Simon

This time Shinta is the one who pulls away first. “I’m sorry,” he pants.

I weave my fingers through his and hold his hand up to my face before kissing the back of it. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, it’s me who should be sorry.”
“No, I like kissing you. I just have a lot on my mind.” 

“We don’t have to rush. You can take all the time you need.”

“Thank you, you are really sweet.” He leans his head against my arm and I can feel lust start to burn my chest.

“Not really, forcing someone to do something just isn't my thing. I can wait, no problem.” I really mean it too. I could never do anything someone wasn’t wanting. 

“Can I hug you?” He looks up at me, all doe eyed. How can I resist those big blue eyes? 

“Of course. Come here,” and I wrap my arms around him pulling him into the best bear hug I can manage. “You can talk to me too, you know?” 

He freezes in my arms. 

Silence.

I must have hit a nerve. 

After a few more moments his breathing resumes. “I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

My heart sinks. I have to tell him. It’s just cruel if I don’t. “Hmm, well I told you I’m here for work. Eventually they will call me and tell me where the next place I have to go is and I will have to move again. I can promise not to hurt you while I’m living here but when they ask me to move, I’ll have to start all over again.”

Silence again. 

“How long will you be here?”

I let out a long sigh. “It could literally be any day. Tomorrow even. Or a year from now. I really have no clue. It just depends.”

“That sounds really hard on you.” 

I chuckle because he’s right. It’s been tough but that's why the pay is so good. “It used to be really hard on me but I’ve gotten used to it. I found it’s easier if I don’t get too close to people and cut all contact when I leave town. Each time I move, I start over.”

Shinta hugs me tighter. “That sounds incredibly lonely.”
“It can be, yeah,” I admit. 

Silence fills the room once again. 

“Okay.”

I’m confused. “Okay what?”

“Okay, I’ll take you up on your promise.”

I pull away from the hug and make him look me in the eyes. “Are you sure? I’m used to it but that will probably be pretty hard on you. You’ll be ghosted once I move again.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” and before I know it, he’s pulling me back in for a kiss. 

Between kisses, I breathe out, “okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I want to stay locked in the embrace, kissing him all night but instead I pull away. I don’t want to go all the way on the first date. Second? Okay. But the first one I want to let marinate. We both have a lot to think about. “It’s getting late,” I say, brushing away the hair that fell out of the high ponytail he wears. I kiss him on his forehead. “Let me finish cleaning up before I go home.”

He nods before saying, “okay.”

I take the glasses to the kitchen and rinse them out in the sink before washing them by hand. I set them on the counter to dry, then make my way back to Shinta. I hold my hand out and ask, “walk me outside?”

He giggles and that's the reaction I was hoping to get. Warmth fills my chest with his smile. He takes my hand in his and walks me to the front door. I wrap my arms around him and pull him in for another bear hug. He is surprisingly sturdy. I thought he would have felt more frail but he has a lot of muscle hidden under that baggy sweater he always wears. “I'll see you tomorrow?” I ask, hopefully. 

“I don't think so, I'm sorry. I have to work and also I promised Josiah we would have dinner together.” 

“Ah, yes. You did say you guys cook together a lot.”

“We try to at least. Sometimes life is busy but we do our best to at least do dinners.”

“Isn't that a fact? Life can be so crazy sometimes.” I kiss him one more time. “Okay, I should get going.”

Shinta grabs the hem of my shirt. “Wait, let's exchange numbers. I’ll be busy tomorrow but it would still be nice to talk to you.”

“Okay, here.” I hand him my phone, new contact page open already. 

“There. I texted myself already so now I have your number too.”

“Thank you. I'll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay, have a good night!”

“Goodnight to you too!”

Once Shinta shuts the door, I decide to go for a walk to clear my head. I walk down the block for a while until I end up back at the park. I find a bench and sit down, the night playing over again in my head. I can't help but scrunch my face at the thought of hurting him. He says he can handle the relationship but I really don't think he can. At least he has Josiah. He says they are just friends but I'm not so sure about that. 

I love spending time with Shinta though. He's sweet and caring. Beautiful. I've been alone for so long. I just want to be selfish for once and let myself feel something, even for just a short time. I really hope he can handle it.