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MIRAGIA

The Self I Once Was [1]

The Self I Once Was [1]

Apr 11, 2026

In a place—whatever it might have been called—there was nothing but darkness. It swallowed everything, casting a suffocating, ominous gloom. An absolute void that would leave anyone trapped within it unable to tell where to step, or even whether escape existed at all.

No, not even escape… simply perceiving what lay around them was already impossible.

It was an absolute darkness, the very opposite of the space above.

Could this be the very bottom of what they called the Abyss?

In the midst of that emptiness lay a young man. His body was still, as if lifeless—like someone abandoned by the world, along with every shred of hope that once clung to him. His face was pale, eyes shut tight, dried crimson staining his skin and clothes. Though he appeared dead, his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. He was, in fact, still alive.

No one knew how long—only God could tell—he had lain there alone, in the heart of that endless black sea.

But there is no need to speak his name. If you have followed this story, then you already know who he is.

Yes… that’s right.

That young man is none other than—

Me. Ainsel.

A moment later, my eyelids trembled before slowly parting. The world that greeted me was no longer the one I knew. In every direction, there was only an endless expanse of black. I couldn’t even tell whether the darkness came from this place… or from my own eyes.

Not long after, a violent throbbing surged through my head. Pain flared sharply, forcing a faint groan from my lips. By reflex, I raised a hand and pressed it gently against my temple.

“My head… it hurts…” I muttered under my breath.

A low groan escaped me as I tried to gather my scattered thoughts. After a while, the pain began to subside. Slowly, I forced myself upright, one hand still pressed against my throbbing temple as my gaze swept across the darkness, searching for any clue of where I was.

But there was nothing.

No sky. No ground. No light.

There was truly nothing here—nothing at all—save for myself, accompanied only by the sound of my breathing and the steady beat of my heart.

“Where am I…?”

As far as I could remember… I had been at home… playing a game…

Before the thought could fully form, something stirred deep within my mind, sending a chill crawling down my spine.

Then... it came.

Horrific flashes burst forth all at once—a white room. Blood. Screams. The agony of lying there, broken. A piercing pain was tearing through my head, my ears, my eyes. My body slamming into a surface of water as clear as glass.

The memories crashed over me in a single, overwhelming surge, leaving me reeling. The world spun, and my body staggered, nearly collapsing under the weight of it.

As the memories settled into place—undeniably real—I let out a quiet, bitter laugh.

Damn it. No matter how infuriating this was, I had no choice but to face the truth—

“T-this… this isn’t a dream…” I whispered.

Even as panic, fear, and anxiety surged within me, I forced them down. I wouldn’t let them take control of me again.

Okay, calm down… calm down, Ainsel…

I steadied my breathing.

Don’t panic. Don’t panic…
Do not panic, Ainsel.

I tried to make sense of the chaos in my mind, to accept this bitter reality with what clarity I could muster. I closed my eyes. Drew in a slow, deep breath…

…and let it out just as slowly.

Once more…
And again…

Until the tight grip around my heart loosened, and my thoughts gradually stilled.

“…Alright…”

Slowly, I began to move my body—starting with my neck, then my waist, my arms, my fingers, all the way down to my legs. I even gave a small jump, then crouched, making sure everything responded as it should.

And... there was nothing wrong.

“Good… everything’s normal,” I muttered in relief.

I placed a hand over my chest, feeling the steady rhythm of my heartbeat.

Yes... there was nothing wrong with this too.

“I don’t know if it’s because I’ve grown used to the pain… or because I’ve been through too much already… maybe both?” I let out a quiet breath. “Either way, I’m grateful I can stay calm. Even in a place like this, where only God knows where I am.”

Tilting my head upward, toward where I had fallen from, I narrowed my eyes.

“I thought I’d keep falling forever… unable to do anything. But this place… It’s like that room above.” I paused briefly, shifting my weight. “The difference is… here, there’s something I can stand on.”

A faint sigh escaped me. “Thank God… even if I’m still trapped, at least I can move.”

I lowered my gaze toward my feet. I couldn’t see them—couldn’t see anything—but the sensation was there. Something supported me, even if it wasn’t grounded.

“If that’s the case… then I can walk.” And maybe... Just maybe, if I kept going, I would find something. Anything that could serve as a clue.

With that thought in mind, I took a step forward—without direction, without certainty—letting instinct guide me, like a compass leading a traveler on his journey.

I walked...
And walked...
And kept walking...

But, there was nothing. No matter how far I went, I found absolutely nothing. Hitting a dead end, I stopped for a moment to take a breath.

"Damn it! Compared to the white room above, this place is far worse—"

I came to an abrupt stop, my shock forcing my unfinished words to die on my lips. Because… I noticed it. Yeah, I've noticed it. There was no sound. The words that left my mouth made no sound at all.

Not my breathing.
Not the beat of my heart.
Not even the faint echo of my own footsteps.

Everything was gone, leaving behind a silence so complete that I could no longer tell whether I was alive… or not.

The realization sent a brief jolt through me. But in a place like this—where even the word strange fell short of describing its madness—I should have already begun to grow used to the abnormalities around me… and those yet to come.

Shit… I thought everything would go smoothly. Seems I was far too confident.

I let out a quiet breath, steadying myself after what had just happened.

Alright… calm down, Ainsel.
There’s no reason to panic over something like this.

I raised my hand and pressed it lightly against my chest.

Take a deep breath...
And let it out slowly.

Once my heart had settled, forcing itself to accept this absurd reality, I resumed my search—adapting, little by little, to everything unfolding around me.

Alright… let’s search again.

But before I could even take three steps, something felt off. As if… something was drawing closer. Instinctively, I turned, glancing from side to side, searching for the source of that unsettling presence.

Wh-what was that just now…?
I’m sure… something moved…

I remained still for a few seconds.

…Or was it just my imagination…?

My gaze shifted restlessly in every direction—only to stop.

Right.

This was pointless.

In a place like this, searching with my eyes was no different than searching for something that could never be found. No matter how hard I looked, all I would ever see was black. Realizing the futility of it, I let out a quiet sigh, rubbing my face.

…Get a hold of yourself, Ainsel.

Of course, I was irritated. But what else could I do? I was panicking.

Even if what I’d just done was reckless, my survival instincts screamed at me that… there was something here—something dangerous, something I needed to run from.

Not long after, a thought came to me. A way to confirm whether I was truly being followed or not. I swallowed, though, there was no sound coming from that.

God... please… let this work.

I turned back, returning to where I had been before, then began walking forward again—deliberately, carefully. I just... wanted to know whether my intuition was right or not.

One step…
Two steps…
Three…
Four…
...And a few more.

Then, I stopped.

And there it was. That sensation returned—stronger than before, even enough to send chills all over my body. My instincts had been right all along.

Fuck! It’s real! T-there’s something following me!

I stood frozen in place. My eyes snapped wide open, my chest rising and falling uncontrollably.

I... what should I do?! What am I supposed to do?!

Panic surged through me, but I forced my thoughts to think rationally.

Run. Yes, that’s it! I… I have to run. I-I need to get out of here—now!

Without hesitation, I broke into a sprint. Direction didn’t matter. Left or right—it didn’t matter. I didn’t even care if that thing was truly chasing me or not.

I just ran…
And ran...
And kept running…

I didn’t give a damn if my lungs burned, if my body gave out, or if my legs tore themselves apart. There was only one thing in my head now: get out of this place, no matter what!

But instead of fading, that presence only grew stronger. It felt as though something—or someone—was now right beside me.

Damn it—
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it—!!

I ran faster…
Faster still…

Suddenly, my body slammed into something. A heavy impact burst through the silence.

“Fuck—!”

I was thrown backward, crashing hard onto the unseen ground. The impact felt like hitting solid concrete. Pain shot through my body, knocking the air from my lungs.

IFOman
IFOman

Creator

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MIRAGIA
MIRAGIA

126 views3 subscribers

Who am I, really?

Before all of this, I was just an ordinary man, with no remarkable talent and having only simple ambitions, living a peaceful life with Grandma, the only family I had.
Or at least, that’s what I had always believed.

Until fate… drew back the curtain of the stage for me.

I fell into a world that defies logic, where madness and absurdity walk side by side. The burden of suffering that was never mine was forced upon my shoulders, along with responsibilities I never chose. And yet, I chose to accept it, for the sake of obtaining one definitive answer: who am I, truly?

Together with three mysterious figures who call themselves my followers, I walk a world filled with distortions and hidden truths. Amid uncertainty and lurking danger, we must disguise ourselves, protect our identities, and face the reality that this journey is far deeper and far crueler than we ever imagined.
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11 episodes

The Self I Once Was [1]

The Self I Once Was [1]

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