“Azure Blue...?”

“Red...?”

One by one, I held up hangers of dresses, and blouses over my chest. I see my reflection on the full-length mirror. Glancing at my worn-out self, through the mirror for at least five minutes. I scrunched my nose, wanting to say 'uh-uh'

Seriously...why me...?

I tossed the hangers onto my bed and held up another set of clothes. Switching from a lavender silk slip-dress to a Burgundy halter dress. I shook my head and went back to my closet. After a few hangers, I ran my hands over a green floral dress. Pulled it out from the closet and held it up against my body, in front of the mirror. Busy staring at my reflection, I didn't notice I was clenching on the hanger too much almost breaking it.

Then came a knock.

“Mel...honey...?”

Mom...?

“What do you need mom...?”

The door pushed open. Mom walked in, immediately skimming the mess I made out of my closet. She looked at me with a faint tint of tiredness in her eyes. Her eyes were still puffy red — presumably from crying and all the drinking. She walked over to me and tucked strands of my hair behind my ears. “Are you sure you want to go...?” She asked.

I paused, and glanced back at the mirror. I pursed my lips.

“Bakit pumayag si lola...?” I asked, my voice-flat.

I heard mom gave out a big sigh. “Melliriese...your lola...uhm... didn't have a choice”

“Everyone has a choice mom...” I said, not glancing at her.

“Mel...”

She sighed again, her hand brushing over my cheeks and gently pushed it, making me look at her. “We owed the Solers...”

“Owed...” I repeated. “Something you can't tell me...over the past years...?”

Mom cupped my cheeks. “You'll understand it...someday...”

I once again glanced at the reflection of the dresses laid on the bed on the mirror. Plus the one on my hand right now.

“You don't have to...just...be you...”

“They'll love you just the way you are”

Neo's words echoed through my head.

A sudden buzzing sound came from my phone. The screen lit up revealing a text message — It was from Neo.

Neo

Hey...just checking in...

«Neo»

Oh...don't worry about it...if

you're uncomfortable going, then

don't ... I fully understand...I know

you have a lot on your plate right

now...

My fingers floated over the phone keyboard. Do I want to go...? I don't know...

I slightly glanced at my mother picking up the dresses from the bed then to the green floral dress I'm holding. My eyes wandered back to the phone screen.

After a moment, my fingers hovered over the letters on the keyboard.

«Neo»

Wait, Seriously...?

«Neo»

Sure? Sure?

«Neo»

Positive...? Those three ellipses

makes it doubtful🤔

«Neo»

🫡Roger that

Pick you up at 6:30?

«Neo»

Alright see ya later

I sighed placing the phone down on the vanity. Why did I say I was going!!!??? I don't even know what to wear!! Just look at this catastrophe....!!! I glanced at all the clothes I pulled out of the closet, now scattered on the bed, the floor, and the vanity. What a mess. I'm a mess. I saw the reflection of the green floral dress in the mirror again.

“You don't have to...just...be you... they'll love you”

Yeah right...as if...

I walked towards the closet and pushed through various dresses and pulled out a specific hanger. An elegant black long-sleeved, tweed Korean top with white glitterred buttons. I paired it with a high-waisted, white pleated mini-skirt. I looked at my reflection. Running my fingers through the skirt fixing the pleats. Now for the hair.

“Do you need help with fixing your hair...?” Mom asked. As I stood by the vanity, my palm slowly clenched. “No thanks. I can manage”

“oh...okay...”

“Could you perhaps...give me space...please” I requested firmly that she didn't try to argue and just left the room closing the door behind her. The door shut in a click. A deep sigh escaped my lungs. I picked up the brush and started fixing my hair. As I saw my reflection, I could imagine Lexi scolding me for thinking of saying 'I'm a mess'

She would be like: ”How dare you !? Glance at the mirror and not value the person in front of you...! Apologize to her right now!”

Just the thought of that makes my lips arched up a bit. Also — a potential lyrics. I pulled the knob of my drawer and took out a glacier green journal. I grabbed a pen and flipped the pages of the notebook onto an empty one and wrote lyrics for a potential new composition. While I was engulfed in writing the lyrics, Neo texted me over minutes ago:

«Neo»

I'm almost at your residence. Be there in five

Oh shoot...!! He sent that text three minutes ago. I haven't fixed my hair. Oh screw it.

I tied my hair in a messy bun. Yes. Again. It came out naturally good, if I do say so myself. I hope.

Then an approaching car engine was heard by the gate. Great. Just great.

Later on, the doorbell rang. Then a knock on my door.

“Mel, dear...Neo's here...”

It was Auntie.

“Be right out!”

One last glance at the mirror. This is not you. This is not who you are Melliriese. Not you...

I took a deep breath and kicked my heels towards the door. As I stepped out of the room, I saw Neo leaning by the banister. He was wearing a black corduroy collared 3/4 sleeves shirt, the top two were left undone, paired with a army green cargo pants. His naturally messy hair was styled as a taper fade.

Never thought I could see him like this...He looks nice...

His gaze was focused down on his phone. He only glanced up once he heard the tapping sounds of my heels against the floor tiles.

Stared at me for a moment and checked me out from head to toe. “Wow...” raising a brow, a sly grin on his face. “I thought we'd drop the dress tonight...?”

“ha-ha...it's a dinner...with your family”

“True, but... didn't need to let go of the green, Riese...” He said, with a soft tone. I looked at him a bit shock. How did he know I was hesitant to wear a green dress...?

I embraced myself placing one arm over the other, not glancing at him.

“...Okay...ready to go...?” He sighed, I answered with a nod. We headed over the front door where Auntie was waiting.

“Ingat kayo ha. Neo, take care of Melliriese...” She said.

“Of course Tita Kerlina. I'll take care of our dear Melliriese” he replied with a polite bow.

My eyes wandered around and questioned, “Si mom po Tita...?”

“Back in her room...”

Probably drinking again. As usual. Nothing new.

“Sige po tita. Alis na po kami...”

“Alright...don't worry I'll let your mom know...” Tita Kerlina said as we walked out of the door. Neo and I headed for his car. He opened the passenger door and I slid my way inside. Seconds later, Neo was seated at the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition, the engine roared as if it was for the journey ahead. A journey I was given, but did not ask to be given. The car then drove off. Looking ahead on the road, and occasionally glancing at the rear mirror to check on the girl. He gripped the steering wheel as the silence inside the car got louder. The only sound was the soft occasional tick of the turn signal.

The ride was silent. Not when we left our subdivision. Not even a single peep came out of either of us. We just stayed quiet. He didn't even switch the radio on or even ask if I was still okay. Nothing. Not a word. Though I know he's taking quick glances. That's more than enough for me.

I stared out the window, the flashing of the taillights of all the cars in front was quite distracting. Just what I need to get my mind off the fact that I'm wearing a mask again. Even though Neo assured me I didn't have to, but I felt the need of courtesy towards him and his family. Besides I'm not in a mood to wear a floral dress right now.

Seconds later, the car slowed down. We drove over a pavers stoned textured driveway as a massive gate with an 'S' emblem opened. The crunch of the car tires on the driveway is a reminder that we are here. The Soler estate.

It's bigger than I remembered.