved! Instead of a coke, they gave me a pespi. What kind of clowns do you think you are?!

CHEESY: A customer's happy? (stands victorious) Fear not, I shall serve your order!

(Cut to Cheesy shouting at cows in a farm.)

CHEESY: I said I'm hiring you!

COW: Moo.

(Cut back.)

RAY: How hard do you think it is to run a pizza business. Because I wanna get employed, and when I get employed. The tables get turned!

CHEESY: (turns around) You wanna get what now?

CHEESEBURGER: (chuckles nervously) Ray, I understand you are frustrated with our customer service but you can't just get employed without years of experience.

RAY: (scoffs) Experience? Who needs it? I'm gonna replace Rita as the counter manager and do orders as fast as I can!

CHEESEBURGER: Ray, I'm serious, this ain't an easy job. I didn't just chose Hotel Pizza to hire the weak, I choose to hire the strongest, serious, tough, courageous, risk-taking employees in all of Countrypolis.

RAY: And yet, in episodes you still goof around.

CHEESEBURGER: (sarcastic) Thanks for breaking the 4th wall, Ray. But you're not-

CHEESY: (proudly) I say he's hired!

CHEESEBURGER: What? How's that possible?!

CHEESY: Sorry, Cheeseburger. But Rita's been slacking off lately, she fails to provide, she got rated 1/5 on glassdoor, the positive was about her appearance and sex appeal.

(Silence.)

CHEESEBURGER: Stupid Rule 34 simps.

CHEESY: So, Ray, you're hired! What do you say you watch our training video.

RAY: No need for that, Mr. Cheesy. I can handle being a counter manager alone. What can possibly go wrong?

EXT. PINEAPPLE JOE'S HOUSE - DAY

FIRESLAYER: (whispering) Alright, knighty. I've figured out where Pineapple Joe stays, this must be it.

SIR DRUNKALOT: Wait, you know where people stay?

FIRESLAYER: I know where everyone stays.

SIR DRUNKALOT: Why, isn't that kind of...scary..?

FIRESLAYER: I even know where Micheal Jackson stays.

SIR DRUNKALOT: So where does Taylor Swift stay?

FIRESLAYER: (scrolling on phone) Um...

SIR DRUNKALOT: Caught ya.

FIRESLAYER: Oh, shoot. Let's just get your eyeballs back, back to the Hotel and resume our radio business, got it?

SIR DRUNKALOT: (bumping into wall) Fireslayer, why is your body like wood now.

FIRESLAYER: (shouting) I'm over here you dumb- oh yes, you're eyeless.

SIR DRUNKALOT: (holding petrol) This...doesn't feel like a beer bottle.

INT. PINEAPPLE JOE'S HOUSE - DAY

(Fireslayer sneaks in and finds the eyeballs in the sink. His attempt to retrieve them goes wrong, attracting Pineapple Joe's attention.)

PINEAPPLE JOE: What the heck's going on here?!

FIRESLAYER: (muffled, with sink on his face) A mess.

PINEAPPLE JOE: (looking at eyeballs) Hey my eyeballs!

FIRESLAYER: (shouting, grabbing them) Back off, they're mine!

PINEAPPLE JOE: I paid lots of money to get it, and if you're stealing them from me. Then consider yourself kicked.

FIRESLAYER: Yeah, because you're already nicked in my dreams.

PINEAPPLE JOE: We're not doing british phrases as if this is a british sitcom!

CAT: (british accent) Oh my, I forgot I chopped my tail off and ate it.

(Fireslayer and Pineapple Joe stare each other down.)

PINEAPPLE JOE: (cracks knuckles) Let's settle this off, the non-verbal way...outside.

INT. HOTEL PIZZA - DAY

RITA: (angry) What the- What do you mean I'm replaced?!

RAY: Well, girl. You're fired. Fired for poor customer service, I'm the new guy who provides good customer service, and will knock you out of this building.

RITA: Knock me out?! Who said I'm replaced!

RAY: (shouting) I talked to upper management, and upper management said 'I am the new manager'! So shut up and get of this turf!

RITA: (angry) Turf...Turf?! (chuckles bitterly) Have they lost their minds?!

RAY: No time to waste, You're replaced.

RITA: (pushes Ray) I'll tell you Ray, this is my counter and it will forever be mine. I get paid, I'm the main lady, and don't interfer.

RAY: I can see that you're scared of losing your job, this isn't a tv series with no lore Rita, this is real life.

RITA: I can tell. In tv series some shows have lore, some don't, comedies are poorly pace, a dramatic thing happens and they forget about it, some comedies are good, some suck, some dramas are thrilling, some are mind-numbing. In real life we have poverty, we have bills, we have arguments, we have A.I, we have bad days, we have bullies, bad workers. We have people with anger issues, people who have ADHD, and people who are crazy. There's nothing funny about real life because it's not fiction, there's humor out of conversations, we laugh at rejections, and we laugh at ourselves. Take the spot, Ray. Tell me if this is another TV episode, tell me if this is another niche comedy, tell me if this is an NBC program that gets 1 million views weekly. Or is it a job that someone loved for years and you ruin it? Tell me Roy, Tell me.

(Silence. Ray is shocked.)

RAY: (softly) I have anger issues, this ain't another tv episode. You're not Squidward, you're...you. I suck at emotions sometimes.

RITA: (softly) It's fine, Roy. Not everyone's perfect, a pencil can write, is it special? No. Because it has an eraser, they are geniuses, but are all of them geniuses in academics? No, they are smart somewhere else. You have anger issues, and..people have them too, just..don't yourself.

RAY: I can't believe I have a facade.

RITA: I had it too, and I still have it. But not all the time, not everyone's open. And? So, what. That's why they are introverts.

RAY: (smiling) Thanks, Rita. I don't think I will take my order, you will make it for me. Just don't screw it up.

RITA: I won't, dude, I won't.
(Rita goes to the kitchen. Smoke bursts.)
(shouting) Who left Ronald Mcdonald in the oven?!

EXT. PINEAPPLE JOE'S HOUSE - DAY

(Fireslayer and Pineapple Joe face off.)

FIRESLAYER: Alright, Joe. Let's have a duel, one-on-one as you promised.

PINEAPPLE JOE: Of course, homie. The person who wins get's the eyes home.

FIRESLAYER: I'm doing this for you, Sir Drunkalot. Wait, where is he?

(Pineapple Joe punches Fireslayer. A fight ensues. Pineapple Joe eventually lowers his gun.)

PINEAPPLE JOE: So what's the point of resorting to violence? (lowers gun, extends hand) Friends?

FIRESLAYER: (surprised) Yeah, we're all flawed people. I'm so stupid for not knowing.

PINEAPPLE JOE: No..I'm stupid for starting the fight. I'll give your buddy's eyes.

(They shake hands.)

INT. HOTEL PIZZA - AFTERNOON

RAY: (leaving) So long, Rita. Thank you for helping me.

RITA: Heh, It's nothing.

(Cheesy speeds in.)

CHEESY: Well, Rita. Congratulations on proving you love your job! I should overwork you to earn more profits.

RITA: No, get out.

CHEESY: (pupils dilating) Aw, don't you wanna have a gwirl's mwight shwift?

RITA: No. (walks away)

CHEESY: Aw, how swad. Bwoy's night shifts are always wild and hworny!

RITA: (dead serious, mimicking him) Shwut the dwam hell wup.

(Cheesy is shocked. Silence. Fireslayer and Sir Drunkalot enter.)

FIRESLAYER: Don't let your eyes get lost next time buddy.

SIR DRUNKALOT: I'm happy my eyes are back.

CHEESY (V.O.): Well, life isn't about making fun of people who have issues, and not so good physical appearance. Like Doctor Passion Fruit who vandalized the sign last Tuesday of people eating birds when the sign was ''STOP''. Life isn't about resorting to violence when you lose something. It's about exploring, learning, and that's why we're here. Narrated by me!

DOCTOR PASSION FRUIT: I'm paying you $6,449,79 for saying my name.

CHEESY: Jeez, you're under copyright now?

DOCTOR PASSION FRUIT: No, I am copyright.

FADE OUT.