The rain pellets hammered on the roof in a chaotic but uniform sound, a contrast to her state of mind. The chilly breeze carried along an earthy smell through the open window. 

June pulled herself up and shut the window. The alarm went off seconds later, filling the room with sharp noise.

It was 6:am.

Then she heard, a low soft voice from the living room. Keighley was talking to someone.

She got out of bed and headed towards the door. Then peeped through the small opening and saw Keighley was on phone.

"No, I won't make it. I can't leave her...No am not leaving a friend who needs me. Even if it costs my grade." Keighley stressed pacing around the room. "It doesn't matter... A semester can be repeated but a lost person won't come back."

June leaned against the door. Slowly shutting it behind her. The tightness in her chest had returned.

Keighley was willing to give up a semester for her. Was she really that important. 

The guilt settled deeper in her chest. 

She had never learned how to accept sacrifices, only how to make them. Even with Ryan, she had sacrificed her mental wellbeing trying to find what hurt him.

After the evening she met with Dexter. She couldn't sleep knowing she had cancelled on Ryan. She had checked her phone multiple times during the night and no call or texts from him, which felt rather unusual. She called him, no response.  

She then decided to go to him the next day and make up for it. Ryan had always been understanding and he would maybe answer her questions.

The next day when she arrived at the Ryan's apartment, she headed in, his favorite chocolate cookies freshly baked in one hand, a peace tribute she thought. But then, just around the corner, she spotted Dexter at Ryan's door. 

His posture was stiff but his shoulders sunken. Even from the side view, June saw that his eyes held a different emotion. A dark withdrawn and yet determined expression. 

Dexter then knocked on the door softly and it creaked open then carefully stepped in and the door shut behind him.

June stayed behind the corner. She didn't know why but her feet stuck to the ground.

She wanted to go over and find out why Dexter was there, but her feet failed her. The memories of the last evening flashed through her mind and sharp ringing in her ears got even louder.

She turned around to leave, her feet still felt like jelly. She didn't have the courage to face Ryan then so she left. 

Later that week, after Ryan’s exams ended, June finally went looking for Ryan with questions that had been weighing down her heart, mostly of them about Molly.

She found Ryan right behind the library. He leaned on the wall, the calm afternoon wind rustling through his hair. When he saw her, he quickly pushed against the wall and skipped towards her with a smile so wide June wanted to forget about Molly and accept him in the present.

She hugged him tight. As if she already knew he was slipping away. 

But he pulled away fast. June reached for his hand, but he had already shoved them into his pockets and started walking ahead of her.

Her heart sunk, he wasn't looking at her like the way he used too. This was a new Ryan, and June hated it. Her eyes fell to the ground trying to hide the tears forming.

Something about him reminded her of a state she had fought so hard to avoid. 

She caught up to him and stepped in front of him. Stopping him from going any further.

" Ryan can we talk please." He nodded with a puzzled expression. 

Then came June's apology.

"I am sorry... Ryan for cancelling on --"

"It's okay June, I know everything," he Cut her off. "I know you met up with Dexter." 

Ryan gently patted her head. " I don't mind seriously." 

It should have comforted her. Instead, it felt strange, like a line said at the wrong time.

She told a deep breath, then looked at him. His hand still on her head. "Dexter," she started. " Dexter told me about Molly." She added as she watched his face shift quick from a smile to a much unreadable expression.

He quickly withdrew his hand from her head and his face turned pale.

She still persisted." Ryan, hear your side of the sto-"

He leaned in, his voice low and shaky, "can... can we please not talk about this now."

Something in her snapped. " Ryan...why won't you tell me... "

Ryan's took a step back. His eyes now flaring

“Can’t you just let this go?” Ryan snapped.

“You cancelled on me just to go around talking about my life. And you think you can just ask questions and expect answers?”

“I just want to believe you, Ryan,” she yelled back. “That you wouldn’t do something like that.”

Their argument drew attention. Students nearby slowed, then stopped to watch at listen spreading whispers quickly about a fight and cheating.

Ryan suddenly covered his ears. His eyes dilated, breath turning ragged as he gripped his chest like it physically hurt.

As the crowd thickened even more, June watched the color drain from his skin. Sweat beaded along his temples. His hands pressed tighter over his ears while his eyes darted wildly, searching for escape.

He staggered toward her and leaned his head against her shoulder, as if he was holding himself up.

She felt his heartbeat racing against her fast and uneven. His breath was shallow and warm against her ear. The hand holding hers cold.

“I’m sorry, June,” he whispered. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

He pulled away, stumbling back as though his body could no longer keep up with him.

With Ryan gone, June's insomnia returned.

She went to his favorite places. The baseball court, the art club room, photography club, the park. He wasn't there anymore. Every call and every message she made went unanswered.

Eventually she hid too, replaying everything that had happened between them. She loved being around Ryan. He made her feel seen. He listened, even when she said nothing.

She didn’t want to lose what they had built.

She forced herself not to think about Molly- his past. June was his present, and nothing good ever came from digging up what was already buried.

In the end, she decided to go to him.

The rain didn’t stop that day, as if it were trying to hold her back.

But she went anyway.

She held her umbrella strong against the wind, her coat barely shielding her from the cold.

By the time she reached his door, she was soaked all over, her umbrella broken and rendered useless in her hand.

She pulled out the key, the proposal he had given her, the unspoken invitation into his life. With trembling hands, she opened the door.

Ryan stood there, as if he had been waiting.

His once bright emerald eyes were dull and lifeless, his lips chapped. The room behind him was dark and damp, heavy with silence.

June didn’t think. She stepped into his arms.

He held her tight as the door quietly shut behind them. Then pulled away, turning his back to her.“You... shouldn’t be here.”

“You said I’m always welcome,” June replied softly. “So I came.”

She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his back.

Ryan broke, as if whatever had been holding him together couldn't hold anymore. His body shook with quiet heavy sobs.

“She was right June,” he whispered. “I’m doomed to be alone.”

He stammered between sobs. “I...m I'm.. sorry, June. I’m so sorry.”

He turned and leaned into her, his head sinking against her shoulder holding her arms tight." I Don't want to hurt you... but you just keep getting closer..." His weight pulled them down as exhaustion finally overtook him.

He fell asleep there, in her arms, on the floor.

"I don't want to leave you," June whispered as she leaned on the wall, sleep also catching up to her. 

She woke later to gentle movement being lifted, placed into a soft bed, a blanket drawn over her. Her eyes fluttered open just enough to see Ryan walking away.

She reached for his hand and he turned meeting her eyes. She didn't want him to go but she didn't want to say it to him.

He smiled, small and tired then climbed onto the bed, resting on top of the covers. June moved closer, laying her head on his chest.

His heartbeat was uneven, but strangely comforting, like a lullaby.

She woke in the morning to find him gone.

A note lay near the lamp on the little table besides the bed.

Gone to deal with something.

Clothes in the shower. Breakfast on the table.

Thank you.

I love you.

And June was happy.

She didn’t know it then, but it would be the last time they were ever together like this.

Just then, a soft knock brought June back to the present.