Then Arlo pointed the my thighs, my scars… fuck! “Did you get those scars from your old job? Wait, they’re so symmetrical and perfect to be from battle, how’d you get them?” Arlo asked.

“I… I-” I felt my breath shortening again.

What would Arlo think if I told him I caused them? Would he see me as deranged-

“Hey, never mind, forget I asked.” Arlo noticed my shortening breath and grounded me before I had a full on panic attack like earlier.

“Thanks…” I mumbled.

“I hit a nerve- well I guess I caused a trigger didn’t I? I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Arlo asked.

“I… yeah. It’s fine, you don’t mean to. You’re forgiven.”

“I’m glad.” Arlo hesitated, “Do you… do you want a hug?”

I debated. I so deeply wanted one... but I felt like the dam keeping my emotions in check would break if I had it. I chose to lean towards him and then wrap my arms around his neck. I really wanted a hug, and I needed it. Arlo hugged me back and wrapped his arms around my waist holding me closer.

I did break. I sobbed into his shoulder, it was nice to cry in someone’s arms. It was so comforting, that he was willing to listen to my cries without needing to listen to the reason for my tears. I held on really tight to him, I didn’t realize how much I needed my eyes to speak for me since my mouth couldn’t form the words to explain how broken I am.

“Hey, everything’s alright.” Arlo pried my face from his shoulder so he could wipe away my tears.

“I’m s-sorry… I… just feel so broken… like emotionally… and I’ve taped it together over and over but it’s just as if the tape isn’t working…” I tried to laugh to cope, but it kinda disturbed Arlo, “Man I’m really fucked up… sorry.”

“When something’s broken I like to use superglue. Everything will be okay. I’ll help you put together the pieces. And you’re not fucked up, just really hurt, the wound will leave a scar, but it’ll heal. Sure the scar may still be visible but you're okay.” Arlo tried to comfort me, "You don’t need to be sorry, it’s good to release your feelings and emotions, and you don’t need to apologize for laughing… I’ve heard of a thing called ‘coping mechanisms’ from Sam but she never really explained, so I’m guessing laughing is yours. All I really know is that it helps the person in the crisis, or I guess breakdown.”

“There’s a lot of pieces though…”

“So? Anything that’s broken can be fixed, a plate, a sword, a plant, even a heart. A heart just takes more time and patience to fix. Don’t worry, I have a lot of patience.” Arlo hugged me again.

“Hold on.” I got up, I’d hidden the letter in a photo frame, I got the letter from the frame and handed it to Arlo, “I don’t know what Deilah wrote but she told me to give it to someone who I trust. I trust you. You don’t have to open it or accept it… she told me to give it to someone who I really trust.”

Arlo actually accepted the letter, “I’m glad you trust me.” Then he opened it right then and there.

“I’ll be right back…” I had to use the restroom, I probably had to change my pad anyway… “If you need me, call for me.”

“Okay.” Arlo looked up and agreed to do so.

I went to take care of my business and when I came back I nervously sat back down and tried to peek at the letter.

“Your sister's first instructions were not to let you read it or know its contents.” Arlo kept the letter away from me.

“Okay…” I went back to just sitting while Arlo read.

It was nerve racking. What would Arlo say? What did my sister write? Would Arlo still accept me as a friend depending on what my sister wrote?

FUCK! I was spiraling, I needed to get it together. I wasn’t going to have another panic attack!

I took deep breaths and tried to just calm myself and it thankfully worked to calm me. I was really glad that I managed to keep my cool this time.

“Your sister really cares about you to write 17 pages on… a lot… Well 3 of those pages were just her reiterating that you shouldn’t know what's in the other 14 pages and not to tell you and if you are reading it to stop or else she’ll find out and be very disappointed.” Arlo broke the silence with a smile, “I was also told to keep the letter, you don’t mind me doing that do you?”

“If that was the purpose of the letter then so be it… I get she probably explained a lot about me and why I am the way I am, so… are you still fine with being my friend?” I asked very hesitantly and quietly.

“Yes. You’re still my friend, and now you’re stuck with me forever!” Arlo hugged me.

“Then, I hope it’s a good forever.” I hugged him back.

“Wait, you said you weren’t feeling well, don't try to contaminate me with your bacteria.” Arlo chuckled as he pulled away from the hug.

I chuckled as well, “It’s not contagious, you’re fine.”

“Then what's making you feel ill?” Arlo asked.

“…One of my many problems… and issues.” I answered.

“One of these days I will learn what is making you feel sick.” Arlo commented.

“We’ll see.” I elbowed his side gently because I didn’t want to hurt him.

“I will learn.” Arlo playfully punched me in my shoulder.

“Like I said; we’ll see. There’s no promise I’ll tell you or you’ll learn from my sister or like anyone else who knows.” I kicked his shin with my heel.

“Well I’m stubborn.” Arlo kneed my thigh.

“So am I.” I playfully punched his chest, a bit harder than the last punch I threw.

“Ow, that one actually kinda hurt.” Arlo elbowed my side this time and it kinda hurt aswell.

“Oh you’re on!”

We got into a play fight on the couch. Harmless punches and kicks, I did end up scratching him with my nails a bit but we were laughing it was fun.

“How are you so strong?” Arlo asked as he tried to pin me as a way to end it but was being unsuccessful.

“Because of my old job, I needed to be strong. Plus now I have to carry a lot of materials at once to build everything I need to for commissions.” I managed to get him off me by pushing his chest with my foot.

I managed to pin him. His legs were trapped under my thighs that were very strong, and I managed to grab his wrists and pin them on the arm rest above his head.

“Well damn, I lost.” Arlo was surprised.

“I used to play fight with my sister like this all the time. I know how to pin someone. It’s also how I’m good at hand to hand combat.” I chuckled.

“Wow, that actually makes sense. Having lots of experience in it.” Arlo chuckled with me and gave me a sweet smile.

After that, that’s how we were as friends. He’d sometimes help with a panic attack if he was nearby and saw me and we’d spar in a field. I kinda stopped going out at night and just carved some small pieces of excess wood planks couldn’t be used in other commissions into things so it was a new hobby of mine now. I also listened when Arlo told me to stay away from a dangerous area. And if course most of my commissions were from the civil corps and the rest were simple ones.

I learned a lot about Arlo and he a lot about me, just not my trauma, my gender or my sexuality. Or the fact I was a part of the civil corps cause turns out his idol is Raven and Crow… me and my sister… there is no way I’m about to tell him I’m his idol… he’d see me differently! Cause guess what; I came out when I was a member so I’m a LGBT idol! So he’d know I’m gay, and I’m trans, and so what if he’s okay with it he might still treat me differently!

I liked being Aki… it was nice. It was nice to just be myself.

That’s how my life was for the next few months. I loved it.

I was in town, one of the rare times I’m in town, to buy some of my favorite chocolate because Christmas was coming up, so I was gonna gift them to him. I’d already mailed my sister her Christmas gift, and I didn’t really know Sam and Remmington so I didn’t get them a gift. I also chose to get a Heart knot. Cause apparently that’s how people in Portia confess their feelings.

YEP!

I wanted to confess to Arlo that I loved him! And I was going to. I’d worked up the courage by sending letters and talking with my sister about everything. She couldn’t come visit for Christmas because she was on a serious mission that dealt with someone who’d escaped from prison, one of the prisoners me and my sister had caught. And that’s why she had to take up the mission because she knew how he thought, so did I but because I’d retired I didn’t need to. I was worried about her of course, but I knew she’d be all right.

I decided I wanted to risk it because… Arlo meant a lot to me… I didn’t want to just be friends anymore. It was selfish but if anything, Arlo had taught me that that’s okay sometimes.

I was waiting in the field where Arlo and I spar, it was covered in a thick blanket of snow I definitely wasn’t used to. It was really cold I’d breathy gotten any commissions done because I’m not used to working in these cold conditions. I was wearing a thick black jacket with some thick black jeans and my stealtoeboots.

I was waiting because he told me to when I tried to talk to him earlier today. I was fiddling with my cold fingers because I didn’t have gloves.

“Aki! Sorry I’m a but late, I had a lot of paperwork to do… sorry.” Arlo ran up.

“It’s fine.” I was shivering because it was so cold! Why was Portia so freaking cold?

“Oh… I thought we were going to spar, why don’t you have a weapon?” Arlo asked.

“I actually have a Christmas gift for you… it’s too cold for me to be in the mood to spar. It might be a bit frozen but it’s your favorite chocolate.” I handed it to him.

“Wait… really… thanks!” Arlo took it.

Arlo was accustomed to the colder weather and didn’t seem to be shivering at all, he had a scarf, pair of gloves, and a hat on. Maybe I should invest in them so I wouldn’t be so cold.

“You know, you show everyone such a rough exterior but you really are just a softie.” Arlo took off his scarf and hat, and put them in me, “I’d forfeit my gloves but they’re pretty old and don’t work very well.”

“What about you?” I was worried about him.

“I’ll be fine, maybe we should go inside someplace.” Arlo thought.

“I… I have some hot cocoa mix and mini marshmallows. Back at my place that is if you wanna head there.” I offered.

Fuck! I need to confess before I lose my conference.

“Hot cocoa does sound very nice right now… sure. I wanted to ask for some advice anyway.” Arlo let me lead the way.

‘Advice?’ Fuck! Was now not a good time to confess?

“Of course, maybe we can walk and talk?”

“Well it’s kinda personal and embarrassing so I guess walking and talking might not be a good idea because I’m worried someone might overhear. I guess I’m willing to go to you because we’ve both shared embarrassing stuff and because you’re a close friend.” Arlo smiled.

“Hm. Okay. Well then… How was your day?” I asked.

“It’s been stressful… a lot more paperwork than footwork during the holidays so I’m drowning in paperwork.” Arlo answered, “How about you?”

“Oh… that seems, yeah, stressful. I’ve been cold. I’m not really used to the coldness of Portia. I’ve never even seen this much snow. I had to get a better jacket and I’m still a bit cold.” I answered, “So it’s times like this I’m glad I own 14 comforters and made nests when I was young. So I made a nest with all my comforters on my bed. It's been keeping me warm while inside. I do have a few that’s not used so we could probably bundle up with them on the couch.” I answered and gave some ideas for us to stay warm.

“Sounds nice- Holy shit!”

A battle that was going on caused someone to have been flung right in front of us… and it was the escaped prisoner Dailah had been chasing after to arrest!

“Is that all you got Crow? Where’s your little voice?” The guy stood up and asked.

“You two! Get outa here!” Crow, aka Dailah -Arlo didn’t know that though-, ordered us.

“I’m a member of the civil corps. I can help if need be.” Arlo offered.

“I said, get outa here!” Dailah yelled.

Arlo nodded and grabbed my wrist and dragged me off to keep me safe. I didn’t want to leave, I was trying to fight every fiber in my body that was telling me to help my sister. I didn’t have a weapon on me because I’d gotten used to not needing one… but I wanted to help. If it hadn’t been for Arlo pulling me away I’d probably still just be standing there trying to run away but also run towards the battle.

“Aki, come on, it’s important we go faster!” Arlo was trying his best to drag me home as we ran… but I was running slow.

“I… I need to help her… I have to!” I said.

“Aki, Crow is a member of the flying pigs, it’s important we do what she says, she didn’t accept my help she’d be pissed.” Arlo’s voice was a bit loud and strict.

Arlo talking me down like that was both infuriating and also smart. But I didn’t want to listen to reason!

“I’m Raven! I was a member of the flying pigs! Arlo, that's why I can fight! So go let me help my sister!” I said out of frustration… I let my emotional side win out of my logical side.

“How can I believe that, and anyways; you’re a builder now! So what if you were, you’re not-” Arlo argued.

“I will always be a member, even if I don’t do work for them if they need me, like my sister does right now then I’ll go help! I know what I’m saying is sudden… I know it makes no sense but trust me please!”

“If you think I’m about to let you go run head first into danger no!” Arlo kept a firm grasp on my wrist.

“Why?” I asked, “Is it because I’m different? Or because I don’t have a weapon on me? Arlo, why?” I clenched my fists because I was upset and didn’t want to hurt Arlo, “If that was Sam, Remmington, or me, wouldn’t you want whoever’s keeping you away from the battle let you go and help… to go help a person you care about?”

Arlo’s grip loosened, he let go, and handed me his sword, “Be safe. You better not make me regret this decision…” Arlo looked so worried.

I took hold of his sword, it was a bit different from what I’m used to… but he wanted me to be safe. “I will… and please don’t tell anyone about me and Dailah.”

“I won’t.” Arlo nodded.