Ray

Okay…stay calm, Ray, stay calm…

What the heck is going on? Why is he hugging me so tightly like that?

I’m…not repulsed, per se. I’m moreso…shocked. Bewildered. Flustered, even. I can feel my cheeks flushing this very moment. What am I supposed to make of this?

Oddly enough, though…it kinda feels nice. It’s giving my heart this toasty feeling that I haven’t felt in a while. It almost makes me feel whole again. It’s a feeling that I didn’t know I needed, but now that I know what it feels like I don’t want to stop feeling it.

Jax is wet and sticky and gross. I am too. But I don’t care. I don’t feel like resisting. I want to keep holding on.

I don’t want to let go…

Jax

“Ray, I’m sorry. I was too hasty, and it…came off the wrong way.”

Ray lightly chuckles. “What was that? Can’t hear ya. Say it. Louder.” There’s a very obvious smirk painted across his face. He doesn’t even try to hide it. Where’d he get so feisty all of a sudden?

I let out a grumble, responding to him in a half-annoyed, half-joking manner, “I’m sorry. Better?”

Satisfied, Ray gently peels my arms off his torso. “Yep. Now get off me. You’re soaked in sweat.” We both share a laugh.

“Jax, serious question…what were you doing over at Kit’s house? I haven’t been there for a while. How’s Mrs. Kono?” Almost as if anticipating rejection, he quickly adds on, “I-if you don’t wanna answer them, you don’t have to!”

Tell you what, Ray. After everything that’s happened today, I think you deserve some transparency from me.

“Easy question out of the way—well, ‘easy’ is relative—Mrs. Kono…she hasn’t been holding out the best. Kind of like you, actually. She shut herself out from the rest of the world and became a hermit in her own home. Although, after the interview I had with her, she seems a lot more relaxed now. That must have been a lot to get off her chest.”

Ray starts getting intrigued. “An interview? With Kit’s mom? For what?”

I open the notepad app on my phone, showing Red the minutes I recorded from that last part of the interview. “It’s complicated. Can I trust you to keep a secret?” I’m not particularly concerned about confidentiality. We’re nearly done with it anyway. But it can’t hurt to check. He nods his head solemnly in response.

“Okay, so…

“When I’d first pitched the idea for this article to the journalism club, they were all quite hesitant to follow through on it. They liked the idea, but they had worries about how they would even get it out. There is a press embargo on us, after all, so it would most definitely not clear the censors. In fact, their involvement in the making of this article is contingent on me claiming full responsibility for the whole thing.

“The only way we would ever get this article into the school magazine was by playing renegade. And so that’s what we did. Most of the work for the article was done outside club hours on a shared document, communicated over a group chat or in a cafe. We couldn’t risk anyone walking in on us during club meetings and blowing our cover. The plan is that by the time the school board catches wind of it, it should be a fait accompli.”

“I’ve never bothered much with the school magazine”, Ray chimes in. “I’ve heard it’s full of sterile, cherry-picked stuff that licks the boots of the school administration.”

“I’m willing to bet they don’t know of all the times I’ve had to butt heads with them just to let certain things through.” I sigh. “Trust me, none of us are happy about it. But we don’t really have a choice. The school has final say on everything.”

“But you’re willing to do it now.”

“Things are different now. We can’t keep going on as normal, when nothing right now is normal.”

“Oh.” Ray falls silent. He turns away from me and clutches at his scalp, the implications of that statement seemingly dawning on him, hitting him like a truck. Was that too much for him?

He turns back to me apologetically, his eyes evading mine. “You are feeling something too, aren’t you?”

I don’t need to confirm it for him. He already knows. “We’re all are. In different ways. Our way of dealing with it was this article. That club meeting where we decided to move forward with it…that was one of the most heated sessions we’ve ever had. I think all of us in the club were, at least to some degree, in an apoplectic rage, not just at the current state of school morale, but at just how grossly mishandled the situation was by the school administration. We all agreed that metal detectors and police presence were not real situations. They just moved the problem. It didn’t change that people were left traumatised by it, and because of the lack of a support network, they had no recourse. They fell through the cracks. There are more of them than you may think.”

“Isn’t that spying?” Ray eyes me warily. I shrug. “I’m just looking out for them. What’s so bad about that?”

He smirks. “Why do you think no one outside the club actually likes you?”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

The sky now is nearly jet black. The moon dangles high amidst grey clouds. I get up from the tree, ready to make my way back home, when I see Ray still sitting there, unmoving. “Ray, I need to go now. But just one more thing.

“No one is blaming you for anything. No one, except yourself, Ray. You’ve admitted so, and that’s a good first step. But if you want to move on, you have to learn to love yourself again.”

Ray nods at me, with newfound hope. “I’ll keep doing therapy. I’ll keep journaling. I’ll find something new to fill this hole of mine.”

“If you need it…you can hang with me. I’ll keep a door open for you.” I help him to his feet. Ray pats the soil off his jeans as we both get ready to head home.

Once we make it out of the forest, before heading our separate ways, he affirms me, scratching the back of his neck, “I…think what you’re doing is great.”

“Thanks.”

As I head home, I open the group chat. Seems Lumi wasn’t very successful in quelling the situation, as evidenced by the explosion of unread messages on my phone.

Jax: what the hell did you guys do while I was gone

Lumi: i’m sorry jax, they just went feral, and… :(

Wade: thats bc iris cant take a joke (凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

Iris: Need I explain to them that it had something to do with my eyesight?

Jax: anyway…I’m inviting someone else to next week’s club meeting, so whatever you do, do not freak them out.

Lumi: will do! o7

Wade: ill try my best ;P

Iris: Wade, do not prank the new guy. That’s how you scared away the last one.

Wade: well, sorry 4 wanting a lil fun.

Iris: Wade, you’re weird, you know that?

Wade: arent we all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Lumi: i’m sorry about them jax <(_ _)>

I open the door to see my dad still on the couch, watching TV. Once he hears the door slam behind me, he runs to greet me, checking if I’m okay. “Alright, Dad, I get it!” I chuckle, trying to get him off my skin before heading up to my room.

Then, I get to work.

Mrs. Kono

“Honey, I’m home!”

I run to the door, helping my husband to undo his coat as he removes his shoes. “You’re early today.” I stroke his chin endearingly.

He seems to notice the grin on my face. “You look happier than usual, dear. Something happen today?”

“Yes.” I hold his cheeks up to my face. “I met someone very special today. And for the first time in forever…I feel free.”

Before my husband has time to ask anything else, I hold his hands, entering a slow dance with him. The only music in the background is the wind rustling in the distance and the rattle of the curtains, but that does not faze either of us. We keep on dancing, as if the house were our own private stage, and no one can see us but ourselves. I’m reminded of the two of us doing the exact same dance, in this living room…it must be roughly twenty years ago at this point. Even before we had Kit.

“We should do this more often.” I quip. “We haven’t done it in so long. It feels nice.”

“Once I get more time on my hands, sure.” My husband laughs. “I don’t have to work as hard anymore to keep us afloat, after all.”

While dancing, my husband tries to tell me something. “Look, Kit’s death was hard. For both of us. We used to have fights and sleepless nights over it, but…deep down inside, we both felt the same. But now, doing this, seeing you this happy…I think I can finally say this. We can’t change the past. But we can move forward. We can keep on living, one day at a time. What do you think?”

I reply, “Yeah. One day at a time.”