Ballad told me he couldn’t actually tell me a lot before I had shown that I was trustworthy, which was not all that surprising.

But somehow, I was still a bit surprised, as I had assumed it was this sort of carelessness that had gotten them killed in my previous life. That was, trusting the wrong people.

He told me he would get back to me with a test of some sort from his ‘friend’ in a few days, and to simply do as I had already planned in the meantime. Mainly, stay on relatively good terms with Sir Raven, not get into trouble and keep my head low.

After that, I did not see much of Ballad or Song. I knew they had their duties to tend to, and I had lessons with Sir Raven.

I suppose Ballad might have woken me, had I stayed asleep long enough for him to do so, but as per my initial plan, I had decided it was better to avoid them as much as possible in case they got found out before they got back to me with a test.

Not that I liked the thought of that, but I had too many things at stake here, and did not need more problems.

I also was not strong enough to protect anyone as I was. Not even myself. If The Fourth Prince decided to deem me a traitor and discard me, I would not be able to do anything to stop it.

I was utterly powerless as I was now.

But that was exactly why I had decided to come back here.

The lessons with Sir Raven were not quite as intense as I had remembered them to be, or maybe I had just gotten used to much worse.

We started out with basic writing, where I was to copy documents he gave me, and read them aloud as I went.

I figured it would be best to pretend I couldn’t read, and sounded each letter out slowly but surely as he went through each of them with me. I did not get anything wrong, and thus did not get any punishments, which Sir Raven seemed to be a bit conflicted about.

He was not necessarily a violent man. From my understanding of him, he more so enjoyed other people's fear of him.

When I was his shadow in my past life, I noticed more and more how one of the corners of his mouth would go up just the slightest bit, when he saw someone stop in their tracks at the sight of him, or hold their breath when he talked to them.

It seemed to be the threat of violence hanging in the air, that he made the most use of, rather than the act itself.

So, while I indeed still had fear lingering within me, having been ingrained into me, I was less afraid than I was in my past life, where everything had been unknown. I knew what could happen. I knew I would come out stronger for it. I knew I would one day kill him.

The more time I spent with him, the more I noticed that I was not actually afraid of him as much as I was afraid of making a mistake here, getting discovered as a traitor and failing The Sixth Prince again.

And I was sure Sir Raven could feel that subtle difference of fear in me, which he was not happy about.

But, he also couldn’t punish me when I did flawless work.

He had a sort of pride in his teachings, so he could not punish failure if there were none.

Which is why I knew that if I didn’t make some kind of mistake at some point, he might explode.

I decided to make a mistake one day, where his mood seemed rather neutral. He didn’t seem too happy, nor too annoyed or mad. Either extreme would make whatever punishment he dealt out so much worse, so this was the most opportune time. Not that I was looking forward to it, either way.

“Do you understand, boy?” Sir Raven asked, voice sharp, but not with much emotion behind it. I shortly wondered if this was how I sounded to people, if I had picked up even his way of speech without realizing, but did not have time to ponder much.

“I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t…” I said. To my ears it did not sound like a lie, but Sir Raven looked at me with suspicion. As if he didn’t entirely believe me.

“What exactly do you not understand?” He asked, rather than punishing me immediately. My childish body betrayed me and made my eyes grow wide in surprise at this, my mouth stammering out some sounds. I was not sure what I was actually trying to say.

“Do not stutter, boy,” Sir Raven said, putting more force in his voice, but not more volume. It sounded menacing and I did not like the turn it had taken. I was directly seeking punishment, yes, but the lighter kind. I still needed to stay in his good graces for whatever test I was brought later. I couldn’t afford to make any big mistakes.

“I apologise, Sir,” I said, voice clear and answer immediate. He calmed a tiny bit down at this, but his eyes still looked at me in a way that made me regret what I had done. I wanted to take it back, but it was too late. I would only appear more suspicious.

“So, what exactly do you not understand, boy?” He asked again. I knew he hated repeating himself. 

He was testing me. That was the only reason I could come up with.

I thought back to my previous life, trying to gather all the pieces I knew about him, wanting to put together what exactly was happening before I answered.

What was different this time around? Why did he not immediately punish me?

The only thing I could think of was that unlike my first life, where I had made mistakes from the start, this was my first mistake in this life. I had already been far ahead compared to where he thought I would be.

Had I misread the signs? Was the conflicted looks he gave me actually something else? Something entirely different? And in that case, what could it be?

I thought as hard as I could. He looked at me, but didn’t demand an immediate answer. Was he waiting for something?

Was this…

Yes, it was. He was testing me.

He had only started testing me in this way after I had taken more of his lessons the last time, but this sensation was different yet familiar. The oppressing air, the sharp tone, the repeated question.

What exactly do I not understand?

He clearly looked for a specific answer.

In my last life, he tested me on reading people, on lying my way out of situations, of manipulating words in my favor, on gathering information and extracting it.

So which one of those, if any, applied to this situation?

Well, what I needed most right now was information. Information leading to the correct answer.

It was the only lead I had, so I resolved myself, and asked “I do not understand enough of the subject to point out any one thing I do not understand, Sir.”

“Hmph,” he said in response, but did not punish me. Was that correct? It was essentially admitting that I understood absolutely nothing, even though I did. But pointing to any one specific thing would indicate I had understood enough about the subject to be able to split it into parts and dive deeper into the subject, which would expose my lie.

So… Playing the fool was all I could do, until he gave me a more direct out.

“You do not have much pride, boy,” Sir Raven said after silence had taken its turn, “good. You do not need it.”

He waved towards the door, indicating for me to leave.

Whatever had actually happened today, I had gotten out of it, somehow.

Pride.

I did not have any. I would play the fool to reach my ends, I would be a tool without questioning the hands I had allowed to hold me.

Pride…

I left after bowing and saying goodbye to Sir Raven. I had failed my little personal mission, but had gained something I hadn’t thought about at all.

Sir Raven had expectations of me, way earlier than he did last time.

Which meant, or at least I would assume it meant, that he would accelerate my training.

Which meant, I would not have to wait long until I was given my sword.

I could maybe finally become a useful tool.