Kacey pushed Varian against the kitchen counter. His arms caged Varian in to the point he had nowhere else to go. There was no one else around to see the two of them, but that wasn’t exactly the reason why Varian was scared.

He was terrified by the way his body liked being pushed around. There was no other way to explain the burning fire in his gut or the way he wanted to spread his legs so Kacey could get closer to him.

That wasn’t why they were in this position though. Varian turned his head, too aware of the fact that if someone did walk in, they would think he and Kacey were making out. That wasn’t what they were doing. Not even close.

Kacey stepped away after a second. He took a look at the alcohol lined up on the kitchen counter. He tapped his long fingers on the white tiles.

Varian wasn’t good at drinking. A lot of the things Kacey wanted him to drink weren’t things he could get down by himself.

Kacey grabbed a bottle shaped like a flask. Varian had no clue what was in it, if he would be able to keep it down, or if it would mess him up until the late morning. He wasn’t going to ask any questions because he’d asked Kacey to get him so drunk he didn’t remember anything.

And maybe that said something about his headspace. He needed help, but instead of getting it, he was just going to fuck up his brain so much he forgot he was fucked up.

Even thinking about it now gave him a headache.

Kacey poured a considerate amount into the random clean cup he found in the cabinet. He held it up to Varian’s mouth, pressing the rim to his bottom lip.

They’d done this before. When Varian could still stomach the idea of having fun at a party, it wasn’t unusual to find himself backed up against a kitchen counter. It was a never ending fight with himself and Kacey. Kacey was good at forcing Varian to do things he didn’t want to. It was always better when Varian asked for it. There was more conviction behind it than Kacey just being a dickhead to him.

The last time things hadn’t ended well. Varian had passed out with his head in the toilet, barfing so hard he’d popped blood vessels on his face. The tiny dots didn’t fade until the week after.

He was hoping this time it would be worse. 

He wanted the pain to linger for months.

Kacey caged him in again. The lukewarm liquid touched his lips.

“Is this okay? For me to touch you?”

Varian parted his lips. The alcohol burned his tongue. He choked as he swallowed it down. It burned his throat and nose. He wiped his mouth and Kacey pulled the cup away.

“It’s not…” He could hear his own hesitation at the end. He couldn’t quite come up with the words to explain how this was different than it had been in the forest. Though, the time in the forest was different than the times with his mom and others.

“But?” Kacey had caught on. He knew there was something Varian wasn’t saying.

He decided to not finish what he was saying. It was too much work explaining the illogical workings of his own mind.

He waved his hand blindly at the bottles. “Again.”

Kacey narrowed his eyes. He pressed the cup to Varian’s lips again, harder than the last time. Their eyes met over the bottom of the cup. He was angry. He placed his hand on the side of Varian’s neck, keeping him firmly in place. Varian swallowed what he was given once more. It burned worse than the last time.

He thought Kacey was going to let up again like he’d done before, but he didn’t. Varian gagged, choking as Kacey poured more into his mouth than he could handle. He slammed his hand to Kacey’s chest, but it did nothing to help him swallow down the drink.

This was what he’d wanted anyway. This was why he always asked Kacey to help him. If he tried on his own, he wouldn’t be able to get any of it down.

He was crying. Snot ran down his face by the time he got it all down. 

Kacey removed the cup and placed it on the counter. He rubbed his thumb on the base of Varian’s neck. 

“Good. You got it all down. That should be enough.”

Varian was always surprised how quick he got drunk when Kacey helped him. He usually blacked out in a matter of minutes.

He was still coughing. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Kacey pressed his thumb again to the base of Varian’s throat. 

Varian swallowed. 

“Varian?”

Kacey stepped away. His hip hit the kitchen counter.

Standing in the doorway was Hazel. 

She looked good. “Amazing” was Varian’s first thought.

She wore dark blue jeans, a green velvet tank with a light gray sweater, and combat boots. She looked frail and like a bad ass at the same time. Her curly brown hair brought up memories of the camping trip.

He got nauseas thinking about it. Not about her. Just her touching him.

She looked from him to Kacey. The bewildered look on her face was more than unsettling. Her brows were close to her forehead but the more she took in what was going on, the lower they got. She looked ready to kill someone.

“What’s going on?”

She held an open bag of chips. The dark lipstick on her lips made her lips look bigger and Varian couldn’t help it when he imagined the red was something other than lipstick.

He flushed when he realized what exactly he’d been thinking.

He was a sick person.

“Nothing. I don’t think it’s any of your business,” Kacey clipped back. He made a point to look at his nails like he couldn’t be bothered to participate in a conversation with her.

Out of all the years of Varian being with Hazel and Kacey being his friend, they still couldn’t get along with each other. They would die before they would ever have a peaceful conversation with one another. 

Hazel marched across the room. She slammed the chip bag on the counter. The chips smashed, cracking under the weight of her fist. It would have been comical if it wasn’t for the look on her face.

She was so angry. Varian knew that look. She’d been angry with him sometimes, but not to this level. It was usually toward others—or his friends. She’d been so mad one time she’d been close to tears.

That was happening now.

And against all the disgust rising with him, he wanted to reach out to her. He still found comfort in the idea of hugging her and basking in her warmth. He could imagine the way it would feel to touch skin to skin.

The nights they slept together couldn’t be erased entirely by bad memories. 

He couldn’t bring himself to do any of that. He still didn’t know where the boundaries between them laid anymore. He hadn’t tried to talk to her. And she hadn’t bothered to reach out to him. Was she over it all? Did she even want to be with him?

“I think it is my business.” She knocked the cup Varian had been drinking out of onto the floor. It was empty. The cup merely bounced on the linoleum until it rolled to the far corner. “He’s still my boyfriend.”

Varian’s ears rang. 

Boyfriend.

She said it. He was still her boyfriend and she was still his girlfriend.

He felt secure, safer when she put a claim on him. 

Kacey scoffed. “When’s the last time you talked to him? Do you think he still wants you?”

“Ugh. You were always an asshole.”

Hazel flipped him off and turned around to face Varian. Her eyes softened some, but she was still pissed.

“Come find me if you want to talk.”

She threw one last glare at Kacey and she left, leaving the chip bag behind.

Kacey stuck his tongue out at her. “What a bitch. I can’t believe you slept with that thing.”

Varian ignored him. He was still looking in the direction Hazel had disappeared into the crowd. 

He had to talk to her. He couldn’t keep running away from the problem. Who knew. Maybe this would work things out of the big knot his life was in at the moment. 

“Shut up, Kacey. She’s still my girlfriend.”

“Seriously?”

He didn’t look back when he left. He already knew Kacey was glaring at him.

This time he didn’t care.