Ryan sighed, leaning against the counter in boredom, and when his coworker, Erina, didn’t react as she was preoccupied with restocking the shelves, he allowed himself another, much louder sigh, and she grumbled right back at him. 

“Just spit it out,” she said, barely paying any attention to him, like she didn’t care at all, because in truth, she didn’t, but Ryan’s sighing and obvious, obnoxious pouting made it impossible to ignore any longer. 

“There’s this person,” Ryan mumbled, face cupped inside his hand, not a single customer anywhere in sight within the convenience store, and the street outside was just as abandoned. 

“Of course.” 

“We met on campus.” 

“Aha…” 

“I can’t read him at all!!” Ryan suddenly yelled, making Erina drop a can of soda right onto the ground, only for it to become so deformed, there was no way they could sell it.

“Why are you yelling?!” Erina grumbled, reaching for the can to dispose of it. Luckily, it hadn’t spilled. “Just tell your story already, in a normal tone!”

“Okay, okay,” Ryan sighed, puffing out his cheeks. “So, he’s in arts, and he’s super, super talented, but I think … he’s struggling. As in, he can’t see how good he actually is. But at the same time, he’s super arrogant whenever he gets complimented for his talent, saying things like he knows already, and stuff like that.” 

Erina stared. “Sounds like an annoying person.”

“No! No, not at all! I mean, he’s mean sometimes, and he keeps telling me to go away, but, but I think he’s actually super nice! I think he can be, if he wanted to!”

“So, he hasn’t been nice,” Erina concluded.

“W-Well—“

“And what about him? He hates you,” she chuckled. 

“I—I think so, but sometimes, it doesn’t seem like it!” 

“Huh?” Erina’s confusion was written on her face, and Ryan could only continue with his story. 

“Maybe I’m imagining it, but … he usually avoids me, but when he does look at me, it feels super intense. And at first, he never wanted to see me, like never, but now, he doesn’t complain anymore when I bring him coffee in the morning. But when I invite him for lunch, he never responds, and I ask almost every day! And—And whenever we’re having a good time, or a good talk, he runs off! What am I doing wrong?!”

“Hm.” Erina pretended to think after Ryan finally finished his never-ending monologue. And then, as she inhaled and lifted her finger, only to mock Ryan, she came to only one conclusion: “Maybe, it’s because you’re annoying.”

“Hey! Rude!” 

Erina chuckled right after, and hopped over behind the counter Ryan sat at. “You’re into him?”

“Yeah … I—I thought we could be friends, but he’s setting up one wall after another. And—uh, well—friends is a bit—“

“Not enough?”

“I don’t know! Okay, I really don’t know! My mind goes crazy when he looks at me, and ever since I posed for his drawing class, I don’t think I’ve ever had this many wet dreams in a row—“

“Oh my God, TMI! TMI! Stop, stop!” 

“Well, that’s the thing, though! How am I ever gonna face him again, now that I’m like—like—“

“Like a horny teen.” Erina scoffed, absolutely mocking him more and more. She loved it. 

“No! No, no! Don’t say it like that!” 

Erina laughed even louder. “You’re so helpless,” she mocked. “If you like him, just tell him.”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re so pretty, you never get rejected by anyone!” 

“Well, yeah. Worst he can say is no, and then you can move on.”

Now, Ryan slouched all the deeper. “Everyone’s telling me to move on. It’s so unfair…” 

“Oh, he got you bad, huh?”

With bloated cheeks, Ryan nodded. “I can’t tell him. We barely know each other. I mean, I should get closer, first, and then … But—But also, there’s these rumors that he’s a total player, and then … he definitely won’t want me at all!!!” 

“Stop yelling, seriously!” Erina threw her microfiber cloth right at Ryan, only for it to slosh right against his shirt. Just in time, he caught it before it drooped onto the counter. 

“Sorry,” Ryan bit the inside of his cheek. 

“What makes you think he’s a player?”

“These girls at uni,” Ryan sighed. “They’re art students, too, and they gossiped about him like that. I told them to stop, but if there’s any truth to it … I mean—“ 

“Doesn’t that make it even easier?” Erina, who was surprisingly simple-minded, mumbled. “Offer him your body. Easy. You said you barely know him, so you probably just got the hots for his good looks, anyway.”

“But—No! It’s not like that! I want to get to know him, and I want to eat meals with him, and I want to see his eyes light up when he has a good coffee, or a good snack, or, or—“ 

“Damn. You’re so innocent.”

“I mean, don’t we need a connection first before we do stuff like that?!” 

“Not necessarily. If anything, it’s the best way to get to know someone.” 

“That can’t be true!!!” 

Erina laughed, and whipped her dark hair about. “With the way you’re blushing right now, I’d think you’re a virgin.” 

“But I’m not! And even if I was, what’s wrong with that?!” Ryan contested. 

Well, it wasn’t like Ryan was particularly experienced, either. He had had an awkward first time with his first girlfriend, Lilly, who’d cheated on him, and intimacies that couldn’t count as anything through his online relationship with Hana. 

“Are—Are you serious? Maybe he thinks I totally am, and that’s why he’s totally not interested in me?! But—“

Erina poked his nose in a bright grin. “I doubt it. You’re so cute like this.” 

Ryan pursed his lips, continuing to sulk and drown in his own demise. If Eli knew Ryan had such impure dreams about him, he’d murder him on the spot, Ryan was sure of it. 

But to pretend like none of this affected Ryan, he couldn’t do that, either. He wanted to get closer, much, much closer. And with all his efforts shut down or backfiring, instead, he had no idea what to do, or how to proceed. It seemed he’d reached a dead end impossible to get out of. 

Was Ryan truly alone in this? Was he going insane, over-thinking all these little things Eli did, from his longing, avoidant gazes, to the little, attentive gestures? Was it all in Ryan’s head, and nothing meant anything at all?

Erina tousled her fingers through Ryan’s hair in a giggle. 

“And last time we met, he cried!! He cried so much, I didn’t know what to say!”

“Why did he cry?”

“If only I knew!” Ryan reached for his own hair, practically wanting to rip it out of his scalp. “I was too dumbfounded to say anything! I mean, we did drop his ceramic flask he worked on for hours, but he said he didn’t care. But then he sobbed, and he cried even more when I cut myself on the pieces, but I don’t know! I really have no clue! He’s so complicated to read!” 

Erina had no time to answer, and Ryan exploded all the more.

“And he called me annoying, but it sounded like he wanted to say something else! And he took care of my cuts, and looked so worried, and his eyes were so sad, and, and—Agh! I don’t know!” 

Ryan slouched forward onto the counter, forehead hitting the desk in a throb. His voice came out muffled s he continued on in a rumble.

“I wish I could read his mind,” Ryan sighed, his curiosity about Eli overbearing everything else within his mind. “He tells me to leave him alone, but half the time, it sounds like he means the very opposite.”