INT. PRISON CELL -- NIGHT

STATIC STAN faces the camera, his image flickering.

STATIC STAN
Let me tell you a story.

He presses a red button. Screens of him flash. Cages open, releasing a parrot, a monkey, a bird. An eagle flies free. Stan runs in, laughing maniacally.

RECORD SCRATCH

STATIC STAN
Oops. Where were we?
(Clears throat.)
Once upon a time… 1992.

INT. COINTROPOLIS UNIVERSITY -- FLASHBACK

Sign: “COINTROPOLIS UNIVERSITY. EST. 1976.” A young, shy, handsome STAN holds his degree, watching pigeons.

STAN (V.O.)
Fresh grad. Theatre and arts degree. Looking for a job… until a letter dropped.

He picks up a letter.

MR. TICK-A-CLOCK (V.O.)
“Dear Stan, come to my house. Your best friend, Tick.”

Stan gets in his car.

STAN (V.O.)
Tick sent for me. I listened to late 70s music.

RADIO
♫ Hurry, don’t be late… ♫

STAN (V.O.)
Not that one!

INT. TICK’S HOUSE -- FLASHBACK

MR. TICK-A-CLOCK paces. Stan enters.

STAN
What’s up, Tick?

MR. TICK-A-CLOCK
Children’s shows are trending. Let’s make one.

STAN
Absurd. A cereal promo? I’m not a TV mascot.

MR. TICK-A-CLOCK
(Chuckles.)
I’m serious. I’ll write. You plan the characters and film. ‘Kay?

STAN
Tick. No way. You can’t—

Tick hands him a stack of cash—$70,000. Stan clutches it.

STAN
Fine. Let’s do it.

END FLASHBACK.

INT. PRISON CELL -- DAY

Stan is unraveling. Eyes shift red, green, blue. Manic.

STATIC STAN
The grown-up TV head isn’t narrating a whole story!
(Slams table.)
I became famous!
(Stomps.)
An icon! Executives crushed my dreams! I hid in the—
(Punches wall.)
—basement! Instead of a chance with… with… with…

He glitches, warping.

STATIC STAN
(Shouting.)
TICK! I killed him! Now I’m stuck here! I can’t do anything!
(Faces camera.)
I’m breaking out.

Silence. A paper drops. A knock on the door.

STATIC STAN
(Sighs.)
Breaktime.

Louder knocks.

STATIC STAN
Hush!
(Charismatic.)
I’m coming.

His cell opens. SARAH STRAWBERRY stands there with files.

STATIC STAN
(Jumps.)
You—jour—what the—

SARAH STRAWBERRY
Interviewing prisoners. Come on the news, buddy.

STATIC STAN
(Gulps.)
Okay.
(Softly.)
Quick question… remember me?

SARAH STRAWBERRY
(Silent.)
Why remember a poor, lost criminal?

She walks away. Stan facepalms.

STATIC STAN
I was interviewed on CBC in ’95. Guess this is my life.

INT. HOTEL PIZZA LOBBY -- DAY

Busy. Guests, luggage, dining. RITA mans the front desk.

RITA
(Typing.)
Alright. You’re in.
(Gives key.)
Don’t lose it.

The line is long. She sees TIFFANY in heart-shaped shades, scrolling.

RITA
Hey, sis. Little help?

TIFFANY
Sure. Want $30,000?

RITA
Uh… yeah, sure. You good?

TIFFANY
Just thanking you for the trauma help. Cash is easiest.

RITA
No problem.

SIR DRUNKALOT (O.S.)
Get a room!

RITA
Yours is in the trash!

FIRESLAYER passes with beers, drinking with buddies. He sits with PENTA.

PENTA
Fireslayer, my prodigal. Powers working?

FIRESLAYER
(Fist bump.)
Good, master.

PENTA
Let’s watch the news.

TV on. Zoom in.

INT. CBC STUDIO -- DAY

SARAH STRAWBERRY interviews a prisoner.

SARAH STRAWBERRY
How many crimes?

PRISONER
Stole the Wi-Fi. But why… fi?

SARAH STRAWBERRY
Next: prisoner 301. Prepare.

INT. BACKSTAGE -- DAY

STAN sprays perfume on his prison uniform, polishes his TV head.

STATIC STAN
(Exhales.)
Showtime.

A BACKSTAGE MANAGER offers a spray.

BACKSTAGE MANAGER
TV repellant?

STATIC STAN
I’ll take it!
(Sprays, groans.)
Mosquito kind.

He enters the studio, grabs the mic.

INT. HOTEL PIZZA -- DAY

FIRESLAYER spits his beer. PENTA is shocked.

FIRESLAYER
He’s alive!

PENTA
Of course. But why is he— He’s planning something!

INT. CBC STUDIO -- DAY

STATIC STAN
(Taps mic.)
On?
(Clears throat.)
Listen. I did terrible things. Unexplainable. Cruel. I was a manipulative, cunning jerk. I miss the outside. Being free. I can’t just “show and tell”… I need to fix this.

SARAH STRAWBERRY
And that’s Stan!

STATIC STAN
Oh, right. Television. Been a while.
(Suggestive.)
How you doin’, honey?

HONEY
I have a husband.

HONEY-PIE
And a son.

HONEY-BOO
I like media violence by ladies.

INT. HOTEL PIZZA -- DAY

TV off. FIRESLAYER’s robotic arm activates, aims at the screen.

FIRESLAYER
He’s coming back! For horror!
(Eyes green.)
We stop him!

He blasts the TV. Everyone gasps. Fireslayer pants.

MR. CORN FLAKES BOY
Cheesy won’t forgive you.

FIRESLAYER
(Stammers.)

Penta pulls him down.

PENTA
(Whispers.)
Don’t let the cat out of the bag!

FIRESLAYER
(Nods.)

A cat runs out of a bag.

PENTA
It’s an idiom.

INT. PRISON CAFETERIA -- DAY

Prisoners eat. Stan gets rotten spaghetti with bean sauce.

STATIC STAN
Change it?

SERVER
Only chowder.

STATIC STAN
Make the spaghetti better?

SERVER
(Shouts.)
You’ll eat it and like it!

Stan sits next to GENERAL MARSHMALLOW DAVIS.

GENERAL MARSHMALLOW DAVIS
Not military-grade food.

STATIC STAN
Same. Fancy meals only. This is like school cafeteria.

GENERAL MARSHMALLOW DAVIS
Heard you’re fixing problems. How?

STATIC STAN
Glad you asked.
(Shouts.)
I’m breaking out!

Everyone stares, gasps.

STATIC STAN
(Stands on table.)
We’ve all done bad things. Can’t fix them all. But we can break out and try!

Murmurs.

PRISONER
TV-head, you can’t escape. Security’s tough.

STATIC STAN
I know! That’s why we talk it out, return stolen items, prove our honesty!

Silence.

GENERAL MARSHMALLOW DAVIS
Don’t understand.

STATIC STAN
(Groans.)
Fine. From zero…
(Touches Davis’s hat.)
…to 100.

INT. HOTEL PIZZA KITCHEN -- DAY

FIRESLAYER paces. PENTA thinks.

FIRESLAYER
He’ll cause more trouble. World’s unsafe.

PENTA
It never was. He killed Tick, betrayed Davis, destroyed the lobby, manipulated us. A criminal who can’t say sorry.

FIRESLAYER
Yeah, but…
(Hesitates.)
How do we stop him?

PENTA
I teleport.

FIRESLAYER
Wait, really? Hooray! Let’s stop that TV-dude!

Penta grabs him. BOOM. Teleport.

CHEESY enters, humming. Takes lasagna from oven, golden wine from fridge.

CHEESY
Ah, the life.

Pause.

CHEESY
MY TV!

INT. PRISON CAFETERIA -- CONTINUOUS

Stan jumps on tables, explaining. Prisoners listen.

STATIC STAN
It’s hard, but we can forgive, forget, restore. Like episodes resetting!

PRISONER
What’s the plan?

STATIC STAN
With my giddy two-shoes, I present… S—

BLAST! Green energy hits Stan. He falls, burnt, dizzy. FIRESLAYER and PENTA stand victorious.

FIRESLAYER
TV freak! Continuing evil plans?!

Stan stands, flickering, dusts off.

PENTA
You killed Tick! Betrayed Davis! Destroyed the lobby! Caught in fame! Manipulative! Selfish! Narcissistic! Foolish! Hid in a basement! You don’t deserve forgiveness!

Stan smirks, unfazed.

FIRESLAYER
(Aims gun.)
You deserve to—

Stan interrupts, singing.

STATIC STAN (SINGING)
Listen, I appreciate the honesty…
But sometimes things should end with a prophecy.
I understand your anger, but you can’t do it for long…
I have officially changed!

Static blast hits Fireslayer and Penta.

I understand the determination…
I understand the rage…
But I control the stage!
You have expired under my protocol!
I just want these prisoners redeemed!

PRISONERS (SINGING)
Ooooh!

STATIC STAN
I know why you’re double-teamed!
But do you think you can stop me?

CHORUS
Redemption! Exemption!
Who dares take my right of emption?
Redemption! Un-attention!
Is that what you want?

PRISONERS
Oh, oh, oh, oh!

STATIC STAN
Is this what life was made for?
Suffering and agony?!
Redemption! Diremption!
Who dares take my right of sole emption?
I know what you want, but I can’t let it happen.
I got a team! I got a dream!

Stan finishes, bows. Cheers.

STATIC STAN
Thank you. I ju—

PENTA
You forgot me! I’ll shred you!

He morphs into a sword.

PENTA
You’re back for relevancy, likes, fame! You should die!

STATIC STAN
(Kneels, close.)
I’m not chasing love or fame. That’s the old me. I chase redemption. That’s the new me.

PENTA
How? You killed Tick!

STATIC STAN
Don’t remind me! I have a goal.
(Pokes Penta.)
It will change the universe.
(To prisoners.)
Put him in my cell.

INT. STAN’S CELL -- DAY

Prisoners throw FIRESLAYER in. He hurts.

FIRESLAYER
Let me out, freaks!

His eyes green. Arm becomes shotgun.

Prisoners laugh, throw PENTA in.

PENTA
He’s manipulating you!

PRISONER
We’re breaking out. Stan’s king.

They leave, lock cell.

FIRESLAYER
We failed. He’ll endanger Cointropolis.

PENTA
But how will he “change the universe”? He’s planning something bad.

FIRESLAYER
Oh, no.

INT. HOTEL PIZZA LOBBY -- DAY

Gang gathered. CHEESY announces.

CHEESY
Good afternoon! We’re going on an adventure.

Groans.

CHEESEBURGER
No mood. After all that’s happened.

CHEESY
But Christmas! Sad spaghetti?

MR. CORN FLAKES BOY
(Eating soggy spaghetti.)
Already eating it. Tastes like sadness.
(Cries sauce.)

CHEESY
Who broke my TV?

RITA
Fireslayer. Lost a goal or something.

CHEESY
Fireslayer! Where are you?!

Silence.

CHEESY
And Master Penta?

CHEESEBURGER
Scheming? Kitchen?

TIFFANY enters.

TIFFANY
Haven’t seen them.

CHEESY
(Despair.)
Where could they be?!

RITA
The trash?

TIFFANY
My foot?

MR. CORN FLAKES BOY
My underwear?

Pause.

MR. CORN FLAKES BOY
Nooo, it is then.
(Eats, sauce-tears.)

CHEESEBURGER
We gotta find Fireslayer.

CHEESY
We checked! Maybe they’re dead.

CHEESEBURGER
Sir Drunkalot is crying for his friend.

CHEESY
(Puppy eyes.)
We nweed Mastwer Penta!

Tiffany giggles at her phone.

CHEESY
Funny tweet? I call it Twitter, not X.

TIFFANY
No, silly. They’re not dead. Fireslayer texted me. Asking to bail him out of jail.

Silence.

CHEESY
(Sighs.)
Hangover? We made $3.5M today, now spend $50K on bail?!

CHEESEBURGER
We’re rich. Let’s bail him. But, Tiff… why text you?

TIFFANY
I… don’t know.

INT. STAN’S CELL -- DAY

FIRESLAYER pockets his phone.

PENTA
So we have support. Why Tiffany?

FIRESLAYER
I trust her. Known her since high school.

PENTA
Nice. I aced Spanish class, quit for an IT job. Quit when Tick recruited me.

FIRESLAYER
I was good at Spanish too. Engineering degree. Chemical engineer. Too many calculations… forgot the language. Engineered my own parts. Act like a robot now.

PENTA
Huh.

An eagle flies in, lands.

FIRESLAYER
What’s that?

PENTA
I love talking to eagles.

FIRESLAYER
Let’s eat it.

PENTA
(Slaps him.)
No! Illegal!

FIRESLAYER
(Stomach growls.)
Hungry.

PENTA
We’ll eat when bailed.

INT. PRISON CAFETERIA -- DAY

Prisoners chant “STAN!” Throw flowers. Stan bows on a table.

STATIC STAN
Thank you. We break out at midnight.

PRISONER (O.S.)
Love you, Stan!

STATIC STAN
Love you too, handsome. Buy me time. The show must go on!

Cheers. Stan opens a static portal, jumps in.

INT. COSMIC REALM -- DAY

Stan floats in a universe of buildings, planets, spacecraft. A planet crashes, forms a portal.

STATIC STAN
(Inhales, exhales.)
Showtime.

He dives in.

INT. SEALED BRIDGE -- DAY

A maroon bridge, yellow energy, stairs. A shining, rotating golden COIN.

STATIC STAN
(Amazed.)
Wow. Time to right myself.

He walks, looks up the stairs.

STATIC STAN
(Laughs smugly.)

He climbs. The fourth step breaks. Stan falls, grabs a brick, jumps, lands on the golden floor. The Coin glows before him.

STATIC STAN
(Eyes glow blue.)
The Coin!

He reaches. A dark VOICE stops him.

VOICE
Stop. This place is protected. Part of the universe.

STATIC STAN
Chill, fella. I want to right my wrongs. Change the universe.

VOICE
You can’t. This is the Coin Rush. It built worlds, cities, lives. Take it, you take your life.

STATIC STAN
I need it. To be strong. Powerful. Unstoppable!

VOICE
You can’t!

A blast hits Stan. He falls, screen cracking in slow motion.

VOICE
You’re lonely. No team. No trio. If you think you can pass the test… you’re wrong. Crazy.

STATIC STAN
(Stands, coughing.)
I am crazy. But chase me… you chase your most important figure. The USB.

He pulls out a glowing yellow USB. It connects to the Coin’s energy.

VOICE
The USB? How?

STATIC STAN
My ratings powered it. My audience. My life’s in there. My soul.

VOICE
Stan. I remember. Your show “We Stan” was canceled. You wanted power. To stay alive.

INT. SEALED BRIDGE -- FLASHBACK

Young Stan worships the Voice.

STATIC STAN
I have static. Trade my ratings for the Coin. We’ll be unstoppable. I’ll return the USB in 19 years.

VOICE (V.O.)
On this day, 2006, you traded your soul. Now you’ve brought it back.

END FLASHBACK.

INT. SEALED BRIDGE -- CONTINUOUS

Stan bows, crying.

STATIC STAN
Take it. Take my life.

VOICE
I can. But the energy isn’t powerful enough. You need… green energy.

STATIC STAN
(Panting.)
N-no. It can’t be!

VOICE
I’m sorry, Stan. Return it by tomorrow night… or come here to die.

STATIC STAN
(Gulps.)
I will, your honor.

INT. STAN’S CELL -- DAY

FIRESLAYER hums. PENTA sips coffee.

FIRESLAYER
Prison sucks. Been here for a hangover before.

PENTA
(Chuckles.)
I believe.

The cell opens. STAN stands, urgent.

STATIC STAN
Fireslayer. Penta. Come with me. We need to go.

They stare.

FIRESLAYER
Go where?

STATIC STAN
You’ll see.

FADE TO BLACK.

TO BE CONTINUED…