Terry pulled Thunder to a stop in a vacant lot in the bend in the road. He looked down the street. It wasn’t particularly long, had houses on only one side, and there were only four total between the stop sign they’d passed and the end of the road. The one closest to the sign had an old man living in it who watched them from the porch. When they’d gotten off the scooters, he’d headed inside. The other three houses looked completely abandoned.

Delores checked the compass and started walking down the road, watching the needle. Terry followed behind with Elton bringing up the rear with his tablet. Elton started speaking quietly and Terry had to strain to hear him. Finally he spoke up.

“So, not to tell you how to hero, but when you go in can you belt out a catchphrase? Maybe a battle cry?”

Terry turned to stare at Elton as if he was suddenly spraying tater-tots from his eyeballs.

“WHAT?”

Elton looked up.

“I mean, if you can’t think of anything right now, it’s fine. I can help you workshop something and we can edit it into the chronicles later.”

Terry continued to stare waiting for the tater-tots to stop their avalanche.

“What?” Elton said.

“Dude, that is NOT how this works.”

Elton just sighed.

“Alright. Your funeral.”

Terry shook his head and trotted to catch up with Delores.

“Did you hear that? He wants me to develop a catchphrase!”

She looked up at him, having been distracted.

“Hmmm? Oh. Catchphrase? You should just yell cowabunga and see how he reacts.”

Terry nearly tripped and started laughing. He had to cover his mouth. He knew they were close to their target. He looked up and saw Delores had caught a case of the giggles from him. She passed her hand over her face and adopted a stern expression that he didn’t buy for a moment.

“We,” she said “are supposed to be professionals on a job here.”

“And you are the one telling me to quote anthropomorphic turtles.”

She stopped, put her hands on her hips, and looked to the sky tapping her foot.

“I swear. Farm boys. Bane of my existence.” She thumbed at the house directly behind her. “There. Assuming we haven’t given them time to run into the woods back there and hide.”

Terry nodded grinning at her and strode toward the house. As he did, he pulled his blade from it’s pocket in his coat and held it down and away from himself.

“WHOA!” Delores shouted and ran next to him. “I thought you said you were going to ask them questions!”

“That’s the plan.” He said. “They don’t know the plan. I have to be prepared.”

He looked at her.

“I promise, no violence is going to start because of me.”

She grabbed his arm and pulled him up short.

“I. . . I trust you. But I’m asking you, as your partner, please don’t go in with the sword out. You’re asking for exactly what you don’t want.”

Terry studied her face for a long moment. Something inside him was screaming for him to listen. She was right. He nodded once and sheathed his blade.

“Thank you, D.”

She pushed him toward the house and smiled at him.

“Again, farm boys.”

Terry continued his walk to the house, this time with his hands in his pockets. He smiled to himself as he took the two steps to the porch. He liked Delores. Beyond the thoughts that clouded his mind when he looked at her, he legitimately was finding her to be a good person. She'd seemed cynical when they'd met, but she was a bit less jaded now.

He stopped and gave three sharp knocks at the door and heard dozens of feet shuffle away inside. Somewhere at the back of the house he heard the sound of things being thrown. It sounded violent. He took a step back and braced himself to ram his shoulder into the old, wooden door when it opened and a small goblin girl stood there.

The girl, as goblins go, couldn’t be very old. She was a broodling at best. Terry relaxed his posture and knelt to get closer to eye level. He heard more smashing coming from deeper in the house.

“Hi,” he said putting on a calm smile, “my name’s Terry. Is everything ok?”

The goblinette shook her head. He could see a mass of frighted goblins of various ages behind her cowering.

“Is a fight. King Runt’s in trouble. Can you help?”

Good Lord, Terry thought, these little guys are adorable. He gave her a slow nod.

“I’ll do everything I can.”

The little girl opened the door and stepped aside. He walked into the living room to the second door on his left where he could hear something hitting the walls. He prepared to kick the door in and start swinging fists when the door burst outward on its own and Terry was hit in the chest with an airborne goblin.
The goblin was older than the others. Wrinkled, had long gray hair, and appeared to have a crumpled Burger King crown on his head. Terry had instinctively caught the thing in his arms and found himself cradling it and turning it away from the door.

The goblin shook its head, looked up at Terry, and attempted to straighten its crown.

“DUDE!” it shouted. “You gotta help! That bear is a damned dynamo!”

Terry gave the goblin, King Runt, she’d said? He gave King Runt a confused look and quietly crept to the door and took a look inside. Children’s furniture was smashed all over and there were large dents in the drywall. There was a very unfortunate looking goblin lying in a corner and a girl standing in the center of the room with her arms crossed. By her feet sat a teddy bear with a distinctive smile on its face. Terry recognized it from the shelves at Wally World. He looked at the goblin in his arms.

“That bear?”

“It’s got a hell of a left hook, man.”

He looked back in. He set the king down and he scampered over to his people trying to calm them. Terry stepped into the room.

“Sara?” he asked.

“Yes. Are you a knight?” she asked. She grinned at him and bounced up and down on her toes.

Terry found himself grinning back. He hadn’t thought of that. A little girl being kidnapped by goblins rescued by a literal “knight” in armor? What kid wouldn’t be excited at the prospect?

“Yes’m.” He said, bowing. “Can you tell me what happened here?”

Sara put her hands on her hips.

“I asked repeatedly for several amenities that Shmoofy said were required for a hostage situation but King Runt kept making excuses. Then Shmoofy got angry and hit Lenny. And he LIKED Lenny.”

Terry blinked.

“The heck is a Shmoofy? Is that your bear?”

“Yes, sir. He’s very particular about legalities.”

Terry leaned out of the room so he could see the still open front door.

“DEEEEE!” he shouted, flinching when the mass of goblins jumped. “I KINDA NEED YA!”

Delores had taken Thunder and was driving Sara back to her house to reunite her with her parents. Elton was sitting on the porch and typing up something. Terry came out of the house followed by Runt. The goblin looked like he’d lost all hope and Terry felt miserable. He took a seat on the porch next to Elton and stared across the street watching the wind blow the leaves. For a moment he caught a face in the branches and now he knew it for what it was.

“Not a great story so far?” he asked Elton.

The bard shrugged.

“Depends on the ending. Even the slow stories can have a happy ending in there.”

Runt didn’t so much sit on Terry’s other side as fall on his bottom. He looked at Terry before he spoke.

“I guess this is it, huh? Do YOU slaughter us, or is there somewhere they haul us and they do that behind closed doors.”

Terry’s heart sank at that.

“Why don’t you tell me why you kidnapped the girl before we make any rash decisions.”

Runt leaned his elbows on his knobby knees and sighed. He seemed to see things in the leaves as well. He tilted his head as if listening for something. Finally he nodded.

“We’re not from here.” He said. “We came from the Everywhen. We’re not your local breed. Where we come from things are, well, different.”

He looked up at Terry again.

“Know much about the Everywhen?”

Terry shook his head.

“Not really.”

“Well, it’s different. But we’re stuck in certain roles there. I got tired of mine. The brood got tired of it. Adventurers and soldiers every few weeks showing up and wiping out a generation of our people.”

“Jesus” Elton said from Terry’s other side. He should have guessed the man would be listening.

The goblin shrugged.

“Anyone can approach the court in Tir-Na-Nog and ask for a Sending. Humans, goblins, trolls. There’s other ways too, but it’s best to get the blessing of the court.”

Terry looked at Elton who had stopped writing and was suddenly laser focused on the little monarch.

“You came here to start over, didn’t you?” the bard asked.

Runt nodded and scowled.

“Yeah. We found ourselves here, out in the kudzu, and found a restaurant in town that was really, REALLY old. It felt like back home. Me, Lenny, and Talwick decided to approach the old woman that owned it and she said she needed staff so she hired us.

Terry found himself grinning. He loved the idea. A tavern here in the wide world staffed by mostly goblins? Who wouldn’t eat there? Elton interrupted his thoughts. And ruined them.

“That’s the one we passed that’s out of business, right?”

Terry felt his shoulders slump. Of course.

“Yep.” Was all the goblin said for a moment. He took a deep breath.

“We learned there’s two kinds of people around here. The people obsessed with keeping your ‘Old South’ alive, and liars.”

Terry nodded.

“I’m not sure that applies to everyone, but I’m sure from what has happened that I’m in no position to argue. Please keep going.”

“She got all of us blackballed. Man, you wouldn’t believe the crap she said about us. At work it was all smiles and “Yes’m” and “thank you”. Behind closed doors?”

The goblin made a tiny fist and it shook, but he seemed to lose the energy and let it drop.

Elton shook his head.

“I’ve seen this before. A lot of racism with us humans has evaporated in the last fifty years, but that’s mostly because of you poor sods. Everyone else just found someone lower on the totem pole.”

Runt gave a mirthless chuckle.

“Yeah. And now we’re starving.”

“What?!” Terry hopped to his feet and turned to face the goblin. He ran a hand through his hair.

The goblin looked at him confused. Terry wasn’t surprised after the goblin's first question to him. He'd run out of hope that they were going to see the next sunrise.

“We’re starving man. My whole family worked in that place and now we can’t get jobs. Everyone says we’re thieves and filthy.”

Terry realized he was making a fist now. He looked around and, of course, there was nothing to fight. Nothing he could punch would solve this. Instead he stooped over to get on eye level with King Runt. He looked him directly in the eyes and tried to clear the rage he felt as he spoke.

“First, I am going to get you guys something to eat with Elton. We’re not turning you in to anyone. You didn’t start this. This is not your fault.”

The goblin stared at him with his over-sized yellow eyes and seemed to not know what to do.

“Second, I don’t care what I have to do, I will try and solve this problem for you. I don’t care if I have to move you all myself to another town.”

The goblin finally blinked and turned to Elton.

“Where in the nine hells did you find this guy?”

“He claims Raymond.” The bard said.

Terry stood back up and dusted his hands. He had the beginnings of a plan. He had no idea what the part after buying the food was going to be but surely between him, D, and Elton they could figure something out.

“Elton, I need a ride into town before everything closes.”