“…and just when Amanda started considering venturing into the world of love again, her dreams and hopes were shattered as her past rose from the abyss and came back to haunt the present, destroying any chance of a future. It pushed her back into the shadows, where she could protect her heart from danger.”

I stop typing and close my laptop, a faint sense of accomplishment settling in as I realize I’ve finally finished the first twelve chapters of my new novel. Then, two knocks echo through the room, followed by Hansel’s voice. 

“Mily, can I come in?”

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, jump out of bed, and open the door for the first time in ten hours—I think my bladder is about to explode, and I’m super hungry. Still, at least I’ve managed to hide my red, swollen eyes from my roommate, Faith, and Charlie. I don’t want them to know I spent the entire night crying and writing while thinking about Andrew Keegan.

“Good morning, Hansel,” I say when I see him standing there, a mug of coffee in his left hand and a smug smile stamped across his face.

“Good morning, Mily. Are you ready to come out of your cave and face the outside world?” he asks as he steps into my bedroom, closes the door, and hands me the mug—it’s not my favorite mug, but it’ll do. Besides, the hot liquid inside is a lifesaver and fuel for my sleep-deprived brain.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply, sitting on the bed and taking a sip.

Hansel rolls his eyes and walks to the window, pulling the curtains open and letting the morning sunlight flood the room, brightening my otherwise gloomy mood. 

I hiss in response, baring my teeth and turning my head away just like a vampire—or, in my case, someone who cried relentlessly for hours.

“Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?” he presses, sitting beside me.

“Where are Faith and Charlie?” I take another sip of the coffee.

“Faith’s at the hospital, and Charlie’s asleep on the couch, as she didn’t want to go back to her place last night because she was too worried about you.”

“Why would she be worried about me?”  I feign ignorance, frowning.

“I know your game, and I’m not playing it, Emily. Come on; spill. What happened yesterday? Did Lucas upset you again? Why were you crying when you got home and locked yourself in here?”

Damn it. I shouldn’t have chosen one of my best friends as a roommate because nothing goes unnoticed under our roof.

“I locked myself in here because I felt inspired and wanted to write before the words disappeared,” I lie.

“You’re lying,” he retorts, scrunching up his nose. “Why were you crying, Emily?”

I let out a deep sigh before blurting out, “Andrew kissed me yesterday.”

Hansel’s jaw drops to the floor, his eyes widening in disbelief as he gasps, “No way.”

“Yep,” I confirm, grimacing.

“How did that even happen?”

“I was getting into my car, and he kissed me out of nowhere,” I explain, images from the unsettling moment rushing back into my mind and stirring the ache in my chest as a result.

“What did you do next?” Hansel places his hand over mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze, silently reminding me that he’s here.

“I pushed him away, jumped into my car, and drove off before he could stop me,” I mumble, my voice trembling. 

For some reason, I feel ashamed of how I handled the situation, admitting—at least to myself—that I could have told Andrew he was an idiot and to stay away from me for good. 

“Oh no…” Hansel shakes his head and bites his lip. 

I’m fairly sure he wants to laugh but is holding it back to spare my feelings.

“When I walked into the apartment and saw Charlie drinking wine with Faith and you in the kitchen, I completely broke down,” I confess, “ because it reminded me of what happened years ago. You know, when I saw Charlie kissing Andrew at that party. So I locked myself in my safe space where I can be alone with my thoughts.” I pause for a couple of seconds before adding sarcastically, “At least inspiration struck, and I managed to write the first twelve chapters of Love and Shit. My agent will be thrilled when I send them.”

“Why did you push Andrew away if you still like him? Why did you run away?”

“I don’t like Andrew,” I snap. “And don’t you dare say that in front of Charlie, or I swear I’ll make you regret it.”

“You know Charlie already thinks you still have feelings for him, right?”

Why does everyone insist on believing that?

“You still haven’t answered me, Emily. Why did you run away from Andrew?” Hansel presses, studying my face like an open—and horrifying—book.

I stand and begin pacing the room, the mug warm in my hands. It takes a moment before I finally admit, “Because I panicked. The fact that, for a second, I reciprocated Andrew’s kiss and forgot about everything that happened in the past scared me.” I let out a shaky breath. “That moment of weakness reminded me of how easily I could get hurt again.”

Hansel sighs. “Don’t you think it might be time to give him another chance? It’s obvious he’s interested in you.”

I take a long sip of coffee—choke slightly—and shake my head. “I don’t know what Andrew wants, but I won’t let myself fall for him again.”

“You need to let go of the past and move forward.” Hansel jumps off the bed and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a warm hug. “You’ve punished yourself long enough, Mily. You can’t let old pain stop you from finding happiness.”

“I can’t,” I whisper. “I can’t erase the memory of seeing Andrew and Charlie together when they both knew how I felt.” Tears spill down my cheeks. “I felt betrayed, heartbroken, and invisible.”

“I don’t understand why you’re still friends with Charlotte but don’t want to talk to Andrew anymore, considering they both hurt you. If you think about it, Charlie was worse because she was one of your closest friends.”

“Charlie is my friend; she always has been,” I state, placing the mug on the bedside table.

Hansel furrows his eyebrows, insisting, “Are you sure about that? I wouldn’t have forgiven her if I were in your shoes.”

“It’s not like she dated Andrew on purpose; she truly loved him,” I retort, coming to Charlie’s defense for reasons I don’t even understand myself.

“Look, all I’m saying is that I don’t want you to miss out on the good things in life because some idiots didn’t know how to treat you in the past,” he remarks. “Things change, and so do people.”

“Things and people might change, but I don’t…” I hastily wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. “I made a promise for a reason, and I’m not breaking it just because my childhood crush kissed me.” I pause as Luca’s face pops into my mind out of the blue. “On that note, Lucas asked me out on a date, and I turned him down too.”

Hansel gapes at me for a long, uncomfortable moment, giving me enough time to consider leaving him there and sneaking out of the apartment for some fresh air. As I mentally plan my escape, he snaps out of it and exclaims, “You’re on fire, Emily. I swear, it’s like you’re emitting pheromones or something.” He then bursts into laughter, unfazed by the slap I land on his shoulder.

“Can you please leave my bedroom?” I groan, opening the door and gesturing toward the hallway. “I need to talk to my agent, and you aren’t invited to our online meeting.”

“I’ll leave if you promise to take a shower afterward,” he teases, smiling. “You look like hell.”

“Out,” I snap, shooting him a murderous glare.

“Fine, fine.” He raises his hands in surrender. “One last thing… Are you spending Thanksgiving in Canada with Charlie, Faith, and me?”

I point at my laptop, replying, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you because I need to finish writing my novel.”

“So what? Are you going to spend the holiday alone?” He stares at me in horror.

“Jeez, what’s wrong with that?”

“No turkey? No pumpkin pie? No good food?”

“I’ll probably drive to my dad’s place and stay with him,” I say, shrugging. “We’ll feast on fried chicken and tacos.”

“You’re weird,” he mutters, shooting me a side glance before walking away and disappearing from view.

I lock the door and sit on the bed, feeling blue and desperate to hear my hero’s voice. Before I know it, I’m grabbing my phone and dialing my father’s number.

“Emi, I’m glad you called.” Dad’s voice soothes my frenzied heart and broken soul like magic, restoring the peace I’ve been craving.

“Hi, Dad. How are you?” A broad smile spreads across my face as I lie back, my gaze drifting to the ceiling—and to a huge spider building its web right above the chandelier.

“Are you coming home for Thanksgiving? I know it’s next month, and you probably want to spend it with your friends, but—”

“No, Dad. I want to spend it with you,” I state.

“That’s a relief,” he sighs, chuckling. “How’s your new book coming along?”

“I’m working on it…” I absentmindedly glance at my laptop, then back at the spider—wait. Where did it go? It’s not on me, is it? Eeek!

“I’m proud of you, Emi,” Dad says, his love reaching me through his words.

“I know you are,” I murmur as fresh tears slide down my cheeks. Jeez, why am I so emotional today?

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I have to hang up because I’m meeting a friend in about twenty minutes,” he informs me hesitantly.

“What friend?”

“A friend…”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

“I love you, my dear daughter.”

“I love you too, Dad.” I end the call feeling better and more prepared to face the days ahead and the baggage that comes with them—and by baggage, I mean Andrew and Lucas. 

I don’t believe in love, and that’s final. Nothing and no one will ever change my mind, so I don’t need to worry about falling into its traps again.

I walk to the window and look at the place where my nightmare works.

“You are completely dead to me, Andrew Keegan,” I whisper as more tears slip down my cheeks.

* * *