“I'm bringing someone home on Saturday…”

The words repeated in Xander's head a thousand times before he could fully process them. Luka was going to have sex this weekend. Sex with someone that wasn’t Xander.

Back when they were friends with benefits, Xander knew that Luka was sleeping with other people. Luka had been upfront about it, and although they didn't talk about it much and it wasn't like Luka shared any intimate graphic details about his other relationships, Xander knew. 

He didn't care at the start, he cared a little later on, and he cared a lot when he realised he had feelings for Luka. But now? Now he wasn't sure how he felt—how he was meant to feel. The slight discomfort in his gut told Xander he still cared, but the lack of tightness in his chest told him he didn't care enough to be angry or jealous. Then again, he never had any right to be angry or jealous. Xander realised that early on, but only after spending time apart did he really acknowledge it. 

They weren't dating. They never were. So, Xander couldn't—shouldn’t—be jealous. Right?

“...so as per our agreement, I’m letting you know in advance.” 

Xander mentally kicked himself. He had been the one to make it a rule that if Luka was going to bring someone home that he should give Xander a warning. And that was exactly what Luka was doing. Was Xander going to regret that rule?

He needed to respond. How was he supposed to respond? Thanks for the heads up? Use protection? Have fun? What did Xander used to say to his friends when they told him they were spending the night with their girlfriends? He would make a joke and they would move on. Could he do that here? 

Xander inhaled a deep breath to gather his nerves. Breathe. 

“Don't forget to use protection,” he finally said, opting to keep things lighthearted. It was a joke his high school friends often said to one another, but there had always been a bit of seriousness behind the words. 

Xander turned around and stared at Luka, waiting to see his reaction. Bright violet eyes widened before softening again. Luka's playful grin made the discomfort in Xander's gut disappear—damn, Xander really loved Luka's smile. 

“Yes, mum,” Luka moaned in his playful voice that always made Xander forget that he was supposed to be the younger of the two. 

The two continued to joke around until Luka excused himself for bed. 

After showering and brushing his teeth, Xander also got ready to sleep, changing into a pair of short-sleeved green and grey tartan pajamas. He crawled into bed and covered himself with the blanket that felt thinner than his own back home and colder than the one in Luka's room. The pillow wasn't moulded to his shape and the walls seemed much further away at night. Was the room always this big? 

He started to feel homesick again. 

There were creaking and faraway noises from the streets outside. The air in the room felt too cold for a mid-spring night. The uncomfortable feeling that surrounded the room eventually congregated in his gut, before slowly crawling its way up to his chest—once again reminding him that he was, in fact, jealous. 

Xander took a long, slow, deep breath in, forced his eyes shut, and lay in bed for another hour before sleep finally soothed him.