“Ryan, did you see this?” Mel wondered, asking into the microphone, only for a message to reach Ryan the very same time as they waited in queue for another match.

“Hm?” Ryan grumbled, opening the link to the forum. Mel already knew how awkward the situation between Ryan and his crush was, but she seemed rather supportive, now, instead of telling him to give up.

What she sent him was a newly created forum tab on the university page. Where everyone usually complained about Eli, they wondered similar things, this time.

[What’s wrong with Elias Kang in life drawing?]

[Has anyone seen Elias Kang lately? I crossed paths with him recently, and it’s like he’s a completely different person. He’s not sketching in life drawing class, and not even looking. He just stares at his blank page, and does nothing throughout the whole class.]

[yeah. Honestly, we got a bit worried, and asked him if he’s okay. I thought he’d tell us off, but he didn’t even react. Like a zombie. Creepy.]

[He didn’t turn in anything for ceramic sculpting. He’s never missed an assignment in his life, since he always wants all the praise. Prof gave an extension (apparently the second one) and he still didn’t turn it in]

[suddenly, he’s got nothing mean to say anymore but it’s even more weird when he’s like this]

[drugs? Lolol]

[not funny. Maybe he’s got art block. Geniuses suffer the most, yknow]

[Elias is NOT a genius]

[clearly you’ve never seen his paintings before. He won prizes for them even back in middle school, and high school. He’s been going to art-specific private schools since then to fuel his talent]

[someone did research LMAO]

Ryan sighed. At this point, this had turned into a total thread to gossip about Eli. Some defended him, some badmouthed him, some fellow artists worried about his output, and the complete block he seemed to suffer from. And Ryan, if anything, felt directly responsible for it all. 

“I don’t understand,” Ryan mumbled. “I don’t know what to do. I feel so bad … but I apologized. Is it really this traumatizing that I like him? Mel, am I that much of a loser?” 

The game found a match for them, but somehow, Ryan didn’t want to play at all. He still pre-selected his favorite tank to play, and stared at his teammates, only to sulk deeper and deeper into his demise.

“I never should have kissed him, Mel!” he yelled into his microphone. “Why did I do that?! If—If I hadn’t done that, at least, we’d be friends! It was going so well, but I had to go and be an idiot!” 

“Ryan,” Mel sighed, but she seemed just as clueless as he did. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just give it some time, hm?” 

“I’m too impatient for that,” Ryan grumbled, and at least, he was honest. But feeling so clueless, with nothing he did helping at all … it was horrible. Eli didn’t talk to him, only drank his coffees, or sips of it, and that was all their interactions entailed. It was the absolute worst!

He craved hearing Eli’s angelic voice, even when it was mean to him. He craved seeing that slight smirk on Eli’s face when he made fun of Ryan’s hobbies. He craved those endless eyes looking at him. 

At this point, he fell deeper and deeper into this hopeless crush, didn’t he? 

Just when he was about to reach the end of hope, a message popped up on his screen, one he couldn’t believe even after endlessly blinking right at his laptop’s screen. 

[Impromptu] has come online. 

Eli. 

He hadn’t played since the very last time they’d played together. He always complained about how horrible the people were, and how it wasn’t fun with those, but now … out of his own free will, he had opened the game?

Ryan gulped, and throughout his entire match, he found himself stalking Eli’s game profile, only for Eli to sit in the starting menu this entire time. Not queuing for a match, not doing anything at all. 

Swallowing his pride, Ryan decided to whisper him. If Eli wasn’t there, and simply left the game open as he did other things, the message would disappear into the void, and never be seen. But if there was a slight chance Eli sat there by himself, debating what to do now that he’d started the game … 

[ItsRyan: do you want to play with us? We could do your ranked placement matches, and see where you end up!!!]

He couldn’t focus on his match any longer, and played all the worse. Feeding, dying when he didn’t need to, simply because he wasn’t truly looking at the match, and stared at the bottom left corner texts, instead.

Badump. Badump. Badump. 

He couldn’t believe it when a response actually came. 

[Impromptu: Sure. Let’s play.]

“M-Mel! Mel! Mel! Mel!”

“What, what, what? Dude, you’re playing like a bot!” 

Ryan practically hopped about on his chair, pulling it closer towards his desk, and away, back and forth, over and over. Sitting still wasn’t an option anymore. “Let’s get this match over with fast! Please, please, please!”

“Huh?”

“Eli wants to join us! Eli wants to play! Let’s lose quick before he changes his mind!”

“Are you kidding? Now, who’s throwing our elo, huh?” But she did play just a little worse; bad enough for them to lose the game, but not so bad that they’d get reported for it. In mere minutes, they were out of that lobby, and in hasty clicks, Ryan sent an invite Eli’s way.

Only a few seconds later, Eli accepted, and Ryan’s heart pounded harder and harder.

[ItsRyan: hi!!! Do you want to join our voice call??]

[Impromptu: I’d rather not.]

[ItsRyan: thats okay!!!! You can use the party voice chat in the game, if anything!!! Lets have fun!!]

They queued up, and the three of them ended up playing quite a few matches, only for Mel to leave halfway through Eli’s placement matches.

“W-Wait, you’re leaving?”

“I’ve got homework,” Mel mumbled. “And maybe he’ll talk to you when I’m gone.” She chuckled, hung up right after, and Ryan was left all alone in a silent group with Eli, with neither of them saying a word as they queued up for another. 

And just like Mel had prophesied, Ryan heard the clicking of a microphone suddenly activated in their group chat, and Ryan’s blood rushed through his ears so loudly, he worried he wouldn’t be able to hear Eli’s voice. But rustling, and breathing, was all Ryan could hear at first.

“Uh—“ Ryan stuttered, and gulped his nerves away. “Your mic is on … just letting you know.” 

Finally.

Finally, finally, finally.

Eli’s voice. “Ah. It’s working?” As serene as ever, but lame, and tired. As if it cost him all this energy to even talk, when he’d done nothing but sit in front of a canvas for days on end.

“Y-Yeah! I can hear you!” 

“The team won’t hear me when we get into a game, right?”

“No, no! The party chat is separate from the team! You see, right now, your little icon is green. It’d be blue if you’re talking to the team!” 

“Ah … I see.” 

Ryan licked over his dried-out lips. “Are you having fun … ?” 

Since Eli had switched to an open microphone instead of push-to-talk, Ryan could hear even the quietest reaction. The little sigh he let out, and the long breath he took right after. But what followed, and how softly it rolled over Eli’s tongue, Ryan couldn’t handle at all. 

“Ryan.”

Suppressing his nervous chuckle, Ryan dropped his face into his hands, taking deeper breaths each and every time as they heated his hands. “Y-Yeah?” 

How could Eli’s voice be so sweet, after Ryan hadn’t heard it for days, after he was supposed to be annoyed, and angry at him? When he looked so depressed, his voice still remained pure bliss for Ryan’s ears? He felt guilty for how much he loved it.

“I’m sorry I slapped you … that day.” 

“… Huh?” Ryan perked up in his chair, ears sharpened, eyes bulging, and neither his ears, nor his mind could believe what he’d just heard. Elias … apologized? “No, but I—I mean, it didn’t hurt that much—Ah, well, it did, to be honest, it hurt really bad, but—but, I mean, I deserved it, so, uh, um—“

Ryan clenched his eyes shut, embarrassed by the obvious stutters his voice was dominated by. 

“You didn’t …” Eli began, sighing into his mic, and Ryan could only stare at Eli’s in-game name, only wishing he could see his face right now. “You didn’t deserve it. Not that hard, at least.” 

Goosebumps dominated Ryan from head to toe, and trembles tickled his breath as it left his lungs. He was about to lose his damn mind, because he was overjoyed, and remained confused nonetheless, unsure of how to proceed. 

Eli didn’t acknowledge Ryan’s feelings, seemed to want to pretend they didn’t exist, at all — but how could they ignore Ryan’s rumbling heart when Eli spoke to him so tenderly?