The sound of my heartbeat crowded my ears. Like a fool, I held the fingers of one hand that he had caressed with the other just a few minutes ago. I was still so full of that sensation that the droplets striking the car window seemed to fall to the same rhythm as the fluttering in my chest.

Thump Thump, Thump Thump.

"Sophie".

Theo pronounced my name, pulling me out of my trance. The time it took to go to my mother’s house and arrive at my apartment had passed without me even noticing.

"Yes, sorry". I was so nervous that I only wanted to get out of the car without saying a word. I was terrified of being too obvious, of ending up telling him that another man had bewitched me with just the brush of a finger—and that the feeling was far more satisfying and significant than anything between us in recent months.

He caught my hand on the handle, blocking my exit.

"You're very worked up," he said, searching my eyes. "Did something happen that you haven't told me? Are you feeling okay? Your cheeks are flushed".

How is it that you are so perceptive when the leash you’ve placed around my neck weakens, but not when I want to let you know our hearts have grown cold and are drifting apart?. I thought about how sad this was and how little he cared: he didn't want to know, or perhaps he knew and simply didn't care. I placed a hand on his chest to push him away and evade him.

"Nothing happened. The rain caught me and I’m still a bit cold".

He braced himself against the door again, not letting me out.

"Let me go now, Theodore, I’m tired!".

My demand echoed inside the car. After clicking his teeth, he moved away from me, settling back into his seat with absolute calm. He adjusted his tie and spoke again: "Suit yourself". I left without looking back and without another word.

Paff! I threw myself onto the bed without even changing my clothes. My shoes fell from my feet to the floor with a dull thud. My eyes got lost in the ceiling of the room. I sighed, and once again my mind wandered among the shapes the lamp projected onto the white paint.

So many things happened today. I touched my hand again and remembered that man's face and his fingers softly and fleetingly caressing mine. Could I have imagined it?. No, I couldn’t have imagined it. He asked me to come back, didn't he?.

I got out of bed. My legs shivered at the touch of the cold floor, leading me to caress my shoulders and arms for warmth. Little by little, I let my clothes of the day fall onto the dressing room rug until I was naked. I let down my hair and combed it carefully while looking at myself in the mirror. Looking at oneself naked in the mirror can sometimes be an act of courage, acceptance, and self-love.

The idea of having been desired for an instant had reminded me how pleasant it was to observe and enjoy the most honest corners of my body.

They say we look more beautiful when we are aroused. Like a sacred ritual, with slow and graceful movements, I opened the lingerie drawer and chose a lace set with black details—the kind of garment you save for a special occasion, with someone special. Slowly, I slid it over my body; the soft sound of the fabric brushing against my skin was pleasant to my ears.

A warm breath escaped my mouth as I felt the sheets over me. This is nice, I thought. My hands caressed my thighs, my hips, the lower part of my belly. My heavy breathing was the only thing filling the room. The fingers that man touched were now touching my own body and the edge of my lingerie. Returning to his memory, I bit my lower lip. I wanted my fingers to be his, and that pleasant thought transformed into a moan in my mouth. I squeezed one of my bare breasts tightly, clinging to that desire, and let my hand substitute for his between my legs, at least for tonight.

In the morning, I received a message from Theo. He informed me he was going on a business trip and would return in the middle of the week. A second message arrived saying he didn't want to talk about yesterday because it was uncomfortable for him to argue over the phone while he was away.

"(…) And that's it? He didn't say anything else, just left on his trip and that's it?!". Erica’s small chat window popped up in the corner of my monitor. She was looking at me from her desk. I could see her eyes peeking over, full of indignation.

I clicked a couple of times and then replied : "I don't know if I should be happy because he doesn't want to touch a subject I don't want to talk about, or feel terrible because he cares so little about the reason for my attitude yesterday that he can postpone it as if it were nothing".

I closed the window and continued drawing.

"We should take advantage of him being gone and go see the man you like". "I'll go with you," Erica's window emerged over my drawing screen. "But in 'conquest mode'.".

My eyes snapped wide open as I blushed.

"Have you gone crazy?" I wrote back.

"Think about it. Theodore doesn't care what you do or who you're with, and he isn't here, so what's stopping you?". "I'll cover for you; tell him you're going out to dinner with me. You'll see he won't ask you a single thing," she wrote, giving me a malicious look full of complicity. "Take this opportunity to at least get that man's phone number, Sophie. Come on!".

My fingers trembled slightly over the keyboard as I thought about whether I should do it—if asking another man for his number counted as infidelity, or what excuse I could give myself to not feel guilty for going to see him with that in mind while Theo was out of town.

"Alright, but… tomorrow," I finally replied. "I need time to process that I'm actually going to do this". The reply message brought only two thumbs up in approval.

I brought my hand to my face, embarrassed, as if I had just felt a wave of bashfulness. Is it okay for me to do this?. I slid my digital pen over the tablet, drawing faster and faster. What if he rejects me? What if I make a fool of myself? What will I do if Theo finds out?.

The shadows moved along with the hands of the clock as the hours and colors faded away. Doubts and questions kept repeating in my mind, making me take one step back and another forward. Thus the day concluded with me unable to think of anything else, and I ended up once again in that dreamlike place of red lamps and dim lights.

I tightened my grip on the shawl he had placed over my shoulders the other night and, determined, continued my way inside.

"Welcome." An older man with slanted eyes attended to me this time. Politely, he led me to my usual table and withdrew.

"Xiao Chen!" he called. "Xiao Chen! Serve the lady".

"Right away".

His velvety voice was heard from somewhere else, and that was how I discovered that was his name. Seconds later, I saw him enter the area where I was, and I had to bite my lip once again to repress any shameless gesture that might make me look too easy in front of him.

Xiao Chen stood still for a few seconds, holding the menu and his notepad. He looked into my eyes, slightly breathless, his lips barely parted. After moistening them with the tip of his tongue, they curved into a smile. I didn’t imagine it; those eyes and that mouth were telling me: "You've come back".

"Are you ready to order? How may I serve you?". His hand extended to place the menu in front of me, but his fingers pinned the paper to the table to brace his palm, leaving his strong arm exposed before me. I couldn't help but admire his skin and the shape of his arm once more—the veins marking it, his long, slender fingers.

"I won't be staying long today… I wanted… I wanted to return this." I held out the shawl and looked at him from below, timidly.

As he took it, he watched it for a few seconds before speaking.

"It has a sweet scent," he said, smiling.

"Excuse me?".

"The garment retains the lady’s scent".

"I-I had it with me so I wouldn't forget it, forgive me..." I felt very careless and embarrassed. "I had washed it, but being with me in my bag and hands...".

"Your perfume has permeated it," he smiled again. His soft voice, like a whisper, made me shiver.

"Now it will mix with yours by the end of the day," I blurted out without even thinking how that would sound. "I mean..." I interrupted myself, realizing what I had said. "I-I must go". I stood up, took my bag, and headed across the hallway to leave the restaurant.

What am I doing? I thought that having asked for his number would have been less embarrassing and forward. However, something stopped me; I felt I had been so rude… that I should go back to him and apologize, say something. I turned around and went back toward the dining room.

My mouth fell open in awe as my cheeks flushed violently. He was still there, standing, gazing closely at the shawl I had returned.

"You're right..." I heard him say. "What would the scent of your skin be like when mixed with mine?".

Xiao Chen closed his eyes, buried his face in the fabric, and inhaled deeply to fill himself with the soft fragrance of my perfume.