BRRRRIIINNNNGGGGGGGG

“Alright, everyone, that's the bell. The work packets we handed out today are due Tuesday, test next Thursday.” My announcement was greeted by a round of long, tortured groans. “I know, tests are the worst. We don’t have to take them, I’ll just see you all in summer school.”

“NO!!!!” the class yelled.

“Alright then, packets Tuesday, test Thursday. Have a great day everyone!”

​I waved at my students as they filed out of the classroom. There was something rewarding about seeing them walking out of my classroom as they waved and thanked me for the great lesson. Once they were all gone, I opened my laptop and prayed for good news as I checked my email.

Ms. Danille Loughty,

We thank you for taking the time to interview for the mathematics teaching position at Westerly Preparatory School. Unfortunately…

​ I shut my laptop with a sigh. I didn’t need to see anymore. They could have at least called me into the office to reject me. I got my teaching credentials last year and I’ve been applying for full-time positions everywhere, but to no avail. You would think that working at the same school as a part-time teacher you did your student teaching program would give you a leg up in a position at that school. Unfortunately, Westerly Prep doesn’t seem to think the same.

After reading that email, I was glad my last class was cancelled since the kids are on a field trip. Leaving early sounds perfect right now. I guess I can use that time to look for yet another part-time job. If I don’t, I’ll be living paycheck to paycheck with the bare minimum in my fridge again.

​ Money’s been tight ever since my ex-boyfriend moved out. My parents and brothers all warned me not to move in with him, but I just brushed them off as being old-fashioned and over-protective. I wish I’d listened. For three years, I did everything he asked me to. I tended to his every need, every whim…every desire. I should have known something was wrong when he started coming home late or when his “grandma” was always sick so he had to be gone for a few days. She was old, so I didn’t think much of it at the time. He slowly distanced himself, but I just told myself he was tired from work. In the end, I caught him with another woman. He called me clingy and said he was tired of supporting me. He played on my insecurities and made me feel small…and I just took it. It would have hurt less if he had actually hit me, because his words were sharper than any knife.

I was able to keep the apartment because it was in my name, so the day he moved out my oldest brother came to “supervise” the move. My ex is just lucky my other two brothers didn’t show up. They’re extremely protective of me because I’m not just the baby, but I’m the only girl in the family. They’ve helped me out when I was in between part-time jobs, but I can’t rely on them forever.

​ This rejection was just another twist of the knife. I sighed as I packed up my belongings and headed to the nearby coffee shop to meet my best friend. I spotted her at a table at the far end of the shop and made my way to her, accidentally bumping into someone on my way over to her.

“My apologies,” he mumbled as he continued on.

“It’s ok,” I replied, but he was already out of ear shot.

I glanced back at the tall man in the red plaid shirt and jeans. His pitch-black hair poked out from underneath his baseball cap. He had broad shoulders and lightly tanned muscular arms from what was showing under his rolled-up sleeves. As he walked out the door and turned the corner, the sun shone behind him, preventing me from getting a good look at his face. But I could see the corner of his mouth curled upward in a smile. There was something about it that made my heart race. Has it been so long that I’m getting excited over this man’s build and half a smile? For a moment, I considered trying to get a better look at him, but my best friend interrupted my thoughts.

“Dani! Why are you just standing there?” Cami asked.

I turned my head to face my friend and by the time I looked back, the man was already gone. Maybe it was for the best. It’s been a year and a half since I broke up with my ex, but I probably shouldn’t get involved with another man until I’m a little more stable.

“Sorry,” I apologized with a smile, “I bumped into someone and I was just apologizing.”

“It looked like you were staring a hole into the back of his head,” Cami remarked.

“Y-you saw?”

“Of course I did. That man had a back as broad as the Pacific Ocean! And did you see that ass and those arms? I bet he would do terrible, unspeakable things to a woman. I mean terribly satisfying and unspeakable because you’d lose your voice from screaming his name.”

“Cami!”

“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t think about it.” We walked over to the table my friend had been waiting for me at and sat across from each other.

“I didn’t even see his face.”

“Dani, I didn’t realize you were so superficial.”

“Superficial? Weren’t you just talking about his body?”

Cami shrugged and handed me a coffee cup. “Here, I got your coffee already.”

“Thanks. When’s your next class?”

“I don’t have to be back until sixth period thanks to the field trip. They need more of them so we can have longer lunches.”

​I’ve known Cami Jordan since I was in middle school. She is, was and always will be a wild child. Her brown hair was full of untamable curls and she had a look in her eyes that let people know she was not to be messed with. Honestly, she scared me at times, but I know she’s really a sweet person. Crazy, but utterly sweet. I’m glad we work together at Westerly, otherwise I don’t think I’d be able to survive that place. The kids are great, but some of the other teachers lack manners – specifically my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.

“That idiot PE teacher still giving you a hard time?” Cami asked as she sipped her coffee.

“I’ve done a decent job avoiding him, but his girlfriend is another story,” I sighed. “We’re in the same department so I run into her every now and then. It’s unavoidable when we have department meetings. She’ll make comments, but I just ignore her.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I can’t believe they let someone so shameless be an educator. I mean, let your freak flag fly if you want, but stealing a co-worker’s man who is also a co-worker? That’s just trashy.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. They’re not worth wasting a single breath over.”

“You’re a better person than me, Dani,” Cami sighed. “I don’t understand how he can cheat on a woman as beautiful as you.”

I let out a sigh. I loved that she built me up, but I know I lack in many ways. Not just physically, but I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with. For months after my ex left me, I wondered what I had done wrong. What about me was so unbearable that I managed to chase this man who tried so hard to get me away?

 “Can we talk about something else?” I pleaded.

“Sorry. Did you hear back about the full-time position?” I looked away and shook my head. “I just keep striking out don’t I? I’m sorry. You deserved that post more than anyone. Everyone loves you, especially the kids.”

“There’s plenty of more qualified teachers with much more experience out there than me. I just need to put in more time.”

“Well, I think I might have some good news for you.” Cami reached into her bag and pulled out a flier. “The school board is talking about starting a robotics program for the STEM program kids. The head of the math department and the principal said they’re going to suggest you for the full-time position. All you would need to do is get up to speed with the latest robotics software and programs. Luckily, they have some open courses at a local college. They’re night classes too so it won’t interfere with any of your jobs.”

I sighed as I glanced at the flyer on the table. Can I learn robotics in time to apply? I could find full time work, but it would be out of this district. Am I willing to be that far from my family? I’d have to find a new place in a new city away from my friends and family. That’s part of being an adult though, right? I’ve just never been alone before. 

“It’ll be some time before they start the program since they decided to expand the arts hall first,” Cami explained. “They’ll give you the position if you commit, but they can’t wait forever.”

“I’ll think about it,” I replied. I folded the flyer and tucked it away in my purse.

There’s no doubt in my mind that this will be a good opportunity. I’d finally get the full-time position I have been working so hard toward. I’ll have ample time to study and get the credentials I’ll need, but will I have the funds? College courses aren’t free or cheap. I could apply for financial aid, but it won’t cover everything. I already work two part-time jobs to survive, and I’ll likely need to get another to pay for the classes I need. Can I really spread myself that thin? I could always just wait and pray I find full-time work soon. 

Cami and I chatted over coffee for the next hour. She complained about her latest fling and how she was thinking of ending things with him. She casually brought up how she wished my brothers were single and how we could have been in-laws if one were. As if one of my brothers could handle a woman like Cami Jordan. They’re all far too conservative to put up with her antics. I walked her back to the school once we were done, waving her off as we reached the entrance to the school.

“They told you today? That’s so awesome, Sara!” I heard someone say.

I froze when I heard the name. Sara Collum was a fellow math teacher and the woman my ex Lance was caught cheating on me with and currently dating. As if I hadn’t been bummed enough that I didn’t get the position, it stung more knowing I had lost out to her. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the conversation.

“I should say I’m so surprised, but I’m really not,” Sara laughed. “It’s not like I had much competition.”

Deep breath, Dani. Deep breath. Sara knew I applied for the full-time position, which is why she applied for it as well.

“Sar, isn’t that…” Sara’s friend whispered to her.

“It is. And?” Sara snarked. “She applied too. Like I said. No competition.”

I clenched my jaw and ignored that little devil on my shoulder telling me to turn around and beat the snot out of that self-righteous bi…no. Danielle Loughty, get a hold of yourself. She wants to piss you off. If you react, she wins.

Instead, I turned around with a fake smile on my face. “Oh Ms. Collum, you got the full-time position?” I asked in the fakest voice I could muster without sounding pissed. “Congratulations.”

“Why thank you, Ms. Loughty,” Sara replied with an equally fake smile. “I heard you went for the position as well, I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. Better luck next time, right?”

“Right.” We both let out a superficial laugh that trailed off awkwardly.

Neither of us meant anything we were saying. We didn’t wish each other well or hope for the best. We hated each other. If I had or wanted something, Sara had to have it. I can’t believe I was ever friends with her.

“Babe!”

A shiver went down at the sound of his voice. I’d done a good job at avoiding both of them for months, so why now of all days do I have the shittiest luck? I didn’t move an inch as his footsteps got closer. I remained still as a statue when he ran up to Sara and pulled her into a hug. I’d been doing a decent job hiding my distaste, but I couldn’t hold back my annoyance now.

“I heard you got the job,” Lance said gleefully. “I knew you’d get it!”

“Thank you, babe,” Sara grinned. She was putting more emphasis on ‘babe’ than necessary to irritate me.

“We should go out and celebrate! Do you guys want to…”

He trailed off when he turned around and realized I was standing behind him. His ecstatic expression quickly disappeared, replaced by one of confusion and slight irritation.

“Don’t be rude, Lance,” Sara said smugly. “Liz and Ms. Loughty, would you like to join us?”

“Oh, um, sure,” Liz, Sara’s friend, replied awkwardly.

“Unfortunately, I’ll have to decline,” I said as nicely as I could. “I already have plans.”

“Oh, are you going out on a date?” Sara asked. She slipped her hand into Lance’s and hugged his arm as if I needed a reminder that he was hers.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to slap that stupid look off her face. Like she won something by stealing him away. She could have that lousy cheater.

“Are you seeing someone?” Lance asked. His expression confused me. He looked like he was offended at the thought of me dating someone else. Seriously? This jerk…

“I’m going to see my parents,” I clarified, not that I needed to.

His face seemed relieved, but Sara’s was filled with rage. I don’t blame her. He was acting jealous about the idea of his ex-girlfriend dating while he was holding his current girlfriend’s hand.

“Yea, well, I’m gonna go,” I said as I started backing away. “Have fun at your dinner.”

I turned around quickly and headed toward my car. I didn’t need to look back to know that Sara’s face was red with anger. She had been spending the last several months convincing people that she and Lance didn’t mean to fall for each other. It had just “happened”. People aren’t stupid. He had been dating me for three years, two of which we lived together. They knew that he was a cheater and she was very aware he was dating me when they got involved. I keep saying it doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. But in the reality of it all, it still hurts like hell. I loved him, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And that’s what kills me.