I couldn’t let Hollis think he had misplaced his trust in me, I couldn’t let him rethink all our interactions and psych on my intentions. 

I could tell him the truth. Hollis would understand.

Right?

I smelled myself, and sweat invaded my nose. I decided it was safe to go inside. I ran through the stairs to the second floor. I usually crossed paths with him because we both had classes next to each other.

I spotted his short fluffy hair that was almost to his door, so I ran to him. My loud steps were out of the tune with the stillness of the corridor and the bored students - Hollis turned back eye wide a second before I grasped his wrist. 

The action made the both of us pivot so that he had his back to the wall and that I was in front him. He quickly looked around and grasped my wrist. I let him go, and he took his wrist in his other hand.

I could start to hear murmurs behind me but my head was too fuzzy for me to apprehend.

“Yesterday- It was a misunderstanding, I would never do that to you. You can’t believe that right? Did you get my texts?”

He just stayed quiet, his pupils went to mine a brief instant before they went back to the floor.

He couldn’t cast doubt on our whole friendship when I was explaining to him this was a misunderstanding? Why couldn’t he listen to me? Why was my head turning? Why was my world blurry? Why couldn’t I think of a way to make things right? Why couldn’t I do anything right?

“Just let me, please” He gently pushed me away,

“WHY DON’T YOU BELIEVE ME??” My desperation redirected at the wrong person and went to my head so much I had a vertige. Before collapsing I put all my weight on my arms on the wall.

Which made a loud bump.

Through dilated eyes I saw the world looking at me, I saw my friends  judged me, and I saw my best friend - the one I had never acknowledged at school, the one I had only acknowledged to mistreat, petrified once again because of me.

“I am sorry”

He pushed me strongly

I put back my hood and went to my car.