"Put that down. We are not buying a toaster oven."

"But the heating elements are fascinating," Selena argued, trying to hug the display model in the middle of the grocery store aisle.

"No," Freddie said, prying her fingers off the appliance. "We are here for one thing: bribes."

It had been three hours since the "Great Thong Incident" at the college campus. Freddie had aged approximately ten years in that time. He had considered leaving Selena at home, but the image of her getting bored and trying to 'optimize' the electrical wiring while he was gone was too terrifying.

Freddie threw another family-sized bag of spicy chips into the cart, right on top of a mountain of instant ramen cups.
"Who is this nutritional waste for?" Selena asked, eyeing the cart. "My database suggests this sodium level is lethal."

"It's for my cousin, Avery," Freddie sighed, pushing the cart toward the checkout. "She's... well, she's the person we should have gone to on the first night. If anyone can understand how a digital waifu became a physical headache, it's her."

They stood in the hallway of a dim apartment complex that smelled faintly of boiled cabbage. Freddie knocked on door 3B.

Silence.

"I detect heat signatures inside," Selena whispered. "Shall I breach the door?"
"No kicking!" Freddie hissed. He knocked again, louder. "Avery! Open up! I know you're in there!"

"Go away!" a muffled voice shrieked from inside. "I'm in a raid boss battle! He has three million HP left!"

"I have the spicy beef flavor!" Freddie shouted at the wood. "And the limited edition cheesy puffs!"

There was a pause. Then, the sound of three deadbolts unlocking in rapid succession. The door creaked open.
Avery stood there, blinking against the hallway light like a vampire exposed to the sun. She was twenty years old but looked about twelve. She had pale, translucent skin that hadn't seen UV rays since the Obama administration, and a mop of dingy orange hair that looked like it had been styled by a ceiling fan. Her wire-frame glasses were so big and round they took up 80% of her face, magnifying her eyes into anime proportions.

"Did you bring the chopsticks?" Avery demanded, not even looking at his face. "I'm out of clean ones."

"Yes, I brought chopsticks. Can we come in?"

"Fine, but make it quick. The Gacha Lords update drops in ten minutes and I need to pull for the new SSR unit or I will literally die." She turned around, shuffling back into the darkness in her oversized kitty-cat slippers. "Wait, who's the normie with you? If she touches my figurines, I will end her bloodline."
Avery spun around and finally looked at Selena.

She froze. Her mouth dropped open. She squinted through her thick lenses, then gasped.

"No way," Avery breathed. "No. Freaking. Way. Is that... Sassy_Selena_247?"
"Affirmative," Selena smiled politely. "Hello, user Avery."

"GET IN HERE!" Avery grabbed Freddie by the collar and yanked him inside, dragging Selena in with her other hand and slamming the door.

Avery's apartment was a shrine to 2D culture. Posters covered every inch of the walls, shelves were overflowing with plastic figures, and three different computer monitors were glowing in the corner.

"Talk. Now," Avery commanded, pacing back and forth. "How? Is this a cosplay? A prank? Did you hire a stripper that looks like her?"

"It's not a prank," Freddie said, rubbing his neck. "There was a storm. A power surge. Lightning hit the transformer, my computer exploded, and then... she crawled out of the screen. Like in The Ring, but with less water damage."
"Bullcrap," Avery scoffed. "That's physically impossible. The molecular reconstruction alone would require-"
"She's real, Avery!" Freddie shouted. "Touch her if you don't believe me!"
Avery stopped pacing. She looked at Selena with intense scientific curiosity. "Touch her?"

"Yes! Just poke her arm or something!"
Avery reached out. But instead of poking Selena's arm, her hand shot out with the speed of a viper and honked Selena's left breast.

Whack.

In a blur of motion, Selena pivoted on her heel and delivered a pristine roundhouse kick to Avery's chest. Avery flew backward, crashing into a pile of plushies.

"Hostile action detected," Selena stated calmly, lowering her leg.

Freddie panicked. "Selena! No kicking the shut-in!"

He ran over to the pile of plushies. "Avery! Are you okay?"

Avery sat up, adjusting her crooked glasses. A massive grin spread across her face. "That... was... awesome."

"What?" Freddie blinked.

"That impact!" Avery squealed, scrambling to her feet. "The velocity! The sheer disdain in her eyes! She's definitely a Tsundere type! Oh my god, Freddie, she's actually real!"

Avery began circling Selena, muttering fast enough to rap. "Look at the skin texture. High fidelity. Zero polygon edges. The hair physics are incredible. Freddie, you lucky bastard."

Selena preened, flipping her hair. "See, Freddie? This is the appropriate user response. Avery has excellent taste."

"Okay, focus!" Freddie snapped, clapping his hands. "Avery, stop drooling. We need answers. Sit down."

Avery sat cross-legged on her beanbag chair, finally in "Serious Mode."

"Okay," she said, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Tell me everything. Don't leave out a single frame."

Freddie began to recount the story in agonizing detail-the chat log, the storm, the specific way the monitor sparked.
While the "nerds" were talking, Selena grew bored. Her eyes wandered to the grocery bag Freddie had dropped on the coffee table. Her stomach gave a strange rumble-a new sensation she had identified as 'fuel depletion.'

She reached into the bag and pulled out a styrofoam cup of instant ramen. She mimicked what she had seen on the packaging. She ripped the lid off (spilling dried veggies everywhere), found a half-empty water bottle on Avery's desk, poured it in, and then looked around.
"Heat source," she mumbled.

She saw Avery's high-end gaming PC tower, which was humming loudly and venting hot air. Selena placed the cup directly onto the exhaust vent of the graphics card.

"And then the lights flickered and..." Freddie stopped. "Selena, what are you doing?"

"Preparing fuel," Selena announced. She grabbed the cup. It wasn't fully cooked, but it was lukewarm and soggy. "Consumption initiated."

She tipped the cup back and shoveled a massive amount of noodles and broth into her mouth.

The silence lasted one second.
Then, the delay caught up. The lukewarm water was actually scalding hot from the PC exhaust.

"ERROR! ERROR!" Selena screamed. "THERMAL BREACH IN THE ORAL SECTOR! FIRE! THERE IS FIRE IN THE SYSTEM!"

She dropped the cup, splashing noodle soup all over Avery's carpet. She began running in circles, knocking over a stack of manga, then grabbed a throw pillow and tried to shove it into her mouth to put out the 'fire.'

"Selena! Spit it out!" Freddie yelled, chasing her.

"MY SENSORS ARE MELTING!" She crashed into the curtains, pulling them down rod and all.

Avery watched the destruction of her living room with mild horror. "My limited edition wall scroll..."

It took five minutes, a glass of cold milk, and a lot of soothing words to calm her down.

"You have to blow on it," Freddie explained, demonstrating with a pretend fork. "It's hot. Hot hurts. You know this now?"

Selena nodded tearfully, her tongue sticking out. "The consumables fight back in this world. I hate it here."
Once the apartment was somewhat put back together, Freddie turned to his cousin.

"So?" Freddie asked, desperate. "You've seen the anime. You've played the games. How do we fix this? How do I put her back?"

Avery blinked. "Put her back?"
"Yes! Look at her! She just tried to eat a pillow! I can't take care of her! Is there a code? A ritual? Do we need to find a wizard?"

Avery leaned back, popping a cheesy puff into her mouth. "Yeah, I don't have a clue."

Freddie stared at her. "What?"
"I'm not that kind of nerd, Freddie," Avery shrugged. "I play dating sims and collect plastic toys. I don't know quantum physics or dimensional magic. I barely passed algebra."

Freddie put his head in his hands. "I'm doomed. I'm actually doomed."

"Dude, don't look a gift horse in the mouth," Avery said, pointing a cheesy finger at him. "You have an extremely beautiful, literal dream girl sitting there. She's devoted to you. Sure, she has the social intelligence of a toddler and the destructive capabilities of a tank, but look at her!"

Freddie and Avery turned to look at the couch.

Selena had retrieved the fallen ramen cup. She had shoveled another mouthful in, but hadn't swallowed yet. A clump of noodles hung from her lips, dripping broth onto her chin. She noticed them staring, her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk.

She smiled brightly, noodles wiggling, and gave a little wave.
Freddie groaned, clutching his forehead as a tension headache bloomed behind his eyes.

Avery sighed dreamily, clutching her chest. "God, she's so majestic."