Family only.

I was… just a friend.

I wasn’t biological family, so I couldn’t go see him?

Suddenly, it all felt so unfair.

I was the next person closest to Jay after Lucas. I wasn’t a journalist or a nosy neighbor, I was his friend first. It wasn’t like I had many friends to begin with…

Just Jay and Jeane.

And if Lucas counted… then Lucas too.

That was a grand total of three.

My circle was quite small.

An arm landed across my shoulders. I looked up at Lucas, half wondering what he was doing, and half wishing he’d warned me. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden contact.

“She’s our sister.” When the nurse gave him a dubious look, Lucas looked at me and then back at the man convincingly. “Half-sister counts, right?”

The nurse sighed and nodded before leading us down the hallway.

And with that lie, I was able to walk with Lucas down the halls of the ICU, and see Jay with my own eyes. Since we couldn’t possibly hug and walk, Lucas and I looked as if we were kids, about to start skipping, arms linked at the elbow. Both of us seemed to need the contact, the subconsciously feeling of someone there, a touch telling that we weren’t alone. We didn’t know what we were walking into.

The nurse stopped next to a normal looking glass door. On the inside, a curtain was drawn to block out the sight of the patient from anyone that might pass by. The foot of the bed, with that white plastic footboard, was the only visible part as they opened the door for us, following us into the room.

We shuffled in slowly, taking in the strong medical smells, the beep of a monitor, the dim lighting, and the darkness outside the window shades. I held my breath as we rounded the curtain.

I stopped, a chill racing through me.

It wasn’t like what I thought it would be. Those shows that were on the television at night, the comics, the stories describing gruesome scenes. The image wasn’t the issue. He wasn’t bloody. The sheets were pristine and white. Any open wounds in visible places had white bandages covering them, hiding the depth and shape.

I shivered, a cold seeping into me, sinking deep into my heart.

The problem was who. The one in that bed, eyes closed. The one laying there so peacefully and quiet.

He looked… lifeless.

Nothing like the Jay I knew.

Nothing like the him that I’d just been on the phone with.

Nausea rose in me, the option to throw up whatever was in my stomach was pending approval.

“His doctor will come as soon as possible to inform you about his condition.”

“Thank you,” Lucas told the nurse, who nodded and left. The door clicked shut behind him.

I sucked in a shaky breath as tears pricked my eyes.

This wasn’t happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

Lucas slipped away from my side and over to Jay, taking his hand… his totally limp hand. I had to look away to avoid causing a scene by soiling the floor.

Jay and lifeless.

They didn’t go in the same sentence. They couldn’t. It wasn’t possible.

It was only when I felt a set of eyes staring at me that I looked back at the bed and occupant, but they weren’t the one watching me. Lucas was. He sat down in the available chair and beckoned me forward. As if on autopilot, I stared at Jay as my feet quietly brought me closer.

“Mara… there’s something I have to ask,” Lucas whispered when I was closer.

“What is it?”

I couldn’t remove my gaze from that pale face, the hair on his head in a messy pile, the dry lips that looked nearly about to crack. The white bandages. A dark bruise beginning to show.

“How was it… that you knew he was in an accident?” he asked. No accusation, just curiosity.

I froze anyway, that dread sinking into me, as though I’d been caught red-handed for something. Even if the only thing I’d done was answer my phone.

“I…”

My gaze finally drifted over to a small cardboard box on the nightstand. Without looking too hard, I could tell it was his personal belongings from the scene, in his vehicle or on his person. His wallet. His phone. His favorite tumbler that had a dent at the top now. I reached, as if possessed, for his phone, taking it in hand. There was a tiny crack, nothing more. Something that had happened a few weeks ago. My lips started to tremble as I ran a finger over the screen and case. Not two seconds later, my face scrunched up as I tried to stop the tears rising in my eyes.

“We were talking…”

I didn’t need to finish the sentence for him to understand. He took my hand and squeezed it before rising from his chair and hugging me again, the floodgates of my eyes opening fully upon receiving a bit more of comfort in my confession.

“I heard it,” I whimpered. “I – everything went silent. I just… he – he made a noise and I… I was too scared to end the call. I wasn’t sure where he was and I heard sirens in the background…”

“Shh. It’s alright. You don’t need to explain. I get it.”

We stood there, his hands gently patting my back as we swayed as one, the movement calming me as my breathing returned to a semblance of normal, the tears a trickle instead of a river.

There was a knock that came from the entrance and we let go, turning to see a man and woman dressed in police uniforms standing in the doorway. They confirmed we were the family of Jason Bright before telling us how this had come to happen. The eyewitness of the event had already given their statement. They had been the ones to call for an ambulance as well. One driver had run a red light, hitting the back of his vehicle and sending it over into the other lane. Someone had been coming over the hill maintaining their speed as they saw the green light, and slammed into the driver’s side of Jay’s vehicle.

After that, it was more of the quiet found inside a hospital room. The hum of electricity was all that remained.

It wasn’t the last for noise, as the doctor made their rounds, stopping by to say exactly just how much was wrong with his body as he lay there, scraped and bruised.

Severe injury to the head.

Skull fracture.

Broken arm.

Various bruises and cuts from the jostling and glass.

They’re monitoring him.

Will update if anything changes.

Words were floating around, making no sense and too much all at once. I just wanted it over. I wanted him to be okay. He’d wake up and brush it off, claiming it was nothing, just so I could scold him and say otherwise.

“When will he wake up?” Lucas asked.

The room grew chillier as the doctor hesitated.

“We’re not certain he will.”

I couldn’t hear what they were discussing after that, maybe something about how there was a limited window where it would make sense for him to wake up or turn into a category of helpless hope. All I could see was the red line on his neck where a seatbelt would have ended up, his arm wrapped in white where it was broken, and the bag of fluids that had a line leading to him.

His eyes remained closed and my throat was doing the same, closing in around me, just like these off-white walls. The chair was cold as I sat down atop it. Slowly, I took his hand in mine. Tears rose in my eyes again, but I didn’t have the heart to fight them off this time. Jay’s hand was limp. It didn’t flinch, didn’t curl tighter, didn’t grab my own. His skin felt colder than it should’ve been.

Somewhere along the lines, the doctor left and a nurse came in to check on things before taking her leave as well. Lucas didn’t try to make small talk, just took a seat on the other side of Jay, tears hanging in his own eyes, shining in the light of the room.

What was there to say? To do?

Begging aloud for him to wake up was cliché in my own mind. I wasn’t going to do it, not using a voice raw from sobs, not making a sound.

Holding his hand in both of my own, waiting to feel any sort of movement, I pleaded inside my mind, eyes closed.

Wake up, Jay.

Please.

I leaned forward, resting my head on my arms, peering over and up at his face, never letting go of his hand.