After the water boils, I prepare some chicken broth, and the noodles, I remember he like some heath on his soups so I also add some red peppers and salt, I sate the chicken and vegies  before cutting it into small chunks and finally adding them to the broth, after putting it on a plate I garnish it with some aromatic herbs, I took some air to call him over, but before a sound can leave my mouth I chock it, this plate looks too good, it looks like a plate I would give to my best friends, not specifically to him, I hover the spoon over the garnishing and considering take it out, to even just dump everything I bought to scare him into a plate and just service him that, but I know better, even if he was or is a jerk, I know I´m better, “Michel, the soup is ready!” he walked weakly to the table he had his eyes closed and a pained expression was painted across his face “Okay open your eyes” he did slowly he opened his left eye and quickly change his expression, “Wow” he says in a bit, he then took a fork and fished some noodles and chicken bits “This looks-” I wish I had bit own on my tongue and let him finish “like trash?” I said in a small, drowned voice “I´m sorry okay, I was wrong and this looks so good like every meal you did, and if anyone says otherwise I will stab them with my table´s pen” and I stood there, with my mind covered in white static with the only discernible noise I can make out is like every meal you did that phrase swirls and spins in my head the words lose its meaning and regain it, I can tell my knees about to give in and for as much as I had gone to therapy resolved some of this issues and even graduated from medication like every meal you did fells so impactful and powerful to me that the threat of crying becomes stronger and stronger “that means nothing to me” I try to say coldly but Michel just smiles in a way he hadn’t in a long, long time “if it does then why are you blushing?” because he knows me, because maybe just maybe all of this is real, because maybe a small part of me want this to be real, and because he has hurt me before I know that I still must be careful and don’t let myself be dazzled by his words, as the four people that saw me broke apart and help me reassemble myself will want a true proof that he can be trusted, and at the moment I don’t have it.

“I-I think I should go now.” Michel looks at me while he is eating, “Really?” he asks with a worried look on his face, and the image of him being a jerk is shattered for now, and that makes me shiver. “Yeah… I have to get home and feed Mika” I told him drily, I undo the apron and leave it in the hanger, as I make my way to the door I undo the topknot in my bangs and feel the beginning of a panic attack, one that I can’t afford to have right now, not in front of him so I force myself to walk out, even when I feel my heart thumping in my chest, even when I feel my lungs like if they were filled with mud preventing anything from coming in or out, and when I get to the other side of the door and I think I can have a breakdown I feel Michel´s hand on mine “are you okay?” he ask and I can only pant and wheeze for air, I can’t do this, not right now, and yet I let him pull me into a hug “Beath with me” he whispers into my ear and takes a big gulp of air, and I inhale his sent even while sick he wears his cologne, mint and forest fill my lungs, “and out” he says and I let the air out of my longues, he keeps me in his embrace for a moment until I can breathe on my own, “Sorry… I didn’t want to stop you, you seemed like you needed help” he says, I just nod and we part ways.

The next day, I see some of my students looking at a car parking near the entrance, where visitors can park to wait for someone, I sent a QR code to the driver and the gate opens for her, “am… teacher?” Emilio, a nice kid that is very concerned about his grades looks at me “who is that?” he points at the red card that parks in front of us “that’s my best friend, she asked me if I wanted to get lunch after work” he Ohs  as I walk to the door a few students chitchat about the driver, a woman, with long straight auburn hair, sunglasses with an orange frame, retouching her makeup “Hey dude” she says and clicks the unlock button, “Hey girl” I answer and get inside, we talk and laugh for a while, that’s Lisa for you, we´ve been friends since kinder garden, and we talk about everything and anything, which is always a blessing and unfortunately for me also what leads her to say “you look tense, what´s up Rich?” She looks at me when we hit a red light, I shift a little in the sit, “well… hypothetically, what would you do if… I don’t know let´s say, Michel is-” she narrows her eyes “I believe we know already, I have my tennis racquet on the back, and I would show him what he gets for hurting you is a broken everything and an splinted handle to the neck” I swallow “right, right I know, it was one of those days where I think what if scenarios in my head” she nods and moves the car when the light turns green, Lisa is not generally aggressive, I would say she is very sweet and caring, however, and this goes both ways, the second someone hurt any of us, is also the second things get personal, so I really need to be careful with what I say to her about Michel “Look I know your what if scenarios help you, but you know that, Mari, Elise, Me, and Bianca, will immediately smite anyone from that group” I nod “and is something I love about you four, but, work whit me here, let’s say he or anyone of them had a change of heart, what would you do?” she thinks for a moment and turns a corner, entering the parking lot form the restaurant we will be eating at “If I were you?” I nod “I would slice him in half with one of your swords for daring to get close again” this won’t be easy.

This happened like this, Lisa and I got separated in school, as she went to a different one then me, then in middle school, we found each other and it was like time never passed, soon Mari and Elise joined in and in time we became inseparable, then in Highschool Bianca joined the team, and all five of us have been therefore each other, imagine a life without any of them is something that will never be possible, and when college come around and Michel broke up with me after months of fighting and trying to get everything right I remember walking like a zombie, not to my house to look for comfort there, but to Lisa´s, they horror on her face when I ringed her doorbell, I wonder how much of a mess I looked like that she was stunned in place, I took only three steeps and collapsed to the floor, it felt cold and empty, like if inside me there was only a black hole that socked everything, I retracted into myself, contorting my limbs into a tiny ball, she sent a text and not even ten minutes later everyone was there, Lisa got me a blanket, and I felt lest cold, Mari told me everything would be okay and I believe her because she is always right, Elise patted my head and I felt lest empty lastly Bianca wrapped her wallet chain around her manicured hand and said that she was going to take the trash out, the rest stopped her but I was okay with her punching the teeth out of Michel´s mouth, like I said unbreakable

“Okay Richard, listen” Lisa said while we waited for our food, “what did I tell you I had an ulterior motive for this hang out” I stopped drinking water and raised my eyebrow “which is?” she mailed and showed me a picture of a guy in her phone, he was wearing a tight sweater and waving in a picture, in another one he was in an office with a nice suit, he had piercing blue eyes and a cute smile and he was in his swimming trunks in the beach in the last one, holding a coconut in his hand “is that your new boyfriend?” Lisa bit her lip. “Elis?” “Wrong again, but you are getting warmer.” It had to be Binaca´s as Mari got married to her high school sweetheart; however, that´s not Bianca´s type, she likes them with tattoos and a motorbike, so I blew air into my drink. “Well, Richi, he could be your boyfriend?” “Say what?” I answered quickly, the straw still in my mouth, “This guy here is Justin Lorel, new hire for the company I work at, he started to follow me on Instagram, and when he saw the pictures I have with you, he asked me, ' Is that guy your boyfriend? And when I said no he said does he have a girlfriend?” she made a pause for drama and then continued “so I told him, you are not really into girls that much so he hits me with do you think maybe you could… introduce me?” I nod and perk my lower lip “so now you are selling me to the best buyer? She rolled her eyes “I mean think about it, he is hot, you are hot and hot people date each other” he logic is good, however, I don’t know about him and with Michel now back in the picture this is difficult, I don’t really have a good enough explanation for saying no, more over if I don’t she will get suspicious, can’t really date him because Michel… wait! He doesn’t factor into this; he broke up with me… so why does it feel bad to think about going out with someone that´s not him?

I smile as normal as I could “Ye…yeah, I would like to am… meet him” Lisa clapped happily, and sent him a text “I knew you would like him, he is the best, the other day he brough lunch to everyone and…” she kept talking but I tuned her out as I was yelling on the inside, okay Richard this is fine, lets analyze this as if I was at work, Justin is just someone I don’t even know, Lisa is been very kind for this, and a date doesn’t have to mean something, but… what about Michel? While it´s true he did get a second chance, that didn’t extend to him being my suitor. I don’t even know if he… “I could think of a few things,” I remembered his words in texts, how he brushes his foot against my leg, the way he hugged me during the panic attack, and God, his smell, that sweet smell, damn if he hadn’t been sick, maybe that interaction would hav… I need to get a grip on my thoughts! Oh crap I haven’t said anything in around three minutes Lisa is looking at me I need to say something, something good “oh so he is very kind” nailed it, now I can go back to spiraling out of control in my own head lunch ended with me getting an Instagram following request form Justin, he then sent me a message to start a conversation.