ㅤ ALEKSEI

ㅤ My own voice echoes throughout the living room, even if I don’t open my mouth. The oath I swore to Hel hits me like a tidal wave, dragging me down and sinking me into anguish. It’s summer, but through the glass walls of the floor-to-ceiling windows I can hear the ominous crackle of ice crystals forming. It’s as if it turns you into a stone ready to be carved. My words are written there in runes and in relief, the same words that echo everywhere:

May my flesh rot if I break my word.

May hunger devour me if I spare a single one of them.

By your bones and your throne, Hel, I swear.

As long as death walks beside me, and the blood of the living stains my mouth, I will not cease.

Until the last one has fallen, my breath will be yours and my soul will seek NO REST.

ㅤ Maëlle, still on my lap, seems to be getting restless with my silence. I give her an awkward smile to reassure her, but I know that my eyes are still fixed on the void. "I thought I saw something, but it was just a mistake." I assure her, pulling myself together.

ㅤ Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Maëlle looking around, searching for what is bothering me so much. My insides churn vigilantly, now standing in the room, all my choices are reduced to repetitive thoughts, don’t let her look! She can’t see!

ㅤ The redhead asks, “Where are you going?” Curious eyes are looking me up and down. She has one of her eyebrows raised and a little pout that shows her distrust. I convince her that I’m just going to get some wine from the cellar, as she herself had suggested earlier, and as I walk away I can see that she’s concentrating on something on her phone screen.

ㅤ Maybe that’s the only way she won’t notice the abnormal silence spreading throughout the room. Our house is surrounded by nature, but even though I try hard, I don’t hear the insects or the countless species of birds competing for territory. Looking at the inert leaves of the trees, it’s as if everything around the house has stopped living.

ㅤ The previously warm air seems to freeze from the inside out. I stare at the harsh shadow, darker than the night even in the light, coming towards the balcony, dragging the vegetation where it goes. I know it’s here to see me.

ㅤ I turn on the lights in the cellar, one of the narrowest rooms in the house. A piercing silence. I didn’t see when he came in, but I felt his presence. Maëlle is just above us, distant and safe in her own world.

ㅤ I don’t even notice when my teeth start grinding. Fists clenched, my hands tingle with tension. It’s even more annoying to know that messengers like this are immaterial. What touches the cellar floor is a drag of liquid darkness, so dense that it soaks through.

ㅤ “Until the last one has fallen, does that sound familiar to you?” The voice echoing in multiple tones seems to reverberate on another plane before finally becoming my voice. The fabric covering him is grayish and partly translucent, fluttering around him even when he is standing still and there is no wind. “You want to be one of them... one of them. Pathetic.”

ㅤ I can feel my face darkening. My jaw clenched, and I tried to suppress the roar stuck in my throat. “What the hell are you talking about?” I say through gritted teeth, impatient.

ㅤ I want to tear him apart. Not metaphorically. Not in my mind. I want to feel my claws cracking his skull.

ㅤ “The pact.” The messenger points, and I loosen my grip on my fists. For a moment, I forget my anger and blink in disbelief. “You are still exceeding the time of the pact, Garmr.”

ㅤ I avert my gaze. My jaw drops a few millimeters, and before I take a hesitant step, I swallow hard. I know what he means, and it makes me feel cornered. The tension in my body melts away, and I find myself staring at the cellar door. I can hear her voice from here, smiling as she talks to someone on the phone. Her happiness seems contagious, and I find myself wondering how she would react if she knew.

ㅤ The simple idea that comes to mind is boiling blood. Me deliberately postponing the inevitable? That’s impossible!

ㅤ In seconds, I shrug my shoulders, regaining my composure. The anger and hesitation that once consumed me give way to a massive silence.

ㅤ The messenger interrupts, “You know she’ll never understand, right? No matter how hard you try.” 

ㅤ I pull the bottle of French wine, Chateau Petrus, and two glasses from the shelf. I’m not in the habit of drinking on my own, since I only learned to do so to adapt to Maëlle’s reality, but this shitty situation makes every cell in my body, even my guts, scream for a drink.

ㅤ As I approach the living room again, I can hear Maëlle’s voice becoming clearer. Your eyes find me standing there watching, and I can see your joy reflected in a broad, sincere smile. 

ㅤ I swallow hard, averting my gaze from her eyes. I try to hide my discomfort.

ㅤ “What’s got you so excited?” I ask as I see her repeatedly stamping her feet in an excited burst.

ㅤ “The inauguration...” she says, reminding me. She takes a glass from between my fingers and holds it out so I can pour the wine. “I’m sure the opening will be a success. It’s surreal how wonderfully amazing everything is going, don’t you think?”

ㅤ I nod in agreement.

ㅤ I cannot blame her for not knowing that her joy will soon be claimed. When I placed that ring on her finger, she had no idea what she was getting herself into. That’s part of who she is. It wasn’t naivety; it was pure presumption.

ㅤ What I know is that there will be no turning back. I should forget her name and erase her face from my memory, but instead I remain here, watching the sun warm up again through the window, while I listen to her slowly talk about things that are important to her.

ㅤ The wind carries the distant sound of the property’s bell. For some reason, it sounds like a farewell. Three long rings. Each one heavier than the last.

ㅤ Being here no longer weighs on my shoulders, but on my chest. Carnage is inevitable, and the inevitable will always be more cruel.