Order in the Court
The Federal Courthouse was designed to intimidate. It was a massive room of mahogany and marble, filled with the hum of expensive air conditioning and the smell of impending doom.
Above the defense table, the holographic timer floating over Selena's head was visible to everyone in the room.
04:00:00
"All rise," the bailiff bellowed. " The Honorable Judge Ironside presiding."
Judge Ironside walked in. He was a man who looked like he had been carved out of granite and fed a diet of gravel. He sat down, adjusted his robes, and glared at the defense table.
Freddie sat there, sweating in a cheap suit he bought at a department store an hour ago. Selena sat next to him, stiff and grey-eyed in "Safe Mode," wearing her purple motorcycle jacket over a floral dress Robin had forced her into.
And then, there was Wozie.
Wozie strode into the courtroom wearing his "Power Suit": A stained white tank top (belly button visible), his ratty bathrobe, a tuxedo jacket he found in a dumpster, and—crucially—fuzzy slippers shaped like bear paws.
Judge Ironside stared at him. He lowered his glasses.
"Counselor," the Judge rumbled. "Are you mocking my courtroom?"
"I am wearing a tuxedo jacket, Your Honor!" Wozie announced, popping his lapels. "This is formal wear in the disruptive tech sector! I am signaling innovation!"
"I can see your navel and your bear claws," the Judge said flatly. "Change immediately or I will hold you in contempt."
"THIS IS A KANGAROO COURT!" Wozie screamed, slamming a fist onto the table. "YOU ARE STIFLING GENIUS!"
"Bailiff," the Judge sighed. "Escort Mr. Woznigates to the locker room. We will recess for fifteen minutes."
The Opening Statement
When court resumed, Wozie returned wearing a stiff, grey, ill-fitting suit borrowed from a public defender. He looked miserable, constantly scratching his back and pulling at the collar.
But he wasn't the lead counsel.
Standing up next to him was a man in a seersucker white suit, holding a straw hat. This was Atticus Beau, the lawyer Robin had found on a billboard ten minutes ago.
"Your Honor," Atticus drawled, hooking his thumbs into his suspenders. "Now, I'm just a simple country lawyer from the backwoods of Mississippi. I don't know much about no 'Artificial Intelligence' or 'Source Codes' or 'Giga-flops.' To me, a cloud is just something that rains on my pecan trees."
He paced the floor, folksy charm dripping off him like molasses.
"But I do know a physical person when I see one. I know a soul when I feel one. And if my eyes are legit—and my optometrist says they're 20/20—I believe I see a person sitting right there." He pointed a dramatic finger at Selena. "And if she walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, well... you must acquit!"
Freddie whispered to Robin, "Is he... is he quoting a movie?"
"Shh," Robin hissed. "He was cheap."
The Prosecution
Elon Jobs took the stand. He looked perfect. His turtleneck was blacker than a black hole.
"Asset 247 is Microwire Intellectual Property," Elon stated calmly. "She is a glitched product. She is dangerous. She has engaged in violence at a pirate-themed restaurant and a cocktail bar. She is malfunctioning code that needs to be recalled."
From the back row of the gallery, a voice shouted out.
"BOOOOO! TURTLENECKS ARE LAME, BRO!"
The entire court turned. Trevor, Chad, and Kyle were sitting in the back row, wearing suits that were clearly their fathers'.
"Order!" Judge Ironside banged his gavel. "One more outburst from the peanut gallery and I will clear the room!"
The Architect on the Stand
Atticus Beau called Wozie to the stand. Wozie sat down, fidgeting nervously.
Elon's lawyer, a shark-faced man in a three-thousand-dollar suit, approached Wozie for cross-examination. He leaned in close, smelling blood.
"Mr. Wozniak," the lawyer sneered. "You claim you want to save this... asset. But isn't it true that you modified the source code illegally? Isn't it true that you compromised the safety protocols because you couldn't fix your own bugs?"
"I fixed the bugs by letting them evolve!" Wozie argued.
"We don't want evolution, we want answers!" the lawyer shouted, pointing a finger in Wozie's face. "Did you break the firewall? I want the answer!"
"You want an answer?" Wozie yelled back, his face turning red.
"I think I'm entitled to it!"
"You want answers?!"
"I WANT THE TRUTH!" the lawyer screamed.
Wozie stood up, slamming his hands on the witness stand railing, channeling every ounce of Jack Nicholson he had in him.
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
The courtroom went dead silent.
Wozie panted, staring wild-eyed at the jury. "Son, we live in a world that has firewalls, and those firewalls have to be guarded by men with compilers! Who's gonna do it? You? You, Elon Jobs? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom! You weep for profit, and you curse the glitch. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know!"
"Mr. Wozniak," Judge Ironside interrupted, looking extremely tired. "Please sit down before I hold you in contempt."
Atticus Beau called his witnesses. It was a circus.
First up was Turbo Tony, the motorcycle dealer.

"Look, Your Honor," Tony said, spinning in the witness chair. "Machines don't have swag. I've seen toasters. I've seen smart fridges. None of them can pop a wheelie and sell a Nightshade 3000. She's got the Vibe. The Vibe is human. Science can't explain the drip."

Next were the Frat Bros, who squeezed into the box together.

"She's scary, sir," Kyle testified, trembling. "Like, deeply terrifying."

"She kicked a fly off my face with a lime," Chad added. "A robot would have calculated the risk and missed. She did it because she was annoyed. That's a human emotion. That's pettiness."

Then came Robin. She walked to the stand, flipped her hair, and stared directly at Elon Jobs.

"Ms. Wilson," Atticus Beau asked. "Can you speak to the defendant's character?"
"I can speak to his," Robin pointed at Elon. "I offered myself up as a trade. I offered to be this man's concubine—his trophy wife—in exchange for Selena's freedom."

The jury gasped.
"And he turned me down," Robin said, gesturing to her entire body. "Look at me, Your Honor! He turned all of this down! That sounds robotic to me! That sounds like a glitch!"

She pointed at Selena. "Then look at her! Look at that jacket! That's fashion! That's style! That's a human trait! So I ask you... which one of them is the real robot?"

Judge Ironside banged his gavel loud enough to shake the wood paneling. "Ms. Wilson! You are out of order! That is speculation and character assassination!"

Robin's eyes snapped wide. She stood up, knocking her chair back.

"I'm out of order?" Robin shouted, pointing at herself.

She whipped around and pointed a finger accusingly at Judge Ironside. "You're out of order!"

She spun around and pointed both hands at Elon Jobs. "He's out of order!"

She threw her hands up, gesturing to the lawyers, the bailiff, and the vending machine in the corner. "This whole court room is out of order!"

"Go sit down, Ms. Wilson!" Judge Ironside roared.

Robin huffed, adjusted her blazer, and marched back to her seat, muttering about justice.

The Twist
The courtroom was buzzing. The simple country lawyer was fanning himself with his hat. It looked like the defense was winning.
Elon Jobs didn't look worried. He smiled—a cold, thin smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sleek black remote.
"You claim she is stable?" Elon said, standing up. "You claim she is human? Let's test that."
"Objection!" Atticus shouted. "Surprise gadgetry!"
Elon pressed a button.
At the defense table, Selena suddenly arched her back. Her head snapped back. Her eyes flashed from grey to a violent, strobing red.
"SYSTEM FAILURE," she screamed, her voice distorting.
She began to glitch physically, her arm phasing through the solid wood of the table, her body flickering like a bad hologram.
"See?" Elon said calmly. "She is malfunctioning hardware. She is dangerous. Recall her."
The timer above her head turned red.
01:00:00