Xander was nervous. Why was he nervous? Perhaps it was the idea of moving out of home for the first time and becoming an independent man. He wondered if he'd be able to cook his own meals, or whether he’d need to budget for takeout regularly. Did he need to update his address on his license and Medicare? Or could he just leave them for now since this arrangement was only temporary? Did he need to buy furniture?

Xander had a lot to be nervous about. 

But at that moment, as he stood in front of the familiar grey door to his friend's apartment—his soon-to-be temporary home—Xander had only one thing he was nervous about: seeing Luka again. 

After falling for his former friend-with-benefits and being rejected two years ago, Xander needed time to move on from his broken heart. Maintaining a distant friendship helped, and not seeing Luka for the majority of those two years also helped. Although, occasionally, Xander would miss the physical connection the two men previously had. 

He missed the way Luka’s body felt in his arms, pressed up against his chest. He missed the warmth of the shorter man’s breath against his shoulder, his neck, his jaw, before Luka’s breath would tickle his lips, followed by a kiss. But most of all, he missed the way Luka laughed. That uninhibited, almost childish, laugh that Luka would let out when he looked at Xander in a way that had inevitably led to Xander’s unrequited feelings.

Feelings he had been trying to get rid of for the past two years. Whether his attempts had been successful or not was yet to be determined. 

Xander did play around with other people during the time they spent apart—getting over his initial mindset of only sleeping with someone if they were dating. But none of those hookups ever led to the same type of connection he had with Luka. Those hookups were purely physical, ways to satisfy a primal craving, no-strings-attached sex—what he was supposed to have with Luka. 

But what they ended up having instead was… more. So much more.

Their relationship had been both exciting and calming, like attending an underground rock concert and then eating late night kebabs under the stars. It was messy, yet sometimes it felt like everything fit together perfectly. Well, almost everything. For as much as their bodies melded together like a two-piece jigsaw puzzle, their hearts were from completely different sets. 

Xander wanted Luka. He wanted Luka all to himself, to be the other man’s one and only, his priority, his love. But Luka? Luka wanted to be carefree. He didn’t want to be tied down by a serious relationship where he couldn’t do the things he wanted because of societal expectations of what it meant to be in a relationship. He couldn’t make Xander his one and only, his priority, his love.

As much as the two men liked each other, they ultimately wanted different things. And they both accepted that. At least, that’s what Xander told himself.

So, as Xander knocked on that familiar grey door, he braced himself for their reunion. 

The door flung open to reveal Luka wearing a brand new cream V-neck knitted vest, one Xander hadn’t seen him wear before. Underneath, he wore a familiar light blue button-down shirt that Xander recognised as one of Luka’s work shirts. He still had his grey work pants on but was standing barefoot on the carpet. His beautiful face, with those glimmering amethyst eyes and that big toothy smile—oh, how Xander loved everything about Luka's smile—sent a wave of nostalgia crashing so hard into Xander that it almost made the grown man crumble to his knees like one of the Twelve Apostles.

“Hey!” Luka greeted in his sweet welcoming voice that made Xander want to reach forward and kiss him. To feel the other man’s breath against his lips again, to taste the delicious nostalgia of all the nights they had previously spent together, to embrace Luka and make up for two years worth of time spent apart. 

But he couldn’t. He wouldn't. He couldn’t reach out to a past memory, no matter how wonderful it was, if the two of them were going to move forward with their lives. 

Xander had a lot to be nervous about, and living under the same roof as Luka for the next three months was one of them.