“Vince.” With a gulp, I looked up at him just after he’d ripped my shirt over my head and carelessly thrown it across my room. 

Despite knowing I wasn’t into him anymore, it was hard to get away from him. I wanted to, I really did, not only out of respect for myself, but also for Amelia, but when he showed up at my apartment, he didn’t give up until I let him inside. He knew my daily routine inside and out, from my class schedule to my late night shifts, so it was hard to pretend I wasn’t home. 

When he kissed me, I thought of Thomas kissing me so seductively, and it honestly didn’t compare at all. But there was hope, I thought; if I couldn’t get away from him, maybe I could just fix what was wrong, and maybe, just maybe, I’d begin to like him again. Maybe we’d both learn to be better people for each other? Vince, if he was true to his feelings, maybe he could change?

Vince took off his own shirt, and gazed at me in confusion. “Hm? What is it?”

“M-Maybe … um.” I stuttered, and chuckled nervously, and my fingers slithered along his wrists, remembering Thomas’ advice. It did feel weird, though, doing this with Vince after I had kissed Thomas. It made me feel ... wrong, and horrible, as if I was doing the same things Vince had done. Was I two-timing? Was I cheating?

But I didn't regret kissing Thomas. If anything, I ... craved more of it. More of that good, fuzzy feeling he'd given me. This with Vince felt worse, in the sense that I didn't want to do it anymore.

“Maybe we could take it … slower. I mean, um, maybe we could try something new.”

“Something new? Like what?” Already, Vince frowned, almost appearing appalled. Though I hadn’t even said anything yet. 

“The last few times, it honestly kind of hurt,” I mumbled, and Vince stared at me in confusion as I continued. “C-Could you take your time … ? Prep me? I want it to feel good for both of us together.” 

“Prep you?” Vince unbuckled his belt, zipped open his jeans, and there was nothing but a puzzled expression on his face. “Don’t you already do that before I get here?”

“Sometimes … But when you come here so spontaneously, like today, I have no time to. You could … with your fingers, and some lube—“

“With my fingers?” Vince scowled. “Um … No, really, I don’t think I can do that—“ 

“Oh.” I lowered my gaze. Why did it bother him so much? Vince shimmied closer towards my face, practically kneeling right in front of it, and already reached for my head. 

“Just prep yourself while you blow me. I won’t look.” Already, the tip of him nudged against my lips, and I gulped my disappointment away. 

“Can you do it for me, too?” I asked, and Vince was immediately absolutely disgusted by my idea.

“Huh? Are you serious?”

“I always do it for you … what about me?” 

“Why are you being so demanding? You know I’m not into guys, there’s no way I could do that.” For someone who wasn’t into men, he sure loved it when my lips wrapped around him. All on their own, his hips thrust into my face relentlessly, until the corners of my mouth ached, and the back of my throat throbbed. Once again, even as I asked, he did whatever he wanted, and he loved every second of it. 

A few moments later, he slipped lower, ready to turn me right around, but my hands pushed against his chest, and I spread my legs. “Can’t we do it like this? So I can see your face…” 

“Um,” Vince sighed. “I really don’t want to see your … you know.” 

“W-What?”

“Just turn around. Your waist is so small, you look just like a girl when we do it like that.” 

I stared, in disbelief, and instinctively hid myself beneath my hands, and I closed my legs and gently kicked him away, desperately wanting to disappear. “What? But I’m not … a girl.” 

“Hey, come on,” Vince sighed, reaching for my ankle, wanting to turn me around, even now. He couldn’t even read the air in the room shifting. “You know that’s not what I meant.” 

“B-But it is, isn’t it?” I sniffled, and I didn’t want to cry. I kicked him off of me once more. “Keep telling yourself whatever you want, but I’m a man, and you’ve been sleeping with a man for a year, no matter what you say or think!”

“Why are you making such a big deal out of it? I was complimenting your waist, I meant it looks good.”

“It didn’t feel like a compliment,” I whispered, face trembling, whole body shivering. I was cold all over, and I wanted him out of here. 

“You’ve been so annoying these days. I thought we made up. Just turn around, I know you like it.” 

“No!” As soon as he reached for my ankles, I kicked him away. “I hate it! We never made up, because you never listen to me! And you’re seriously terrible at it, you know?! Just pounding away like an idiot, and you don’t even know what you’re doing, and you only care about yourself! Tell yourself you’re not gay, but you keep coming to me for it, even when you had a girlfriend, and you’re the one that loves it, not me!”

“You—“

“You’re so, so, so bad, seriously! I don’t feel anything! Your dick is average, at most, but you don’t even know how to use it!” I took a deep breath, and once my emotions flooded out of me, and color drained out of Vince’s face, I couldn’t stop myself any longer. “You need to get over yourself, and you need to leave me alone! I’m done having you treat me like this, and I’m done having the worst sex of my life!” 

Vince was completely dumbfounded. He was too embarrassed, even, to get angry at me. He simply stared, big-eyed and overwhelmed, and hated having his ego kicked in the gut like that. He had seriously convinced himself that I was the obsessed one, and not him. I had totally hurt his male pride. No guy wanted to hear they totally sucked. 

He gulped, and glared. “Come on … You don’t mean that.”

“I do mean it! I shouldn’t even be tolerating you in my apartment after everything you’ve done!”

“So, you don’t want to go all the way, I get it. I guess I could, um—“ It cost him all strength and courage to even say it. “I could help you out with my hand? So, can’t you … finish blowing me?” 

My exasperated stare forced a flinch out of him, but he only got a move on once I yelled at him once more. “Get out! Now!” 

Hastily, Vince pulled his jeans back up over his hips, and he failed multiple times at buckling his belt because his hands shivered with all the embarrassment that flooded over him. 

And honestly, maybe I was a sociopath of some sort, because I totally enjoyed seeing him suffer like that, so tense all over, so confused, so uncomfortable and self-conscious all the sudden. He grumbled to himself, reached for his phone on my mattress, and didn’t dare look at me one more time. I had completely broken his confidence. 

And just as he was about to leave, without turning towards me, he muttered: “You weren’t like this before. What’s going on with you?” He sounded annoyed, and he even smashed my door shut after he left, and I could only sigh out of relief, suddenly feeling so free.

“Maybe I want to value myself a little more,” I whispered to myself in a pout, chewing on my lower lip. Turning to the side, I snuggled into my blanket, which sadly totally smelled of Vince. Before, I would have sniffed on it and cuddled it, imagining it was Vince, and I would have cried about how terribly he treated me; but now, knowing this was the last time I would smell his perfume on my bedsheets, I felt oddly at peace with it. 

Giving Vince a definite rejection, saying no so loud and clear, making it impossible to be misunderstood … It felt amazing. 

Finally having gotten the courage for it, that was totally because of Thomas, wasn’t it? His advice had totally done something to me, and I realized I shouldn’t settle for that bare minimum Vince was willing to give me. His words meant nothing if his actions didn’t match, and I’d finally begun to realize it.