During practice, Kagane shows no abnormalities. She stays focused and perfect per usual. Me, on the other hand? Errors aside, my mind flickers elsewhere. All of my nervous glances at Kagane go ignored. When she does address me, no signs mischievous smile I witnessed today appears. Everything so ordinary, by the end of practice, I think I might have had a vivid daydream.

I pick up my things and head for the door. After this, I was planning to practice singing a little more and take a nap. But should I go to the doctor instead? That level of hallucinating can’t be normal, right?

A hand slides to the surface of my back. Its position firm, the feeling through my shirt soft.

Her breath tickles my ears, met with a melodious, low voice. “Goodbye, Yuzu.”

Shock surges through every nerve within, making me shake from the impact. Whatever air I had in me, leaves as if I puked it out. Kagane exits, amused with a peaceful stride.

The next day.

I come down for breakfast with Sophi, Bibi, and Rei.

I beeline to the pancake waiting for me in the microwave, and input a suitable time. Rei made pancakes for the four of us, since everyone else is busy. They’re cold by the time I come down, because I slept late. So while the others are eating and chatting, I’m reheating, eager to eat. Sophi asks about my dorm situation with Kagane and my subunit and discussions ensue. Then, finally, I sit down at the table. The two of them have finished their food, so they look at me a concerned.

They say. “Yuzu, you’re not going to get a drink?” and motion to my plate. I’m so ready to eat, I forgot, and I toil over it until I decide that I’ll get up for it whenever I’m thirsty.

Thock.

The collision between the bottom of a plastic cup and the kitchen table speaks before I can. A cup filled with lemonade from my favorite cafe sits right next to my pancake. Kagane appears behind me. When did she get her— Kagane gives me a firm pat on the shoulder and disappears. The three girls across the table look at me for an explanation, but I have none.

The day after.

Kagane and I have a schedule again. I wake up on time, but Kagane arrives at the car before me. Sitting on her phone, she doesn’t look up at me when she speaks, but her voice has the same singsongy tone when she tells me good morning. I’m not used to it yet, so I give her a weak reply and sit stiff, through the entire ride.

When we arrive, she practically leaps from her seat. Kagane moves, I move, so I try to follow her pace. Presuming her urgency comes from good reason, I practically wrestled to undo my belt buckle, but it won’t give as fast as I want it to.

My car door opens with Kagane on the other side. It all happens so fast. She rests her right arm on my car seat as she leans in close, eyes on me. Her other hand slides over mine before shooing it away. The image of Kagane, leaning over me, staring me directly in the eye, with her hand having held mine a few seconds prior, with the fact that she is… so, so, close. It’s too much for me to handle, so I look back at her, dumbfounded.

Ever so slightly, her arm flexes when her hand undoes the seat belt. My heart nearly dies and pumps extra beats in panic. She scans me up and down, a small laugh puffs her chest, a smirk growing on her lips, before pulling away.

“Come on, Yuzu,” like she’s calling a puppy. I get up and follow her in without protest.

This continues for the next week.

One day, she stops me from falling and takes extra care to brush off my shoulders. Another day, I come home to find my favorite guilty pleasure cookies under my covers. Whenever I lose something, Kagane shows up minutes later with the lost item in her hand. During our schedules together, she makes an effort to get close to me at least once.

Outside of these incidents, she’s her normal self. She still gives me her normal resting glare, which makes these moments too unpredictable to expect. Everything will be moving the same; sometimes she’s not even there, and she appears to give me a heart attack. I can’t figure out when she’ll strike next.

In the following week, I have realized a few things about Kagane. One, her graceful walk doesn’t solely look pretty, they make her footsteps thin in silence. Gifting her stealth I never knew of. Two, she wears mature fragrances that make your head swoon when she’s close. Three, Kagane knows a lot more about me than I’ve ever told her or anyone. Possibly because we sleep in the same room, but when was she ever so attentive towards anything other than her pursuits?

The ambiguity of it all, both in her actions and motive, has raised both my attraction and fear of her. Never have both feelings ever been so equally matched. But even now, looking at her from across the room has caused both feelings to pool in my chest.

Another practice for our subunit song starts soon. Kagane made sure to greet me instead of ignoring me, but she didn’t look at me. During rehearsals, she doesn’t appear nearly as interested in engaging with me. Looking at her still amazes me, though. She stretches and warms up with precision, but at the same time, it looks like there’s so much going through her mind.

The choreographer enters. “Are the two of you warmed up, because if so, we can get started. I made some changes to the performance so—” she looks at me, “Yuzu, are you okay? You look out of it.”

“Huh, what?” I must’ve been spacing out, “No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You seem a little, “ she waves her hand in front of her face, “not here.”

“I’m a little tired because I’ve been waking up so early, that’s all,” I wave my hand frantically, “I need a little more time to wake up, don’t worry.”

The choreographer seems satisfied with my reasoning, because I am tired from my new sleep schedule, but the true reason for my mentality pins me down with her signature glare. Is she worried that I’ll ruin practice or something?

“Right, so like I was saying. I was thinking about what you mentioned to me, Kase, and I do think there’s a few things that should be added to the performance. It feels too safe.”

Kagane asked for choreography changes? She rarely ever does that. What did she suggest? We’ve already learned the whole song. If she wants a change, she must feel strongly about it. It’s clear she wants this song to go perfectly and get the reception it deserves. Maybe this sparked her recent behavior. To build up fan anticipation for the subunit, and the things she does behind closed doors must be some form of method acting.

“Yuzu, are you okay with things getting more daring?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine with anything if it helps.”

“Perfect, let’s get started.”

I didn’t think about what ‘daring’ meant. I assumed that if Kagane suggested it, it was probably for the best. And as expected, she’s right, but I should’ve mentally prepared myself. My heart. My poor, fragile heart can’t take this!

“Okay, so before, the two of you would pass by one another to the new formation, but now the two of you will slow down as you cross. Kase stroke Yuzu’s face. After that, both of you will need to speed up to get to the new formation in time. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Kagane answers with a firm nod.

All of the new changes have been like this. They’re all so… Romantic. The original choreo was a little suggestive, but nothing like this. This must be why Kagane has been acting this way, to prepare. Still, though, maybe it’s because I actually like her, but none of her ‘method acting’ makes it any easier to stay calm.

We get into position. The choreographer hits play, and the metronome sounds. Each tick makes my heart pang and my breath shorten, but I keep it under control and move once the music starts. It’s a simple execution. I must focus so that my feelings don’t slow practice down.

First, the dance leading up to the new formation, then… The cross. I turn like I should, sharp and powerful. Kagane’s stepping forward, as I am. She nears closer as I near, and in the middle, my feet roll to a stop long enough for her. Kagane’s fingers softly cascade my cheek. Her thumb waves over my skin one last time before letting go. I can’t help but swallow, looking into those dark blue eyes.

The moment ends. She’s gone, and I hustle to my spot in time with elegant steps. However, my heart is anything but elegant. It beats faster than the music, not slowing even when it stops. I take in a deep, measured breath, controlled enough to fly under the radar, so no one notices. I need to focus and not let this slow me down. I will get through this. I will be a professional idol.

“Let’s run through it one more time. Yuzu needs to get to her spot a little faster. And, Kase, I want you to stroke her right cheek so the audience can see it.”

I’m gonna pass out.