Lotus

The heat of the morning sun settled on her skin, but Lotus didn’t want to open her eyes.

That way, she could be sure that Rose and dad were right there, just out of reach. She didn’t hear anything, but dad would have probably gone out hunting anyway, and Rose was probably just sleeping in. Unlike Lotus, Rose slept in a very proper manner, so Lotus wasn’t expecting to get hit by a stray arm — in fact, not being hit by a stray arm was proof that Rose was still right next to her!

She convinced herself as she opened her eyes.

The fire had eaten itself down to embers, the last wisps drawing tiny grey spirals in the air, a gentle reminder of the horrors she witnessed the day before.

Lotus curled up and didn’t move, she was okay where she was. She didn’t want to accept that even if she turned her head, looked around the wide clearing, and searched the whole entire forest, she wouldn’t be able to find Rose or Basil. 

So she just sat, gazing into the embers of the dying fire.

She began replaying the best parts of yesterday in her head, hoping to overwrite the reality she never asked for.

Waking up, knowing that today was the day dad would take her hunting, adrenaline coursing through her body.

The stupid look on Rosie’s face when she was sleeping, a far cry from the little prim front she would put on when she was awake.

Grabbing her bow, breathing the crisp morning air, heading out to the clearing to get some practice shots in.

Her dad again, coming to see her progress, and helping her improve her form.

She smiled. Strangely the annoying moments felt even more comforting. 

Then the hunt. Oh, the hunt. It was everything she imagined it would be! She learned so much from her dad, and bantering with him was one of the best feelings in her life. He wasn’t just her dad anymore. At that moment, she was his best friend, and he was her best friend, teaching her all that she needed to know about being a hunter.

“You’re a hunter now.” She said in her dad’s voice, putting her hand on her own head, remembering the warm hand that was there yesterday. Her hand wasn’t as big or rough, but it did the job, a sad confidence bubbling up within her.

“You’re a hunter now!” Lotus stopped her reminiscing, standing up as she rubbed tear stains off of her face. “I’m a hunter, just like dad!” 

She picked up her bow, still wearing her quiver from yesterday. She only had a few arrows left, so she would have to use them sparingly. She double checked that she had all her things with her, then marched into the forest.

The conviction that Lotus entered the forest with was short lived. Even as the sun reached its zenith, she hadn’t shot a single arrow. Being a hunter was a lot harder to do when you couldn’t stand the sight of corpses.

Lotus caught her breath against a tree, throat bone dry despite the misty mountain air. She had exhausted all of the water in her body yesterday, and hadn’t thought about replenishing her fluids until she was halfway up the mountain. She felt less like a hunter than ever. 

Her father would have been ready. He would have packed, assessed, rationed — all the preparation that she'd never had to think about. She was starting to realize how many of those invisible things there were.

Then she remembered — on their way up yesterday, Basil spotted a river on the other side of the mountain. Lotus breathed a sigh of relief. At least she could still think on her feet.

She began making her way to the opposite side of the mountain, braving unfamiliar scenery without her father ahead of her as a trailblazer. It was only her second time in the mountains, still unaware of all the dangers that might be lurking around the next bend, but she was determined to act like a seasoned veteran. 

She suddenly stopped, hearing voices in the distance. She strained her ears to make out what they were saying. 

“I saw smoke coming out of the forest earlier this morning, it should be somewhere around here—”

“Why couldn’t it have just been a random fire? I’m pretty sure we got everyone, even the exile with the green cloak came running.”

Lotus’ blood ran cold. It was a continuation of yesterday’s nightmare, searching for the one it failed to devour.

“Haha, Aybar was too careless this time around, Velaris really gave him one of the worst thrashings I’ve seen. Right now, we’re just cleaning up his mess, but you’ll soon learn that natural fires are never this small. No, this was most likely another exile who had run off. Where there’s smoke, there’s usually something worth investigating.”

“No no no no no…” Lotus didn’t think that the strangers would still be snooping around the mountain. She had to get away, the clearing wasn’t safe anymore. Nowhere was safe anymore.

Lotus kept running forward, determined to put as much distance as she could between her and the smoke. The mountain blurred around her — she wasn't listening to the ground the way her father had taught her, wasn't watching where she wasn't stepping, and her footfalls cracked through every dry branch and loose stone in her path, but she didn't care. 

Before she knew it, she had reached the river. She heard it before she saw it: a rolling, continuous thunder coming from everywhere at once, swelling with every step she took until it swallowed all other sound entirely. Up on the ridge yesterday it had been a thin silver thread woven into the valley floor, something her father had casually pointed out in passing. Down here it was a living thing, wide and white-churned and furious, filling her chest with a vibration she felt more in her ribs than heard with her ears. Its magnificence almost made her forget about its danger.

The riverbank was far higher than the river itself, the strength of the current having carved a deep crevasse into the earth for it to run through. Lotus peered over the edge and then hastily stepped back. She had no idea how she was supposed to drink from it, let alone get across. She began moving along the bank, looking for a lower point, somewhere the rock shelved down and gave her access, but then she heard the strangers again, much closer this time.

“Hmmm, was it here?”

"Celona!" A voice, strained and urgent, coming from somewhere in the trees behind her. "Come back immediately! Velaris charged me with making sure you understood the full scope of our responsibilities out here, and I have no desire to end up like Aybar. The smoke is what we should be investigating, not every sound in the undergrowth!" It was a commanding line, but his tone made it almost sound like a plea.

"I will, I will," came the noncommittal reply. "But a rustling in the forest is far more likely to be the exile than a cold campfire, wouldn’t it?" Then under her breath, “Although it would be even more likely to be something more tasty…” “Ah?” An exclamation came from behind Lotus, sharp and clear. “I think I found it.”

Lotus turned her head, just enough to see the girl from yesterday, looking at her with surprise. 

The girl’s face flooded her brain with the images she’d been trying to suppress all day, Rose’s emaciated corpse, the rows of dead village children, her father…

Basil’s final lesson. It was so obvious, she didn’t know why she hadn’t thought of it earlier. She let out a short, almost hysterical laugh. The ledge didn’t seem nearly as intimidating as it was a moment ago.

“I return my life to the earth, to be preserved until the Immortals return.” 

Lotus leapt into the river, water filling her parched lungs, letting the white currents wash her away. Yesterday’s events would soon truly be a dream. It almost felt…therapeutic.

She was no hunter. She was just a girl, too stupid to follow instructions, too weak to save her family, too naive to live on her own. She needed her father, needed her sister, needed her mother, if she was going to survive. 

And they would be there. In her next life.