“You are probably wondering why the Buddha said life is suffering right?”

I was about to put the piece of tofu in my mouth. “No?”

“Well, let me tell you a story.”

There once was a zen master who was praised by his neighbors as a person living a pure life. In his neighborhood was a beautiful girl living with her parents. One day, without any warning, they discovered that she was with child. This made her parents furious. She would not say who the man was, but after much shouting and tears, finally said a name, Hakuin, the zen master. In great anger the parents went to the master. 

“Is that so?” Was all that he would say. 

The girl had a successful birth and the child was brought to Hakuin, by this time he had lost all his reputation, which did not trouble him. But he took very good care of the child, he obtained milk from his neighbours, and everything else the little one needed.

A year later the young mother could not tolerate it any longer. She told her parents the truth, that the real father of the child was a young man working in the fish market. The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask his forgiveness, to apologize at length and to get the child back again. Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child all he said was:

“Is that so?”

The monk finished his story. “Did you understand?”

I picked up a piece of sauteed mushroom. “Not really.”

“Hmm”, the monk hummed. “Is that so?”

***

I woke up laying in bed, did I pass out? Where’s Eric? I looked around and saw that it was the inn we had rented. My mom was sleeping on a chair by the bedside. This situation felt very familiar. Once again, I had made my mom sleep in that uncomfortable position. Sorry.

She opened her eyes as I fumbled around on the bed. 

“Oh, are you okay?” She immediately began fretting over me, taking my temperature with the back of her hand. “Good, no fever.” She nodded to herself.

“Mom, I feel fine.”

“Sorry Esther, but I really don’t believe you right now.” She looked concerned. “Who knows what would have happened if Eric wasn’t with you? Do you know how shocking it was when we saw him carrying you?” She patted my head. “What happened?” 

“Where’s Eric?” I saw my gloves on the nightstand.

“He left saying he had to go with his mother. They left yesterday for Barre.”

“Yesterday? What about the magic gate?” I needed to get ready quickly.

“Don’t you worry, we are extending our stay for another night.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Hush, you did nothing wrong.” She held me in her bosom. It felt nice. “Can you tell me what happened? Eric didn’t say much.”

“What did he say?”

“Just that he was ‘sorry’, did he do something to you?”

“Do you really think Eric would do something?”

“He seems like a good boy.”

“He is.” I told her what had happened yesterday. How I coincidentally met Eric, how we went around the city and found an interesting pair that we befriended. 

“Really?” She seemed surprised.

“What is it?”

“I can’t believe my sweet daughter is already experiencing love!” She looked exceedingly happy.

“What do you mean?” Love?

“You went on a date with Eric through the city!”

“It wasn’t a date…”

“Sure it was. It sounded lovely too.”

“Mom, it wasn’t like that.”

“Did you have fun?”

Did I have fun? I thought back on my memories. It had been fun until I, uh… got angry.

“Come here, there’s no need to be embarrassed.” She nuzzled against me. “Should I tell your father?”

“Mom, it wasn't a date.”

Father visited me with a concerned expression. But mom told him what happened yesterday and he got concerned for another reason. 

“That rascal…”

“Oh hush, he seems like a good boy.” 

“I need to talk with him when we get back.” I need to change the subject.

“What happened to the magic gate?”

“Oh right”, my father remarked, “we are leaving tomorrow morning. So you just rest for today, I’m grounding you.

“What?” 

“Who knows what would have happened to you if that rascal weren’t with you? We can’t have you sleeping on some boy’s back again. I don’t think I can have that scene happen again…”

“Your father is just worried about your health, sweetie.” Mom said as he scratched his chin.

She pulled out a book. “I bought you a souvenir.” 

“The memoirs in the Duchy.” It was a book written like someone's diary detailing the most popular spots one had to see. 

“This looks expensive…”

“You are supposed to say thank you,” Father said.

I smiled. “Thanks mom, I love it.”

I had read halfway through the book when my mom entered the room. The morning sun was now at its apex.

“Esther, are you expecting guests?”

“I don’t think so?”

“They look like the people you described earlier.”

Lavenza and Noel? How did they find me? Luckily my pyjamas had been changed earlier making me look well dressed enough to meet with them. Mom had insisted that even when loafing in the room all day, one should still clothe themselves. 

The inn doubled as both a place to sleep and to eat. On the second floor, guests could use the numerous rooms all lined up by the walls. And on the first floor, food could be ordered from the quaint diner. The innkeeper and his wife were the only two working the inn.

“What are you two doing here?” I asked the pair that sat at one of the tables. 

“Oh, what did I tell you, Noel? It was her mother.” Lavenza turned to the boy opposite her seat who let out a small exhale.

“How did you know?” I could feel my mom peeking from the second floor as I took a seat, joining their table. Lavenza turned to her direction then back at me. 

“You too look exactly the same!” She chirped happily. “Noel, look again!”

“Lavenza, you are being rude.”

“Oh.” She slumped her shoulders.

“So what are you two doing here, I don’t think I told you where I was staying at.”

“Eric told us to visit.”

She explained that after carrying me back, he had found the two of them strolling the markets telling them I got sick.

“Are you fine now? You left so abruptly yesterday…” Her eyes looked at the cup in her hands. “It’s my fault isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You looked fine before I tried to use divine magic. Did you become unwell from that?”

In some sense it did, however the real reason was that my emotions had run rampant. I don’t understand why I reacted that way, I just did. It didn’t feel good.

“I feel fine now.”

“I knew it. I can’t believe my powers could make someone sick. I’m so sorry, Esther...” She bowed her head.

Shivers went down my spine when I saw the two of them apologize, Noel had also bent his head. This must be how Lavenza felt when seeing the kneeling people.

“You shouldn’t bow your head that easily”, I said. “Aren’t you a noble?” Did they really need to look that dumbfounded? 

“How did you know?”

“It was obvious with your appearance”, I turned to Noel. “You even have a bodyguard protecting you.” 

Nobles never traveled alone, my father had said. It was to flaunt to the commoners that they were worth more. My mother argued back that they had to travel in a group because there were many angry and dangerous people willing to do anything, especially to noblewomen. She looked uncharacteristically angry when she told him that, to which my father had to reluctantly accept defeat. Lavenza looked flustered and Noel just sighed.

“It hasn’t even been that long before I got caught…”

“Do I have to call you Lady Lavenza now?” It rolled off nicely off the tongue.

“Ah! Don’t even think about it! Just call me like you usually do.”

“Yes, my lady.” I couldn’t help but chuckle seeing her blushing face.

“You’re surprisingly nonchalant about this, Esther”, Noel said. “Commoners are typically afraid to talk to nobles.”

“The noble ruling our town happens to be a not so scary person. You can often spot him in town talking to the townspeople.”

“Really? That’s unusual…” Lavenza added. 

“Oh, that’s right. My father is also a noble.” The two of them looked stunned. Nice I even managed to get Noel. “Which makes me a noble too. I think.” 

Lavenza was about to open her mouth when the door to the inn creaked open. It was my father.

“Are you out and walking about, Esther?” He walked up to our table. “You must be my daughter’s new friends, please take good care of her.” A handsome smile appeared in front of us. I didn’t notice this before, but he was rather tall. Standing half a head higher than even the tall Noel. His forearm muscles bulged, showing off well-defined veins as he held a bag. It looked heavy.

They turned to me, unsure what to say in this situation. I put my finger in front of my mouth.

“A-ah, yes! We will make sure to do that.” Her voice pitched weirdly.

“Of course”, Noel took a pause in his sentence, “sir.”

“Haha, you befriended some energetic kids again.” He patted my head. “Well, let me make myself scarce, you guys have fun.” The stairs creaked under the combined weight of my father and his bag full of stuff. 

Silence filled the room where only the three of us used. The other guests had already started their day or were sleeping in. 

“What!?” Lavenza exclaimed. “You’re a noble too?”

“I found out about a week ago.”

“So the reason you are visiting the Duchy is…”

“Yup, we're going to visit my grandfather.”

“Sounds complicated…” Lavenza threw herself over the table. “It’s not easy being a noble. I just want to have fun and travel,” she babbled.

“Interesting”, Noel said, “Is Eric a noble too?”

“Not everyone from our town is secretly a noble, you know?”

“Funny hearing that from you.”

Lavenza pulled herself back up. “Do we have to call you Lady Esther now too?”

“That sounds nice, I would prefer that.”

“I would rather not…”

“You can call me whatever you want, Lady Lavenza.”

“Stop calling me that!”

The two of them had initially wanted to only check up on me, however it had gotten pretty late when we finally found pause in our chatting. My mom suggested we eat together, she wanted to thank the guests for entertaining my day.

The diner was now filled up with dozens of people making the air in here a bit stifled but warm. It felt cozy in the late winter temperature. Mrs. Innkeeper was busily going to and fro deftly weaving between the tables and customers alike, in her hands dozens of dishes were stacked as she swooped up the empty plates and placed new ones in one motion. The steam coming from the dishes cooked by Mr. Innkeeper smelt delicious. 

“So you got grounded?” Lavenza asked while neatly spooning some steaming soup. Noel, sitting beside her, grabbed some bread with his hands and chomped on it, letting out a crispy crunching sound.

My mom told them that I was often feeling unwell and had to rest adequately. I had to spare some energy for the trip tomorrow.

“Wow, a magic gate. You should look forward to it, it's pretty amazing!”

“You have used one before?” My father asked.

“O-oh, I read about it in a book!”

“A book huh? Did you learn to read at the church?”

“The church?”

“You have healing powers right?” Mom answered instead. “Thank you for using it on our daughter, I don't know how to repay you.”

“It was nothing! Besides, it didn't work…”

“I see”, my father remarked. “She must have shown you two. Thank you for still being with her.” He looked sad.

“She’s been a good friend to us”, Noel said, nodding his head.

“Ho ho, you two really are respectful. Are you perhaps-” My mom smacked my fathers arm, sending him a silent stare before turning to them.

“You two must still be hungry, here have some more, doesn’t it taste better the more people there are?”

“It really does!” Lavenza nodded enthusiastically.

With the plates wiped clean and ample time had passed, Lavenza and Noel took their leave. She promised to say hello the next time we met and gave me her handkerchief. It felt soft beneath my gloves and a crest was embroidered in the corner. A white bird. I wondered what house she came from as I waved back at her shrinking image. Noel didn’t even look back once.

***

It was finally time as I checked my bag. Money, check. Lucky charm, check. Seeds from Eric, check. Half-eaten piece of bread, check. I threw that piece of bread as far as I could between the trees. Now I had to turn my bag upside down to get all the stupid crumbs out.

We stood in line waiting our turn to use the magic gate. I could hear it wobble as the surface of the building sized mirror warbled. It looked like the surface of a lake if it was constantly disturbed. 

“Name?” One of the magicians asked.

“Gale.”

“Last name?”

He went up to him and showed the token he had received from Raviel. It ensured anonymity and was only used by a select few high-ranking nobles.

“R-right this way, sir!”

“Want to hold my hand, Esther?” Mom reached out her hand which I accepted.

“It should feel like taking a swim, no need to be worried.”

“But father, I said. “I’ve never taken a swim before.”

“Oh right.”

I felt something push me as my body fell forwards into the shimmering surface.

“See you on the other side!” I heard my Gale say.