My evening English class ended about twenty minutes ago, and Bastien had offered to walk with me home. On any other night, I would have cherished that, but I knew Ace was waiting for him at home, and I needed some space from that. I needed to give them space.

Ace was going back to Haverford after the weekend, and I didn’t want to get in the way of the two of them getting the most from that time. I had incredibly mixed emotions about Ace leaving, and Transatlanticism was my distraction from processing them.

My shoes scuffed against the sidewalk, hands buried in my pockets. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t warm either. One of those in-between nights where everything felt in stasis. Dean’s hoodie blocked the wind from reaching me, but it couldn’t block the disquiet in my mind.

When the diner’s neon sign came into view, I almost didn’t go in. It felt weird. Too obvious. Too familiar. But my feet kept moving.

The bell above the door gave a soft ring. Lily looked up from behind the counter, where she was wiping down menus and humming to the playlist that repeated most nights over the speakers.

"Hey there, hon. Didn’t think I’d see you here on your day off," she said with a small smile.

I shrugged, sliding onto a stool at the counter. "I’m not really sure how I got here. I was just walking and didn’t want to go home yet."

Lily set the menus aside and leaned on the counter, surprised and showing a hint of concern. "You okay?"

I nodded, but it was the kind of nod that meant no.

She didn’t push. Just grabbed two mugs, poured coffee, and set one in front of me. "You want quiet or company?"

I glanced at her. "Company, I think."

We sat for a while, sipping coffee and listening to the low rumble of the fridge and the distant sound of an ambulance getting closer. The diner was quiet, with four two-tops and a four-top occupied. It looked like Lily and Tom were the only waiters tonight.

Eventually, I spoke. "Bastien’s boyfriend is going back to school after the weekend. Ace. He’s been really nice, but I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad that he’s leaving. Can you be both at the same time?"

Lily nodded slowly as she took a sip of coffee from her cup. "When you have kids, you’ll feel that way almost every day of your life."

"That sounds… scary." I traced the rim of the mug with one finger. "Bastien, Jess, and Ace have known each other forever. When they’re together, it’s like autopilot. Everything clicks. I kind of feel like I’m watching the Three Musketeers or something."

Lily watched me carefully. "And that bothers you?"

"No. Not that they’re close. That’s great. But Ace’s leaving so soon. I don’t want to get in the way." I would have given anything to have more time with Dean. I couldn’t take those moments away from Bastien and Ace.

She smiled gently. "What makes you think you’ll be in the way?"

I hesitated. "I think they feel like they need to include me so I don’t feel out of place."

"If they want to include you, that’s not getting in the way, hon. That’s them making space for you."

I looked down. "It’s confusing. I just want them to enjoy the time they have before Ace leaves again."

"You said Ace was really nice. Did it seem like he didn’t want you around? Bastien and Jess obviously do."

“The opposite. He’s been great about trying to get to know me. But he should be spending the time with Bastien.”

Lily refilled our cups. "Hon, I know you mean well, but who Ace spends time with should be up to him, no?"

That hit me hard. "You’re right. I’m not trying to take that from him. I guess I didn’t want to get too attached to him either, ‘cause I know he’s leaving. He’s easy to be around, and not at the same time."

"From what you’ve told me, I don’t see any reason he’d be hard to be around?" Lily looked genuinely curious.

“If you met him, you’d get it. He’s really smart, good-looking, nice, all the good stuff.” I was unconsciously fidgeting and kept tapping the side of the cup with my fingers.

“Oh, hon, don’t do that to yourself. You’re all those things, too. Even if you weren’t, there’s a place for everyone. You’re not in a competition.”

I knew that, but in a way, I was. It was just a competition I knew I’d lose. Deservedly. But outwardly, I said, “Of course, and I won’t. Thank you for listening, Lily.”

“Anytime, hon. I mean that. You want another refill?” As Lily reached for the pot, one of the two-tops walked up with a check and said, “Can I pay here?”

“Of course, hon, let me get that for you.” Lily took the check and went to the register and rang up the bill. “$24.78, how would you like to pay?”

I let Lily get back to work. I gave her a nod and a wave, left a few bucks on the counter, and stepped back into the quiet. I was glad I had my wallet this time.

The orange-purple sky gave way to the midnight blue of night. I put my earbuds back in and switched to Semisonic on the playlist. If I was in a competition I knew I’d lose, I was still willing to participate.