Fifth period came and went, and though he left to go to his sixth period, he returned immediately after it ended panting like he had sprinted from his classroom the moment the bell rang. 

I waved to him when he rushed in, and he broke into a wide grin that made me feel as though a fire had been ignited somewhere inside me. A fire that I quickly rushed to put out and pretend never lit in the first place.

We spent a few hours there too. He gave me his notes from history class earlier that day and helped me with some math stuff I couldn’t figure out. 

English class didn’t cause me any problems, but he did have to explain something to me from my bio class. 

In between him explaining things to me, we’d just talk.

I’d ask him to tell me a little more about that book he liked, and he’d ask me about what books I liked in turn.

It was nice, really. I didn’t even have to hide anything for any reason other than fear of embarassing myself. (No mentioning that sappy BL romance novel I’d finished a few weeks ago, for example. Only I needed to know about that.)

I was…quite grateful actually, that he hadn’t recognized me. This was actually kind of nice. If he did notice any similarities between me and his childhood friend he hadn’t said anything. Lucky for me I did look different enough. The hormones really helped, but the permanently crooked nose I’d gotten three years ago after a skateboarding accident did make me look quite different from my 13 year old self as well. Maybe it was both. 

But we were having such a nice time that said time was flying, and before we knew it, the library was actually closing.

“Oh man, I didn’t realize it was getting so late.” I gasped as I checked my phone. It was almost completely dark outside! Fuck! I’d have to walk home. So would he! Eh, oh well.

“I totally lost track of time, sorry Jet.” He sighed as he shoved his stuff hastily back into his bag. “I didn’t mean to keep you.”

“Keep me?” I laughed. “I could’ve left at any time, dude. I was having fun.”

“Oh. Cool.” He said, voice suddenly quiet. He brushed a strand of hair back behind his ear and looked away, suddenly bashful.

“Ugh…walking home in the dark is gonna suck though.” I sighed. “Unless….” 

As we strolled out of the library I called up my Uncle. He picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, kid, what’s going on? You feeling alright?” His voice rang through the speaker. “You’ve been out awhile. Being responsible I hope?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Hey, uh, are you at home?” I asked, glancing at Sebastian every so often. His eyes were glued to me, clearly wondering who I was calling.

“Yeah, why?”

“Uh…my…friend and I kinda lost track of time studying and I was wondering if you could pick us up? Please? I don’t want to walk home when it’s dark.” I whined, hoping Rory would take pity on me.

He sighed. “You walk around after dark all the time.”

“Yeah but this is different.”

“How?”

“…I don’t feel like it?”

He sighed again, and I could hear fabric shifting on the other end of the call followed by the jingling of keys. “I’ll be right there. Meet me in front. Try not to get kidnapped, or lost, or distracted before I get there.” 

“Will do, Rory.” I grinned, ending the call.

Sebastian waited a few seconds before speaking up. “Who was that?”

“My Uncle’s gonna give us a ride home. If you want one that is, I didn’t want to just ditch you here.” I answered, turning to him.

For a moment I swore he looked a little nervous, but he still nodded. “Thanks…that’s nice of you.”

“Of course.” I smiled.

By the time we got to the front of the school and sat down on one of the benches my feet were beginning to ache, so I was grateful I decided to call my Uncle rather than forcing myself to walk home. I had things to do tomorrow that required me to not have a flare up! Like…watching TV. And…sleeping.

“This was nice.” Sebastian said after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah, it really was.” I sighed, slumping over on the bench.

“We should do it again sometime.” He smiled.

My heart throbbed at that. 

I shouldn’t. I couldn’t. This was a one time thing…I was getting too close to him when we weren’t supposed to be friends. 

I was going to get hurt if we kept going like this. 

And yet, I wanted to do it again. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and be friends with him and not worry about anything that would happen and not think about anything that had. Let the past be the past, let my future unfurl itself before me like a comically long list in a movie. 

Let things be good, for once!

Don’t…don’t I deserve it?

“…yeah, maybe sometime.” I said softly. 

It wasn’t no. It wasn’t yes.

It was…an excuse to buy me more time.

My Uncle pulled up with the car soon after, and Sebastian and I slid into the back.

“Hey bud, how you holdin’ up?” Rory said to me as we climbed in.

“A Ok, Unc.” I replied, buckling the seatbelt. “Oh, right! Uncle Rory, this is Sebastian, my tutor. Sebastian, this is my Uncle Rory.” I said quickly.

Sebastian looked up at the mention of his name, briefly panicked and visibly nervous at the idea of being in a car with someone’s guardian. 

“Ah- uh- hello, nice to meet you sir.” He stammered, body going stiff as a board. He briefly extended his hand to my Uncle for a handshake before thinking better of it, instead grabbing onto his hoodie string and tugging.

My Uncle glanced at him in the rear view mirror, briefly meeting my gaze. 

He knew my history with Sebastian, and it was as if he was wordlessly asking me if this was really okay. I slightly nodded, and he glanced back to him.

Then he began to laugh. Sebastian tensed up even further, and I wondered if my uncle did that on purpose just to mess with him a bit. Probably. 

“Nice to meet you too, kid. No need for the Sir, you can just call me Rory.” He chuckled, though Sebastian briefly met my gaze with a look that said ‘I will not be doing that.’ My Uncle continued. “Where are we heading, Sebastian?”

“Oh, uh, my house is just off Seven Pines Road. The white one at the end of the block.” He explained.

Sebastian didn’t exactly live right next to my childhood house, but it was close enough for me to walk.

The house we lived in now was closer, but in a different direction from my childhood home. I hadn’t even seen the building in years.

I didn’t plan to.

But I realized with a start that I hadn’t seen his house since I’d left either.

Sebastian was tense the whole ride there, hands clinging to the seatbelt where it was wrapped over his chest. His eyes danced around, from the window to Rory to me to the window again and repeat.

But he said nothing the whole ride. 

Finally we pulled up, and my Uncle sighed as he stopped the car. 

“Alrighty then, it was nice to meet you Sebastian. Thanks for putting up with Jet here.” He chuckled, though I could tell he was really just putting on a supportive uncle act around Sebastian. I was a little grateful for that. If Rory acted the way he probably wanted to act around Sebastian knowing our history, I think Sebastian would get so tense he’d just snap himself in half. Besides, I didn’t want my Uncle giving my ex-best-friend-turned-tutor-slash-unwilling-acquaintance a shovel talk or anything along those lines, so I was glad he was playing it cool. 

“It was nice to meet you too, sir. Thank you for the ride home. Oh, and uh, it’s no problem. I think he puts up with me more than I put up with him.” He smiled, though as he stepped out of the car he shot a warm glance back at me, lifting his arm a bit to wave before closing the door and walking towards his house.

I watched him as he went, curling my nails into my leg and wondering why exactly I felt so…strange. 

As I did I got a nice view of his house again, and phew boy the deja vu!

Every single time I’d run here in the middle of the night passed through my head. 

I’d seen this white suburban home bathed in moonlight so many times before, and this one was no different.

It looked the same as it did the night I left.

It looked the same as it did when I looked back at it one last time before running.

I suddenly felt sick.

It was that night again, wasn’t it? Thick, summer air, the dark street illuminated by the streetlights, the pain of a hand wrapped tightly around my arm and dragging me alongside-

“Are you feeling alright, Jet?” Rory said softly, turning to me with concern in his gaze as I curled in on myself.

“Let’s just…just go.” I muttered. 

The drive home was silent. When we got back, the moment I stepped inside I threw my backpack against the couch and tossed myself onto a cushion with a sigh.

Rory slowly sat beside me and rested his hand on my shoulder.

“You alright bud?”

“I’ll be fine. I just…I hadn’t been back there since…”

“That night. I see.” He frowned, and I sat up. “Thanks for driving us home, Uncle. I appreciate it.”

“Anything for you bud.” He smiled, reaching out and ruffling my hair a bit. He paused for a moment before continuing. “That Sebastian kid…he…he’s really nothing like I imagined him. He’s so polite.”

I sighed. “Yeah, he really is.”

“You two seem…close.”

I said nothing at first, curling in on myself a little more. “I guess.” I muttered into the sleeves of my hoodie. “But we shouldn’t be.”

"Ellis, if you want to be friends with him, why don’t you just talk to him?” Rory said, turning to me fully.

“I can’t! I don’t want him to know and I…what if everyone finds out and- I can’t, okay?” I burst out, slumping over with my head in my hands. “I just…can’t.”

“It’s alright, buddy. It’ll be alright.” Rory said to me, placing his hand back on my shoulder. 

And I knew he meant well but…I really did not believe him.