“This is dumb” I say to myself as I stand near the entrance of Aletzio´s the local Italian restaurant down town, as this is my free time I don’t wear my usual Teacher clothing, instead I have my black jeans, electric blue convers and graphic t-shirt with several Hannay masks and a black jacket with several patches, they night is slightly cold, against my better judgement Michel shoved his phone number into my hands and asked me to save it on mine, he then immediately send me a sticker of a mouse puppet waving when I sent only a dot, it happened like this R: I see your sense of humor is the same. M: it has evolved! R: … if you say so. M: … Rich… you know I’m bad with words and all that, but I am really grateful that you allowed me to have a chance. I promise I won’t disappoint you, nor will I take you for granted! I´ll see you at Aletzio´s at eight, no monkey business!”  he then send an animated gift of a cat smiling and waving, I tried to answer his last texts but try as I might I couldn’t think of anything to say, my finger even hovered the block button a few times, he does seem like he has changed and the more I think about his expressions the less it resembles to the Michel form college, and then I tough if I’m able to give endless second chances to teens, than maybe I can give one to him, but now I look up at the neo singe in the door that illuminate the cold night with a small hum and wonder if this was just another poor excuse for a practical jok- “Rich!” Michel ran to my side waving and I just point to his hat “the heck is that?” his hat was your typical cold day hat but his was styled to resemble a monkey, he smiled teasingly like a cat, “Oh I believe you say no monkey business but this is a hat!” he pointed at me with a dumb face and despite all my resentment and hate I puff my cheeks and chuckle and his face looks so proud and relive “you still laugh like a little squirrel Rich… cute”

I instinctively cover my mouth, and when my hand hits my face, I feel how hot my cheeks are. “No, I don’t!” I told him through my hand, he smirks, “Yeah, you do,” he counters, “You are a jerk!” I bark “and you are just so cute” he half closes his eyes and lock them on mien “sh…shut up!” he chuckles “Make me” I pout and stomp towards the restaurant, we quickly get a boot near the back, Michle looks placed his chest puffed like if he had won a contest “You did not win!” I told him angrily “I believe I did when you couldn’t shut me up” I mimic his words in a higher pitch and instantly I felt scared of how easy it was to fell back into old habits when we were in college and together this was our usual banter, the color probably drains form my face as Michel nods “sorry, you are right, maybe we should change topics, where do you work now?” he… he cares? This is so wild, I mean I welcome the change but holy… he didn’t push anymore and was waiting eagerly for my answer, “well… I´m a teacher at a private school” “oh that’s cool, so” he smirks “you are a sexy teacher?” he laughs, I just roll my eyes “Nothing sexy about me” “I beg to differ” he wiggles his eyebrows and I stop them with my fingers “Not like that… and hands were I can see them!” he put his hands up, but, I fell his foot brushing gently against my leg, I glare at him “you said hands not feet” I smile okay he got me there

“Okay, but you are biased. Now, you tell me what you do.” he shifts in his chair and clears his throat. “I am a secret agent for the CIA.” I rolled my eyes as he was saying with his face, “huh? Huh? Did you like it?” he chuckled and handed me his card, “De-frag studio?” I said out loud as he nods proudly “you see I work as a game developer and character artist for that studio” I open my eyes “really? Have you work on anything I know?” he shows me different pictures of characters that he has made for games and a few titles a few I recognize in my game library “that’s cool” I said a little to exited instead of the neutral tone I wanted to use, he smiles coyly and looks through his gallery “can I show you something and you won’t think I´m weird?” I rise my eyebrow “it´s you, I will think is weird, you could show me a picture of a dandelion and I would find something weird” his mouth become a line and he pouted “well if that’s the case then I won’t show you anything” “Come on! I want to see” he turns his phone to me “NO!” I said out loud as he show me a picture of our old D&D characters that were of course base on us, mine was a sorcerer that liked to read to learn magic and his was a typical paladin in the picture his character is lifting mine with one arm as he is reading looking for a spell, “I made it recently, kind of around the same time I realize we take the same subway” he scratches the back of his head “and maybe it was because of them that I wanted to see if I could get a second chance, sure I can code or draw a happy ending but is much more difficult to actually get one in real life”

I return his phone back to him, as enjoyable and cool as that is, I still have my doubts “Look, I agree to this hang out, but I still have my reservations about you” he nods as our food arrives “that’s fair, I honestly I would have assume you were replaced by a machine if you just accept without them” “okay lets test your remorse” he swallows and lets me continue “what is the worst thing you did?” his eyes jet form the food in front of him to me “we are not counting the whole brake up and throwing the bracelet into the river right?” I nod, he takes some air and steadies himself, if he says something dumb like I forgot our anniversary or that time I got you a shirt three times your size I will end this hang out on the spot, but instead I see his body trembling and his eyes gets red and misty and that sight terrifies me is something he had never done and I knew him for years “I… I believe that would be when there was a heavy storm almost a typhoon and Luis and everyone else… convinced me… convinced me to let Mika out of your house” I get transported to that horrible day, his laughing face as I look in horror at the open door, the way I ran out, sprinting through the rain and sleet calling Mika for dear life, she was just a puppy I was horrified thinking that she could have ended in the swearers, I had to rely on my training to manage to catch her with my eyes closed, and that’s when it started the beginning of the end for us up until that point I was okay with him calling me names or belittle me at the request of others but I remember his look when I told him “Get close to her one more time and I will end you”  

I nodded and looked at him struggling to breath and wonder if this is the real Michel, he have never been this open, nor has he ever take the blame for his actions, even in that situation he blamed it on me for letting the door unlocked, and on others for the dear but back then never once did he said I messed up “I remember that day, I think it was the first day I didn’t accept your actions as a joke or a misunderstanding” “I was a dick, I even said that you were over reacting… I´m so-” I put my hand on his mouth to prevent him from saying it because if he is truly sorry, I don’t know what I would do, I have held on to the pain, hurt and hate for years that, this now is breaking everything I knew and the truth is, even if I haven’t think about it for years I don’t know how to live with his remorse, is easers if he is the jerk and heartless prick but looking at him right now that picture is impossible to conjure and that is scarry. “Rich?” he asked me through my fingers and I can feel the hot air that he exhales “that’s enough, I believe you… we better start eating before it gets cold” even I am unsure of why but when I take my hand off his mouth I clean a tear that was forming in his eye, he just stay there mouth slightly open as I take my food and start eating “I wasn’t crying, I don’t do that” he says and takes his food “I know, so where does the studio´s office is?” after that the night is light, we talk about what have we been doing all this years, and I lay back from some of my harsher remarks.

“I think I haven’t had stromboli in a while, can’t believe it's still so good,” Michel said. I was the same; I don’t come here often, but I do enjoy ordering from time to time. He looks better now, the redness in his eyes is gone, “right? This places is great, we should come back some other time” I said without thinking, it was not until I look at his greening face that I realized what I said “you want to come back?” he asks and I don’t need to look at my reflection to know that my face is blushing “that´s not what I said” I try in vain to cut him off but he is relentless “you said we, so that’s you and me!” I shook my head “we is used for anyone where you are included, it could be you and I or the chef and I” he rolls his eyes and points “right Mr. Aletzio´s is just such a hunk, come on Rich” he says and he bits on his lip and I might be still angry and hating him but I have eyes, and he still looks damn fine and then I immediately shook my head to take that idea out of my head “you want to have a second hang out?” he finally asks “I… I don’t know, look this was fine, but I have a lot to think about” he is understanding I think he understand the situation he is in, even if this was okay I am still unsure of what is going to happen in the future, I don’t know if I want him in that future, I really have a lot to consider here, “Alright, I understand, then I think I´ll see you on the subway” I nod as we end the hang out.

I´m sitting on my couch with Mika in my lap. I keep rubbing her ears and scratching her tummy. “Say Mika,” I asked her as if she were a person that could answer, “You remember Michel, right?” She grunts and barks shallowly “yeah I know, that Michel… well he wants to come back into my life” she tilts her head and lick my nose “I know, and yeah I’m fine… but I don’t know maybe I could let him?” she lays her head flat on my chest, her tail thumping against my leg “look… I’m not saying he can come back as my boyfriend, or near you, not until I make sure he is to be trusted” she barks happily and licks my neck “but… another part of me wants to take a loan to get a car to never use the subway again, is that weird? … oaky I’m losing it; I’m talking to my dog… I think I need to sleep, want to go to bed?” she jumps down and walks to my room, where her bed is placed in the corner, I pick her stuffed racoon and put it near her bed she loves that toy sometimes more than me, I get into bed and check on my phone, I´m still unsure of what will be happening with this situation but I’m interested in finding out in the past, Michel would have already flooded my phone with several messages by now but he is giving me my space, maybe he is waiting for me to send a message R: … so you got home?”  I watched in amazement as the three dots appeared at the bottom of the screen. M: Yeah, just out of the shower, actually, and you? I look at the text and then around at the dark room illuminated only by the light of my phone. R: I´m in my bedroom, tough about turning in for the day. M: Rich… it's only ten, are you seriously going to sleep? I roll my eyes and smile a little bit. R: Well, in your professional opinion, what should I be doing? M: I have a couple of ideas.” He sent that with a winking emoji R: if you say anything above PG-13, I´ll murder you M: Hey, can't blame me for being hopeful, but if you still play Honor legends, we could play a few rounds.

Sunday comes and goes without fanfare, I take Mika out for a walk, and attend my kendo training, during which I get called out by the sensei after the sparring matches concludes, Yakimura Sensei an older man that is the head of the local kendo association, I know him for years, he is stern and direct during training but always makes sure we are doing okay, be it the kids that also take the course or us adults, once we are done with the closing of the training he calls me over “Richard, I noticed you were wavering during the sparrings, what have you trouble?” I sigh and hug my shinai “Sensi, a few days ago someone from collage returned to my life” he looked at me while rubbing his chin “go on” he says “well this person was… sorry I need to find the right word I don’t feel comfortable cursing in your presence” he laughs “such curtesy, but I´ll allow you this time” I nod “he was a bastard to me, insulted me, threw me away when I was no longer useful and broke my heart” his mouth twisted into an acknowledging smirk “I see, say then, why are you letting him back?” I probably look like a scared kid, I crawl into a ball around my shinai as if I wanted it for protection so much that I could hear the bamboo crunching from the pressure “… I… I don’t know.”