It’s been a couple of days since I got the address. I’m so close… So close to achieving my dream. I’m one trip away from getting that reset. I just need to keep working on getting this car fixed. It shouldn’t be a problem.

But… What if it doesn’t work out? What if Dr. West doesn’t have all the answers? Then I’ll… No, I won’t dare to summon her. And I need to stop doubting myself. Hesitation is for the weak. I need to win. I need to grab that chance. 

I’m no slacker, and I’m certainly not someone who’s gonna have her chances slip away. I just need to go full force. I didn’t put in all this work for nothing. I didn’t kill and steal for the fun of the game. Every action is a calculated move to further my goal, and I won’t let anyone stand in my way. I’m not letting anyone define who I am. 

My eyes erupt. In the driver’s seat, I meet with the loosely taped mirror. Its duct tape is now slipping, revealing that damned reflection. 

My lips curl. “I can’t wait till I see someone else in the mirror.” 

The reflection scoots over to fit its face around the tape. 

It coldly stares at me. “You’re oddly chipper.” 

I snicker. “Yeah, what about it?” 

The reflection speaks with its unflinching expression, “You’re wasting your time with this pursuit. The car’s broken. One scientist isn’t going to ‘fix’ you. What else…?”

I cough. “Oh? You’re starting to list things, now? Well, I’ve got several other options.” 

“Name them then.” 

I pause.

I scratch my nose. “Well… I’m not in the mood for thinking this much in the morning.” 

It eyes me. “So, are you always not in the mood for thinking? Maybe you’re just waiting for the right person to show up and then capitalize on them.”

I snap, “The hell are you on about?” 

“Come on… You bounce around between others and put on a front of being so independent. But that’s not who you are, cause you depend on others.” 

I turn to the side, looking away from this scum. 

I hear that damned voice. “You’re useless on your own. And that’s okay. Because Adam will—” 

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” I scream.

Pause. 

That annoying voice… “What’ll happen when you ‘reset to zero’?” 

I take a moment for myself. 

I rest a finger on my collar. “It’s simple. I get to feel the warmth of a normal life. Enjoy the things that I rightfully deserve.”

 The annoying voice turns into venom. “You think it’s all sunshine and rainbows out there?” 

Silence.

I mumble, “Maybe… No…? I don’t know.” 

I look at it, and I see that expression of pity. 

It tilts its ugly head. “Go to him.” 

I yell, “No!” 

It exhales. “Go to Adam!” 

I tug tightly on my collar. “I’m not listening to this bullshit!” 

Pause.

Its eyes sparkle. “Why do you hate him so much? He dedicates his whole life to you and looks for you, and this is how you treat him.” 

I rub the scar underneath my collar. “I have no interest in a stalker who’s too stubborn to accept that I don’t exist for his desire.” 

“Hypocrite.”

I yell, “The hell you say?!” 

“Hypocrite.”

I grab the car mirror, unwrapping the tape around it. I scream at the damned reflection. That ugly, disgusting face that’s snarking at me. I demand an answer from it. I repeatedly ask it to explain to me why I am a “hypocrite.”

My head tenses, and I smash the mirror, shattering it into multiple shards. Fragments everywhere. With what remains are the splintered, bastardized eyes of mine. 

I stare at them with my fist clenched. It only ever speaks one phrase, “Peace and love!”

I slam the door open, falling backward. I sprint away from it. I can’t let it fuck with my head. I can’t deal with this. I need space. I need time. I need control. I don’t need to think about him. I don’t need the bullshit. 

My pace slows as I stroll the streets, reminded of the many public glares. The hundred eyes that always monitor me. The constant reminder of my place in this world. I tighten my fist. I need to keep moving.

Eventually, I overhear familiar voices from somewhere. Turning my head, I see the two lesbians from some time ago. Valeria leans against a wall, holding herself as she’s stained in red. Fog steams from her mouth. Melody tends to her, wrapping cloth around her wounds.

The vampire hisses, “Sshhit! This hurts so much. This kid pisses me off.” 

Melody speaks softly, “Hold still, Val. It’ll be okay, we’re in this together.” 

Valeria clenches her teeth as her eyes follow mine. 

The vampire sharpens her voice. “Stop with this sappy shit. I don’t want strangers overhearing this.” 

The human responds, “Don’t be so embarrassed by public displays of affection, haha.”

The vampire shifts her eyes back to the human. I take several steps from this. I don’t feel right eavesdropping on this any longer. It’s… I don’t have any use for this.  

I overhear Valeria speak as I try to move away. “It’s annoying enough to do it in the same building as the other vampire, Mel. What a depressing husk of a being.” 

The other responds, “Don’t be so harsh on him. Let’s go back. I heard he’s still walking outside.”

Star… I pause in the street. The world drifts so slightly.

DAMN IT! DAMN IT! I CAN’T FUCKING THINK ABOUT THIS! I can’t let this ruin my mood even further. I don’t need this bullshit. I never did. I don’t. I fucking hate it all. AAAHHH!

My head swirls as I struggle to maintain my balance. The many things flood my mind. The conflicting ones I have to push back. I have to do something. I can’t let this continue. I have to run. I need to. I need some kind of control.

I dash out there. I run through the streets. I pass through so many freshborns, pushing and knocking so many of them. My adrenaline kicks in as I hit my limits — the limits of my body and mind — running by instinct. 

I can’t stop. I need this. I run and run. I see that figure from so far away. I sprint closer. I just have to get there. The urge overwhelms me, the need to do something. 

I see him with that stupid fluffy hair, those big curls. I see his stupid face with those tiny fangs.

I’m here. I’m within reach. I need this. I need to throw everything. I need to vent. I charge at him, wrapping my arms around him as I slam him onto the ground. I pull back as I pin him, reeling my fists. I look into his golden eyes, my dark reflection staring back at me.

I throw my fists at his face. I hit him with everything I have. I go back and forth with my arms. Punching and punching. Left to right. I scream as I do this. 

Blood bursts from my knuckles, staining his face. The pain only adds to everything I’m feeling. I exert myself so much. My body can’t take it. My stitches are falling apart, spilling more of my blood. My fists are struggling. Can they even be called “fists”? I still have a lot to give. To throw out to the world. 

I keep hitting, venting my frustrations at this brick wall. I don’t care. I can’t care. But I do care. I need to lash out my emotions, hurting and hurting. I'm hurting myself. I'm breaking bits of myself.

With each strike, I yell. I know what I’m doing to myself. I just need the sensation of throwing my anger at him. I have to. It’s painful, but I need this to let it all out.

I don’t want to stop, I need it out. My hands are breaking apart, slipping so slightly through the thin threads. I only stop when I can’t even control my hand, leaving my wrists out there with my hands hanging by the loose stitching.

I fall back, leaving the vampire alone. I sit there, huffing and puffing. Headache is a bit worse now. But the feelings? I’m not sure. I don’t know. I lashed out and broke my hands in the process. I’m still conflicted emotionally — I thought I would feel better.